to think this attitude to child's birthday party is a sad reflection of the times

[balletclassonfriday]

A colleague of mine is organising a birthday party for her daughter who will be 9 soon. She is planning on having it at home with party games and a magician (a friend's DH whose doing it for free} and a birthday tea. However, apparently around half of the children from school invited have said they can't come. Some of them told my colleague's daughter yesterday that the reason they're not coming is because it sounds 'babyish' and 'boring' and they only like parties at bowling alleys or where they get to see a movie and have McDonald's.

My colleague is really upset. She can't afford that kind of party and thought 8 and 9 year olds would be happy with games and pizza and birthday cake.

AIBU to be a bit shocked at the attitude of these kids?

My dd had her 9thbirthday in the local community centre, we played pin the tail in the donkey, pass the parcel and musical chairs and they had jelly and ice cream. My dad did a sort of disco and my sister did some fave painting. Her friends LOVED it! I actually think the opposite is usually true and kids are bored rigid of impersonal parties and macdonalds! Maybe it was the magician thing or the way it sounded. Dd’s Party was only £80 including hall hire, you don’t have to impress kids to give a good party My best childhood memories are homemade at parties and my mums blancmaunge chocolate bunny rabbits on green jelly grass..I was definitely over 9 when that was still going on!

Sorry face painting!

Magic doesn't have to be babyish! I still kick myself 12yrs later that I never ended up booking the amazing Dynamo for our wedding! He was fairly upcoming and new then in 2007 and I located his agent and it only would of been about £250! Goddammit..

I did party games in the garden for my 11 year old. We had done soft play, sports centre etc for years and I think the kids enjoyed being retro for the day. We had a pinata and played lots of pass the parcel and grandmothers foot steps. The kids liked it so much we did it again at age 12! Then we had to do a few years of paint balling....shudder.

Having said that, yes sign of the times though.. DD had a pamper party for 8 friends for her 8th party last yr, this yr as a summer birthday will be paddling pool party in the garden with pizza and ice lollies, it is about the way you sell it I guess, however DS had soft play for 5th, and will have adventure playground party for 6th.. Boys and girls will differ.. Guessing op maybe talking of girls, who sadly can be meaner in the playground at that age..

I doubt it is a sign of the times. Growing up, most of my classmates had arcade, bowling , go-karts, mini-golf or skating parties at that age. Very few actually had them at home.

However, I do know my parents would be mortified if I was impolite about not going to someone’s party.

It shouldn't be about how you 'sell' it, surely? My DC only have home parties (although mostly attend 'out' parties) and they know to be grateful to receive invitations. FFS! A home party, whether for a birthday or other seasonal event such as Halloween or New Years, has a relaxed homely vibe, you can have a balance of structure and going a bit bananas, parents can stay for a drink and hang out in the kitchen, catching up. It doesn't matter if it runs over; I usually put a start time and then 'pick up from 5' and say goodbye to the last stragglers at 7
I'm sorry your friend's daughter's class mates have such bad manners.

Wow! No you're not being unreasonable and yes it is a sign of the times that people expect more and more for a children party. I find it sad and quite frankly disgusting, my girls (now adults with children of their own!) had parties at home until they were 13! Poor child!

I think it sounds lovely for that age. I’m guessing 8/9 year olds are year 4 so I would say the people who think it’s sad and babyish are actually extremely rude and sad themselves for not wanting to enjoy the fun. When they are 10/11 I could understand it but 8/9 yo are still very young! Friends of ours had a magician at their wedding reception and he was amazing!!

My 9 year old DD loves magicians and it keeps her entertained as she is trying to figure out how they done the tricks. I suppose you can get some really babyish magic shows but if it’s for older kids then I would imagine it will be better tricks and more suted to the age range (i.e. not some guy with a satin cape covered in stars, wearing a top hat and calling himself Merlin).

I think 9 is a tricky age because some children are still happy to do child like activities and others just want to be more grown up and do teenage things (although I suspect most would still secretly enjoy activities like a magician - even if they don’t admit it out loud).

Well from my experience with two kids having a party of some sort every year I have come to the conclusion that half the parents and their kids are extremely rude. Four different schools between them , clown balloon party 5yrs, Halloween fancy dress disco, swimming pool party, pizza hut parties, bowling , adventure climbing in woods, indoor adventure play places - repeated with each child ,we have never had more than 50% RSVP , I asked other mums right from the start and they were telling me then and still tell me the same when they do parties about half don't bother to reply ! Then there's always at leat one child who just turns up unexpectedly and a few who text on the day saying they are coming. Lets not forget the mothers who contact saying why haven't you invited my child despite the fact you have never heard of said child let alone ever been invited to any of their parties ( how did they get my number?) So it might be fuller than you think . I ask my kids if they like so and so and if the answer is yes ( it always is or why would they be invited?) then I tell them they are going - simple - and here's the thing - they always have a great time and are glad they went because regardless of the theme the party takes they are celebrating an important event with their friends! Magician sounds great BTW I'm pretty sure most kids will love to learn a trick or two - Dynamo's done alright for himself by getting into magic as a kid!

Maybe the problem is because parties are often much larger than they used to be. People sometimes do parties for the whole class - whereas numbers were limited more in the past.

So children get invited to a lot of parties. Maybe parents think it is too much bother replying to them all, and they don't have the rarity value for the children that they used to have.

If you only invite children that are really your child's friends, surely they would want to come because they enjoy being with their friends. If you all invite the whole class, it is yet another loud noisy event with children you see all the time, so maybe it isn't that important to everyone.

I don't think the games and food element are the problem, but the magician as most are pitched at KS1 or lower and are party entertainers rather than actual magicians. It's all in the marketing. My dd has been to quite a few parties which are just tea and games but they've been made to sound exciting by the theme etc.

The children and parents are just plain rude and ungrateful and the party sounds lovely op.
Magicians are for all ages are they not? Have to pitch it right though I guess.
What is very sad and a sign that parents aren't appreciating precious childhood anymore is all of these ipad, tech, junk food and murder (wtf is that all about?) parties.
Op you will sift out the chaff/ chav children from the nice children so go ahead and she'll have a lovely time.

I haven’t read al the responses so many may have already have said this. But my initial reaction is what kind of parents think it’s ok for their kids to reject a party invitation to a NINE year old’s birthday on the basis of it being boring or babyish. It is shocking bad manners. It’s also verging in bullying & exclusion. Imagine how the birthday girl feels.

As for the poster who said they were “pitching” the party wrong, words fail me to even describe how wrong that attitude is.

My DD has gone to parties where she's not sure she'll enjoy the activity/film but has gone because she is close friends with whoever invited her and has enjoyed all of them. I think in a way its a bit sad that something has to be "pitched" like a business proposition or marketing ploy rather than a childs party invite.

Well my 9 year old twins would LOVE this and so would lots of their friends. They are boys though and lots of the magic kits seem to be aimed at boys - gross magic etc.

My friend's daughter is having a 10th birthday party at the weekend - at home with games & then a birthday tea and there doesn't seem to be any issue with it.

I do feel sorry for those kids who won't try something different for fear of not being 'cool' but at the end of the day its their loss & not your colleague's. Better them not coming than sitting there screwing up their noses at everything.

I took my kids(18&8) to a tea party last week. Proper posh grown up one. They didn't want to go. Said it sounded boring. I basically made them come. It was a suprise 21st for a girl my 18yrold grew up with but doesn't see much anymore. Anyway they both loved it! No music no entertainment just tea, sandwiches and scones. My youngest has not stopped drinking tea since! My eldest keeps adding scones to the shopping list. She's also asked for one for her 21st. You can never tell if you like something untill you try it.

Sorry but no, it’s not ‘a sad sign of the times’ - magic can definitely be boring and too childish for her guests. When I was her age, my friends and I (and other classmates) would have parties at the cinema, bowling alley, restaurants/buffets, paint-ball, renting out a fancy hall for a function etc. House parties were common too, but never a magician as they’re more for younger kids.

I think you’re the one that’s overly infantising the guests by assuming that they’d be interested in the magician. Magicians aren’t real or interesting, their tricks can be figured out/seen through easily etc which takes the charm out of it as you know it’s fake and a general waste of time. You’d have to be quite immature to believe the magician’s tricks were real and unfortunately that does take the fun out of it.

If you’re interested in magic then that’s your prerogative but in my opinion it’s a niche interest so you can be offended if others aren’t into it as much as you.

Also to be frank, I don’t think the parents of the kids/the kids themselves wanted to go to your daughter’s party to begin with, because if they were actual friends they would have attended regardless of the theme.

Can’t be offended*

Since when have parties had to be 'marketed' or 'sold' to children? How sad.

As is the idea of pamper parties for 8 year olds.

My DD is 7 but the youngest in her school year, so all of the birthday parties she’s invited to now are 8th birthdays.

She probably wouldn’t choose an at home party quite like that, but she would definitely go to one because she would want to go to her friend’s party! Whatever it was.

I think for a 9 year old, if it was me, I might have gone more down the afternoon tea & nail painting route than a magician. But having said, I still find a good magician entertaining & I’m 43 .

@livs1987 same.
I'd go one step further to say, I absolutely hate magicians. You'd have to be areally good friend for me to come and not ridicule everything, but if you were that good a friend you would never ask me to attend anything like that.

Btw people, Wizards and magicians are two different things, and mixing your themes or suggesting it's all the same is totally disrespectful to the fantasy genre that Harry Potter belongs to.

"I think for a 9 year old, if it was me, I might have gone more down the afternoon tea & nail painting route"

Why are 9 year olds turning into mini adults whose birthday parties are starting to resemble a hen party or a gathering of Ladies who Lunch?

Why can't they just be children and enjoy childish activities and games? They'll be grown up for long enough.