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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my boyfriend to drive me home?

213 replies

ritabe · 24/01/2019 08:22

I've been seeing him for 4 months now.
Last Saturday night I stayed at his house (he lives about 30 mins away and I always get the train as it's quick and the station is only a few mins from his house.
Went over ordered food etc and went to bed.
Around 1am I woke up feeling sick and from 1am was vomiting every 10 mins then the stomach pains started,I was dripping in sweat and nearly passed out in the bathroom.
This continued all night and didn't sleep a wink.
It got to 10am and I said there's no way I can get on the train like this (it's a 2 carriage train and it's always full the time it gets to his station)
He said "what you gonna do then?"
I said I don't know (his car is sat on the drive here,thinking he would offer to drive me home)
He didn't so I had to get a taxi and sit in the back of the taxi with a carrier bag incase I vomited.
Luckily I didn't..it was the longest journey ever.
Aibu to think he should have drove me home?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 24/01/2019 09:13

When he says 'What are you going to do then?' you need to say, 'You're going to give me a lift.'

I mean, yes, obviously he should have offered, but it's also a good idea to get into the habit of saying what you want and need, not just waiting for people to take hints.

Piffle11 · 24/01/2019 09:13

I can't ever imagine watching my partner suffer, then expecting them to sort out their own way home! I would want to take them home, and make sure they were settled and had everything they needed once they were there. YANBU, if he can't be bothered to look after you after 4 months together … it will only get worse!

Ladyoftheloch · 24/01/2019 09:14

YANBU and that would be enough for me to leave him - but also, in your circumstance I would have asked for a lift.

Still - 4 months in and he’s showing you who he is, and that’s a selfish arsehole. I would cut your losses.

haloumi · 24/01/2019 09:14

Get Rid. The blokes a prick.

theonetowalkinthesun · 24/01/2019 09:15

Yes he should have offered you a lift home.

If he didn't offer, I would have then at that point asked.
Because then you could have heard the (unlikely but possible) good reason he might not have been able to e.g. problem with car, or the BAD reason he wasn't able to e.g. 'i don't want to'.

But yeah it does sound very bad, like he has shown his true colours. Tbh if you are thinking that this might be a sign, you've got nothing to lose by asking him why he didn't. He could pull an excellent reason out of the bag. But more likely, just further confirm his true colours and then you know what to do

anotherdaygoesby · 24/01/2019 09:16

Get rid. He's not a keeper.

tiggerkid · 24/01/2019 09:17

To be honest, most normal colleagues would offer to drive you home. Many of my colleagues drove people home for more than 40 minutes because they were unwell.

Get rid of him before you are in too deep.

GlassSuppers · 24/01/2019 09:17

Get rid OP.

You don't need a man like that in your life, he's not in to you.

mumoflittlemice · 24/01/2019 09:18

To be brutal I think he's using you for sex and you're doing all the running.

^This 100% sadly. Sad Remaining in the dynamic you've described will erode your (already lowish sounding, self esteem). Get out.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/01/2019 09:18

Bin him, he has shown you who he really is, sounds like you always going to see him, does he make the effort to see you!

mirialis · 24/01/2019 09:19

There's no point seeing if he can now come up with a good reason - if he had a good reason he would have said at the time "I'm really sorry, I can't drive you because... shall I call a taxi or do you want to spend some more time here chilling out until you feel better etc. etc."

theworldistoosmall · 24/01/2019 09:19

I would dump him.
Men aren't stupid.
I've had guys I'm only fucking drop me home when I've been ill. Regularly drop me off/pick me up. Paid for cabs at their insistence. Picked me up from the hospital when I was on the phone and was getting told I was being discharged.
Taken me to the hospital and waited with me until either I get sent home or on the ward.

It's not a stupid guy you have. It's one that's not really into you. Any caring guy would have said ok stay here until you are well enough (if feasible) and I will drop you home. Not what are you going to do? Or if emetophobic could have offered a cab. Anything to suggest he likes you.

And he prefers his place because of his tv. Sounds like he's more interested in the tv than you.

Just think of all the years you have saved, knowing so early on that he's uncaring. Not a good quality regardless of how great he is otherwise.

lubeybooby · 24/01/2019 09:19

very selfish and thoughtless and uncaring of him

are those qualities you look for in a partner? especially 4 months in when everything should be rosy, sweet and caring

paintinmyhairAgain · 24/01/2019 09:20

he sounds very immature and very selfish.

greenlynx · 24/01/2019 09:20

you could have asked but he definitely should offer you a lift. He doesn’t make any effort at all in your relationship, bin him. And tell him that YOU don’t want to stay with him because he’s lazy and boring. Be the first to do this, it will give you satisfaction. Otherwise he would dump you in a few months and it would affect your self-esteem. Prevention is the key!

strawberrypenguin · 24/01/2019 09:21

YANBU. Do not stay with this man. He doesn't care about you, he didn't look after you at all and treated you as an inconvenience. You're only 4 months into this relationship. Walk away now before you invest more in him.

Karigan195 · 24/01/2019 09:21

Wow if he can’t be nice to you and drive you when you’re sick 4 months in then there is no hope then years down the line when everyone’s stopped trying. I wouldn’t waste any more energy on him.

Hedgehoginthefog · 24/01/2019 09:22

Nope. If there was some reason he couldn't/wouldn't drive (drinking the night before?) he should have gone in the taxi with you. My partner certainly would, and would have stayed to look after me.

CostanzaG · 24/01/2019 09:23

Men are stupid, you might have needed to ask

No, men aren't stupid. If you believe this you will end up setting your bar very low.

Man aren't stupid...individuals can be uncaring and selfish. There are some wonderful men out there. Don't settle for anything less.

Lweji · 24/01/2019 09:24

Did you even have to go home then? He should have told you to stay there and he'd take care of you.

Dump him. And I wouldn't even say why.

littlepeas · 24/01/2019 09:24

I would have dumped him for the TV comment alone - what a turn off! Yes, definitely get rid of him, he sounds awful.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/01/2019 09:26

After the last comment, Bin op, he is awful, immature, unkind and lazy.

Aquilla · 24/01/2019 09:27

I never thought I'd ever say it but...
LTB Sad

Enigmam · 24/01/2019 09:29

This is as good as it's going to get. So you need to decide on whether this is good enough for you.

79andnotout · 24/01/2019 09:30

Dump him. He doesn't give a shit about you.

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