To ask how to deal with non-vaccinating SIL and Bro

[Nomnomchanger]

Have named changed. Would appreciate advice on how to resolve this difficult family situation.

In short, brother and SIL have refused to vaccinate their son, who is now 18 months old.
No vaccinations at all (ie, not just MMR). They say they have ‘done a lot of research’ and are happy with their decision and want the rest of the family to respect that.

We have a DS, 3 months younger, and currently ttc #2. We are pro vaccination and think they are selfish and short- sighted, esp as we all live in Central London, and not an isolated island.

We had a huge argument with bro and SIL mid last year on account of their refusal to vaccinate and have not spoken since.
Our view is that it’s one thing them demanding that we respect their parenting choice, but when that decision has potential to impact on us (and others), that’s where we have an impasse.

SIL has never been particularly friendly but claimed that our decision not to want to be in their company was us ‘alienating their son’.

My parents are not particularly helpful. My mother (worried that she will also get blacklisted from seeing non vacc grandson if she criticises their decision) says that bro and SIL ‘have done a lot of research’ and that in any case we have no idea who is or isn’t vaccinated at all the classes we attend (ie, what difference does it make).

Christmas was very difficult, as you can imagine. Not sure how to resolve this going forward.

Vaccination predated the NHS, my mum was born in 1918 and she was vaccinated against polio.

we all know that vaccines can have rare serious side effects
Yes but presumably we also all know the diseases we vaccinate against have rather more and more serious side effects too?

Even these days with the internet, I have found it impossible to see the figures for vaccine damage compared to the figures for serious side effects from the diseases themselves.

My generation got all these diseases and, apart from polio, I did not anyone who had suffered any serious effects from the diseases, so it is not so easy or obvious, in my opinion.

Polio vaccine begannin 1950s.

I guess adults would get it too?

Kate Adults aren't routinely offered childhood vaccines now, I don't know about in the 50s. The only vaccines that I can think of that are offered to adults for no charge are the ones for tetanus and rubella (presumably in the form of MMR) for women who were found to have low immunity during pregnancy. But there are probably others I haven't thought of.

zzzzz honestly I don't know (I only have one child). I think it would depend on the circumstances. If the first child couldn't be vaccinated because they'd suffered a horrendous reaction to a previous vaccine I would be very reluctant to vaccinate later children I think. If however the first child had a suppressed immune system that had nothing to do with vaccines e.g. was undergoing chemo, assuming that the second child had no similar issues I would have the second child vaccinated for their own benefit. I don't think it's fair to make one child responsible for another child's health.

Oh and flu ones of course.

@Katearondax, I think that could be the answer in my mum's case. I know she was vaccinated because she had a circular scar at the top of her left arm.

Polio was a terrifying heath scare at the time. By my era it was the sugar lump for kids and we were hardly aware of it.

Yes we had the sugar lump vaccine. And polio was terrifying. Didn't Mary Berry and Ian Dury both have it? I think it's largely been eradicated from the Western Word but obviously until it's completely gone (like smallpox) it's important to vaccinate against it.

world

I feel for you. I was advised to get my own son vaccinated for varicella because I was trying to conceive, had never had it, and my neighbour refused to keep her son indoors when he was covered with the pox.

Sadly there is a movement based on mthfr research scaremongering poor parents into thinking that those with those genes are at greater risk of autism. I was on a FB page for this and when I pointed out my whole family had the gene and had been fully vaccinated the backlash was so bad I had to back out of the group. In USA parents are actually getting exemptions from doctors. Scary stuff.

One issue with Anti-Vaxxers is that they often have friends and acquaintances with similar views. And share their research.

So an area that has say a 90% vaccination take up could still have a toddler group with just 40% vaccinated.

The toddler group children are then an even greater risk to others.

I would avoid their children.

Waspnest nobody would vaccinate their children purely to provide herd immunity for others. If you knew that your child would definitely be harmed by it - that they had an allergy to an ingredient or had previously had a serious reaction to vaccination, then of course you shouldn't go ahead.
But if you enjoy the fact that your children and other vulnerable family members benefit from herd immunity, then you should accept a responsibility for its continuation.

I thought TB was making a come back?

What research have they done?! I bet they won't be able to answer that

zzzzzzz as I have said, if my second child had no issues and the first child had not reacted badly to vaccines of course I would vaccinate the second one (more for the second one's benefit but happily that would also help the first). I think anyone whose first child had reacted badly to a vaccine would be wary about risking the second's health (see Andro's posts on the GP poster thread).

Whilst my children are fully vaccinated and in all probability safe, for me it is a matter of principle. I am doing my bit for herd immunity and those who cannot be vaccinated was posted on a previous page. Some people do take herd immunity into account when making their decisions. It played absolutely no part in my decision because my priority as a parent was to do the best for my child but unlike some on here I'm fine even with anti-vaxxers benefitting from my decision.

This would be a deal breaker from me. I'd be open and honest with them. For now it's all good but if I fall pregnant and before DC 2 is vaccinated we'd prefer to limit contact with unvaccinated DC.

If they have done their research, they know the risk to other children and should understand.

Ask them this, if your older DC was to contract measles (can happen, would likely be mild) would they insist you stay away? If so, they should understand you taking the same precautions with your children's health.

I respect anyone's choice to raise their children however they like. That doesn't mean I have to put my child at risk.

To ask how to deal with non-vaccinating SIL and Bro

You mind your own business?

If your kid is vaccinated, how are they placing your kid in danger?

Out of curiosity, does anyone here know how I managed to catch mumps even though I've been vaccinated? I had it last year but had all my vaccinations. Thankfully it was a mild case (I'm guessing if I was unvaccinated it could've been a lot worse?)