To allow dd12 to attend my smear test?

[Toomanychefs]

I have my smear test tomorrow. Mentioned it to dd and she asked if she could come with me. I said yes, of course, but dp thinks I'm totally out of order.
So not to drip feed, my dm is a cervical cancer survivor, my smears are always clear, dd has just had her hpv jab at school.
Dps ex wife has never had a smear test as she's 'too private and doesn't want to be violated'
My thoughts are, 'get her to realise its not a big deal so she has no problem going for hers'
Dp says I'm going to scar her for life.
She's not going to be standing at the end of the bed watching the intricate detail (although I'd happily allow her to if it meant she'd realise the importance)
Aibu?

Well- it wouldn’t be for me.

If I was the nurse I’d feel a bit pressured that what was going to be a simple routine smear with a easy going patient had turned into a teaching excersise for a pre teen.

Also- seeing a speculum and what it’s used for close up could be a bit, err, daunting for your dd.

It’s great that she has an interest and you have an open relationship- I just think that there’s definitely other ways of satisfying her curiosity with this. Educational YouTube videos, the NHS website etc would be able to explain things well.

Some of these responses 😂
If she’s asked to come take her, no big deal but maybe ask her if she wants to look at some educational info with you first about exactly what happens at a smear and talk to her about how it feels physically and mentally. Maybe she’s just really curious for more info.

At that age I was more interested in Depeche Mode and the latest Limara deoderant.

They can learn everything they want about smear tests from the internet. You Tube probably have a film of one.
No need to see your mother having one.

Should fathers take their sons to watch their vasectomy?

hmm...you know a smear isn't a surgery don't you? Maybe your mum should have taken you to see one!

Really M3lon I did not know that,

I can’t see why everyone’s very het up about this? This is surely preparing op’s daughter (st her own request) for the future. Even if you think it’s strange, perhaps try to be a bit less aggressive in your responses!

probably not relevant to compare to vasectomy then is it?

YANBU

No need to see your mother having one
Don't worry, we're a few threads away from proposing a law change to make it compulsory.

Sorry about that M3lon I only have DS's so wondering if they could join in with all this knowledge aquiring somewhere.

Looks like I will have to take them to my smear test then.

certainly - why not? It would be genuinely brilliant if the next generation of men had an earthly idea about women's bodies.

BUT only if they ask, and only if you are cool with it.

Well they are 19 and 17 M3lon so they might not be keen, plus they will have to wait three years.
I will give it some thought.

I think you should take her along and show her that smears are normal, and that they are important, and not a big deal, physically.

Wow, call me old fashioned but the idea of this makes me shudder! I know smears are perfectly normal but I wouldn't want anyone else there, hell I don't want to be there! I really wouldn't want to be in the same room as my own mum getting a smear either, some things are just private.

Depends on if they always run smoothly for you. I've had a couple that have ended up not as straightforward as others for whatever reason. I wouldn't want to risk putting her off - Plus if she's on the opposite side of the curtain it seems a bit pointless unless the nurse shows her the speculum and talks her through it. As a 12yr old that would have probably put me off more as tampons were daunting enough at that age.

I can see this thread either being picked up by the Daily Mail or a piece on either Loose Women, or possibly This Morning.

If it's This Morning they can get two women with opposing views to argue about it while HW does her concerned face.

yanbu, i think its ok. Obvs i wouldnt want my dd peering down there alongside the nurse but having her in the room to become familiar with it would be fine.

This is really between you and your daughter and I don't think your dp has a right to over rule you. Is he your dd's father? Even so I think at 12 she can decided this.

But do check with doctor's surgery that it will be OK for her to go.

I can't see the issue at all, all you are doing is normalising and removing any fear that she may develop in later years regarding getting a pap smear done. All she will likely see is you get on the bed and then the doc usually draws the curtain anyway.

Good for you making it not a big deal for her. What do people think Mums do if they have no one to mind their children during their appointment do?

So it's ok for kids to be around a woman giving birth (which is quite common with home births) but it's not ok for a daughter who has already likely started puberty who has asked to come to go with her mother to a smear appointment?

When I was 12 it was the age I was learning to jump horses and if my mother suggested I watch her have her vagina and beyond inspected I'd have been appalled and disgusted.

If you have a son, does he go to his father's prostate exam?

www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/guide/prostate-cancer-digital-rectal-exam

Just wanted to add that I would rather my daughter see me have them done (no need for her to see the nitty gritty) and see it as normal and nothing to worry about than have to hold her hand while she goes through cancer treatment that could have been avoided or lose her because she wont get a smear done.

Absolutely let her come if she wants to. She needs to see it's a perfectly normal and easy thing.
Good for you for being so open with your DD, I wish my DM had done the same with me instead of being so clouded by shame all the time.

Seems a perfect way for her not to be yucked out or scared of what happens - just as it is for a child to witness a blood test, trip to the dentist for a check up or vaccination.

I'd do it.