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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

779 replies

Toomanychefs · 24/01/2019 00:39

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

OP posts:
WLmum · 31/01/2019 13:13

Bloody marvellous idea. I definitely would if she's comfortable with it. We all have a huge role to play in normalising our bodies in general and in ensuring normal life saving medical checks are carried out. The number of young women who don't go for smear tests because they are embarrassed is unacceptable. Showing your children that you are taking good care of yourself is excellent role modelling.

Dungeondragon15 · 31/01/2019 13:53

Again, I didn't say they provide advice to me, I said I don't follow the opinions of the bodies involved, meaning the bodies that advise the NHS.

But there is nothing for you to follow! That is the point.

I have been brought up to believe that you can indeed and should question anything you are unsure about and not always just take it as gospel that because it comes from experts, its the correct information.

You aren't questioning it though. You have stated many times that you think they are wrong but it is clear that you haven't got any evidence on which to base that decision. If I wished to question something because it was important to me, I would actually read the research evidence to form an opinion and I listen to the opinion of experts in the field. If I haven't got the time (or sometimes interest) then I will look at guidelines from expert committees.

If you actually read my posts that is exactly what I was trying to do, I was searching for studies, papers or stats in what has set the age rather than just the government website. I was well aware of the website and what that stated but it didn't give me the background detail I was interested in.

So where did you actually search for papers? As I said, this would involve more than a quick look on google. The people who assess the evidence have many many years of training and they would spend months searching for the evidence and reading the research papers before giving recommendations. There is no way you have done that and yet you have just decided they are wrong.
As for the website not giving you the background information you need, as I said you can ask them for it.
By the way, a government website may have published the recommendations but the committee that made the recommendations are not part of the government or NHS.

That's is exactly what I was trying to do

As I said, where were you looking? Have you asked the UKNSC for the evidence they have used as it will be publically available. This is what the screening committee do:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/uk-nsc-evidence-review-process/uk-nsc-evidence-review-process#uk-nsc-evidence-summaries

To find the literature they will look at various databases such as medline and will spend months assessing and reading the literature.

There is no way you have done anywhere near that and I doubt you have got the expertise to do it even if you did have the time and yet you seem to think you know better.

Dungeondragon15 · 31/01/2019 13:55

Again I never based my opinion on a Google search, I had already formed that opinion and then proceeded to try and find the facts to see if my opinion was incorrect, I was quite happy to alter my opinion that's why I was asking for further information.

So you based your opinion on no facts or evidence and then have a quick look on google to see if there was any proof that you were wrong.Hmm

Icanttakemuchmore · 03/02/2019 15:10

If she's asked to go then why not. Anything like that was taboo when I was growing up. Definitely didn't help me that's for sure. So anything that can show your children there's nothing to be afraid of then that's good. As long as they're happy to attend and understand, then all is a positive thing.

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