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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this attitude to child's birthday party is a sad reflection of the times

472 replies

balletclassonfriday · 22/01/2019 14:14

A colleague of mine is organising a birthday party for her daughter who will be 9 soon. She is planning on having it at home with party games and a magician (a friend's DH whose doing it for free} and a birthday tea. However, apparently around half of the children from school invited have said they can't come. Some of them told my colleague's daughter yesterday that the reason they're not coming is because it sounds 'babyish' and 'boring' and they only like parties at bowling alleys or where they get to see a movie and have McDonald's.

My colleague is really upset. She can't afford that kind of party and thought 8 and 9 year olds would be happy with games and pizza and birthday cake.

AIBU to be a bit shocked at the attitude of these kids?

OP posts:
LucilleBluth · 23/01/2019 21:54

Too

QwertyLou · 23/01/2019 21:56

Well said @longestlurkerever !

A nephew of mine politely declined a “Fortnite” party a while back because he doesn’t play and that was the whole point of the party. Certainly no one felt the need to dis the party idea to the birthday boy though!

@Jessie94 that’s awful, how rude of those people - hope your little one still had a great day Flowers

NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 23/01/2019 21:57

My three kids (11, 9, 7) would be thrilled at a party invite, no matter what the theme or venue! So many of their friends have expensive parties etc now though so a tea party at home (which is all I ever had as a kid, as did all my friends!) is not the norm at all.

Booboo66 · 23/01/2019 21:59

Tbh my 9 year old old isn’t mad on magicians and my 5 year old completely dislikes them so I can see why a lot of 9 year olds wouldn’t be impressed. Movie and pizza etc would have probably been a better bet. Most of them aren’t up for games anymore. Starting to feel a bit self conscious etc. Many of them are entering puberty and have hormones raging! I don’t think that’s a sign of the times I think it’s always been a normal progression. It’s often better at this age just to pick a couple of close friends and take them out

1981m · 23/01/2019 21:59

Mom I can see why they don't want to come to be honest. It is quite babyish. I thought a party for a 4 year old birthday was a bit young myself. I would say it's for younger than that.

Did your DD suggest a magician? Is it what she wants? What about a more grown up magician like derrum brown (spelling!) style or something like that?

What about doing a cupcake making, pizza making, crafts, tee-shirt printing party instead? Then film and tea instead?

1981m · 23/01/2019 22:00

Cheap disco lights, glow sticks, turn the lights off disco party?

Daisiesinavase · 23/01/2019 22:05

I don't like the word "babyish",but anyway. Sounds like a lovely party idea. Not sure at all why people think magicians are only for babies. I am sorry the other children are being unappreciative.

brizzledrizzle · 23/01/2019 22:08

It sounds like it'll be a lovely party the rude spoilt ones who are being horrible are the ones who are going to miss out.

Isthisit22 · 23/01/2019 22:21

People who are saying that children these days don't play are completely wrong. My daughters and all of their friends play (role play, lego, crafts etc) for hours on end.

However, a magician for a 9 Yr old party does sound a bit babyish and would gave done when I was that age, in the 80s.

No problem with house party, but just food, playing etc instead.

caringcarer · 23/01/2019 22:24

I also have a child that hates football but would gladly accept a birthday invite to play football at sports centre then a meal with his friends. He is a bot of a glutton and if food is up for grabs then he is first in the queue. Instead of a tea party why not offer pizza and Beauty and the Beast DVD? A magician works for up to six years old.

Rabblemum · 23/01/2019 22:33

Have a freestyle party; buy junk food, don’t do entertainment and ask the kids what they would like. My son’s favourite parties were very simple and included a ton of junk food, movies and gaming.

QuickWash · 23/01/2019 22:40

I have a 9 yr old dd who would love the sound of this party. But she is always v excited to be included or invited to things! All 3 of mine attended a party in the summer with a magician/clown who did balloon modelling and slapstick and the 9, 7 and 2 Yr olds all had a ball. I'm v glad too, that they're able to just enjoy and appreciate a treat or simple fun. They have precious few years of childhood and I'm v pleased we seem to be ekeing out as much as we can.

Parents shouldn't feel that they have to spend loads on celebrations. In this case, I would be glad that the ruder ones aren't coming and often less people can mean more fun. I hope they have a lovely time.

bonbonours · 23/01/2019 22:43

My daughter, when planning her 10th party specifically requested party games like pass the parcel and pin the tail on the donkey. I was worried her friends would think it babyish but they all joined in happily and had a great time. However, it was 'branded' as a space themed party and all the games were space versions.

Everyone who is commenting on the magician, surely it really depends what sort of magician it is. If it's a rabbit in a hat and droopy magic wand sort then yes a bit sappy for 9 year olds, but if it was proper close up sleight of hand tricks I would think that would be super cool (in fact I would have liked that for my own party but the guy local to us costs a fortune).

Bitlost · 23/01/2019 22:43

I did a magician birthday party for my then 8-year-old daughter last year and we had plenty of her 9-year-old friends attending. They all accepted the invitation gratefully and loved the party.

Your colleague sounds lovely and her child’s classmate very, very rude.

aariah08 · 23/01/2019 22:46

Firstly that party sounds great! Magicians usually can cater their performance to the target audience.
I know adults who have had magicians at their engagement party!!
Personally I think perhaps she needs a new group of friends.

browneyes77 · 23/01/2019 22:51

People who are saying that children these days don't play are completely wrong. My daughters and all of their friends play (role play, lego, crafts etc) for hours on end.

I did say not all children or your children for that matter are like that. I said many children. But many are too consumed with computers to even venture outside or into the world of imagination.

I think social media has a big part to play in that. And I do think there is more pressure on kids now to conform and behave in certain ways around their friends. Which is a shame as like I say we didn’t really have that when I was growing up until we got to secondary school really.

I do think the pressure on children now from friends and social media, stops them from being able to experience growing in the same way some of us did.

I miss being a kid. Being an adult sucks. The only good thing about being an adult is I can legally drink wine whenever I like Grin

Sowing747 · 23/01/2019 23:06

I asked my 12yo DD about this earlier and she said at 9 years old there would have been no question of her or any of her friends not wanting to go to a party like this.

Your poor colleague - I just think they all sound like a pretty nasty bunch tbh. Rest assured I don't think the majority of children are like this at all!

IME it's at the start of secondary school that changes like this start. My DD had some tearful wobbles in the first two months as so many of her peers seemed to grow up overnight and she just wasn't ready yet. She couldn't understand why everyone just wanted to sit around and chat at lunchtime when she was really excited about all these huge spaces she could explore and play imaginary games in.

Now she's in her second term she's 'caught up' (sadly) and is mostly sitting around chatting with the rest of them.

expat101 · 23/01/2019 23:07

Poor form on the parents (of the classmates) behalf not to encourage their children just to give it a go and enjoy the day for what it is, that is, someone's birthday & party. When my Girl (not so long ago) was growing up, she didn't (still doesn't) eat Macdonalds but still went along for her friends and cousin's birthdays because it was their day and she was invited to enjoy it all the same.

WrapAndRoll · 23/01/2019 23:08

IMO it's rude and spoilt behaviour to sneer at an invitation and say it's "babyish".

Of course there are magic shows for different ages. There isn't just one default magician who does the same show for the same age!

ferrier · 23/01/2019 23:20

I did lots of 'house' parties for my kids. Usually had some add on like a bouncy castle or theme. Had lots of comments over the years about them being the best parties they'd been too.
Can't see why a magician is 'babyish'. I'd suggest that the person who said this has some growing up to do Hmm

smallgirlproblems · 23/01/2019 23:23

I went to loads of Macdonalds parties in the 80s with ronald macdonald and "going in the freezer" and thought they were really dull ...and I didn't like macdonalds food!! (sadly I do now, but it took about 20 years for me to try it again!)

StoppinBy · 23/01/2019 23:26

If people are only coming for the entertainment then they aren't really your child's friend are they? I thought kids made their own fun apart from a few party games at birthdays?

Vynalbob · 24/01/2019 00:01

The party is fine. I think the adults are selling it to the kids not to go...harder to just dump and run and what if they enjoyed it and wanted one. Make it fun so the ones that go make the others green. Know anyone who can face paint?
Cheap posh looking transfers?
Its all in the atmosphere that makes it!

JockTamsonsBairns · 24/01/2019 00:12

My 9yo dd would absolutely love a party like this, and I'm pretty sure all her friends would too. It sounds like your colleague's dd is very unlucky to have such ungrateful classmates, although I do agree that it's most likely that one ringleader type has piped up that it's "babyish" and others have jumped on the bandwagon.

A couple of years ago, Ds was invited to a classmates 'Going For a Walk' party - the invitation literally just said You are invited to X's 9th birthday party. We will be going for a walk so wear wellies and dress up warm. The family were quite new to the school, having moved from France to Yorkshire just a few weeks before, and I was privately a bit worried that they'd misjudged it. I needn't have worried at all - all the boys in the class turned up and they had an absolute blast! They'd all gone for a walk up the Moors, played with sticks, paddled through the river, made an actual proper den in the woods out of tree branches, and had a portable barbeque picnic. When I arrived to pick Ds up, he was completely caked in mud from head to toe - to the extent i had to get him to take a layer of clothes off before I let him into the car. But, what a brilliant time they'd all had - and I take my hat off to those parents. Sure beats an iPad "party".

archlight · 24/01/2019 00:13

My DD is 9 and would absolutely love this, she's obsessed with magic. She's not a babyish 9 year old in the slightest either.
My DH's friend is a professional magician and I'm now kicking myself that I didn't think of this for her birthday last month!

I hate the thought of a child all excited handing out their party invites and people being horrible saying they're not coming Sad

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