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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this attitude to child's birthday party is a sad reflection of the times

472 replies

balletclassonfriday · 22/01/2019 14:14

A colleague of mine is organising a birthday party for her daughter who will be 9 soon. She is planning on having it at home with party games and a magician (a friend's DH whose doing it for free} and a birthday tea. However, apparently around half of the children from school invited have said they can't come. Some of them told my colleague's daughter yesterday that the reason they're not coming is because it sounds 'babyish' and 'boring' and they only like parties at bowling alleys or where they get to see a movie and have McDonald's.

My colleague is really upset. She can't afford that kind of party and thought 8 and 9 year olds would be happy with games and pizza and birthday cake.

AIBU to be a bit shocked at the attitude of these kids?

OP posts:
TigerTooth · 23/01/2019 19:49

I do think it sounds a bit too young for 9yr olds tbh.
Mad scientist at home would be ok.

Aridane · 23/01/2019 19:51

For the cost of a magician she could take a few of then to the cinema and McDonalds, surely?

Magician free, as OP stated in her opening post (and as other posters have pointed out).

However, the attitude in the post of oh McDonalds is better than a babyish magician will have rubbed off on children probably why some of them think it ok to say party with magician is childish and boring

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 19:52

I know qumquat if adults like magic, and teens, how is it too babyish for 9 year old's Confused. It is a magic workshop, so magician showing the tricks of the trade, not making balloon models. I think some of the parents attitudes might rub off on their kids, there are those that just want to keep up with the Joneses.

jarhead123 · 23/01/2019 19:53

That's sad. I do agree a magician is a bit young for a 9 year old, but I can't believe people have actually said it sounds boring! How rude.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 19:55

Oh god we are talking about magic which is ageless, not a Mr Tumble workshop! Would you think a circus skills workshop would be babyish too Hmm.

Cardiganqueen71 · 23/01/2019 19:55

What a horrible situation. This has come from ridiculous parents who give in to their kids wanting more and more. It’s like the silly graduations from junior school and prom dresses for 12 year olds. People have magicians at hugely expensive and grand dinners for grown ups so why it’s below a bunch of 9 year olds I don’t know. Don’t invite them. Spoiled brats.

Believeitornot · 23/01/2019 19:57

Aren’t children allowed to have opinions?

If they don’t like magic then so be it. If they were proper friends then I’m sure they’ll go. But realistically at that age they’re not friends with everyone in the class and maybe that’s why they don’t want to go.....

At 9, I’d only have a small party (ds recently turned 9). A sleepover and movie is a cheap option!

MyFriendGoo5 · 23/01/2019 19:57

Who doesn't like a magician ?? Whatshisface seems to do ok out of it Confused

It sounds fine to me and more than age appropriate.........mind you, I'm.still doing pass the.parcel games for my late teen dc. They always go down a storm Grin

Cherrysherbet · 23/01/2019 19:58

What a bunch of spoilt brats. My dd is 8, and loves any kind of party with her friends. I’ve never known any of dds friends to turn down a party invite. Are you sure there isn’t more to this? Are they mean to this child at school? I’d be worried if I was your colleague.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 23/01/2019 19:58

Dd1 is 9. She would have liked that party. It's not what she would pick for herself but at 9 they have a laugh anyway with their friends. The party games with 9 year olds would be brilliant since they will all be competent.

puppy23 · 23/01/2019 19:58

poor girl - hope she still has a good birthday nevertheless

puppy23 · 23/01/2019 19:58

poor girl - hope she still has a good birthday nevertheless

Queenofthedrivensnow · 23/01/2019 20:01

We have done all sorts of parties and I think over 9 years with 2 dds we have only had one or two kids turn down an invitation. We usually get a full house. When dd1 was 9 we did a craft party with decoupage and jewelry making it was very cheap and very lovely

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 20:02

Who cares what the kids like, it is the girls party and she has the party that she wants, hopefully those who are not rude and nice, will come for it. Nobody is forcing kids to have a magic party themselves, just to be polite and nice for the birthday girls party. Hopefully the rude kids will stay at home.

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/01/2019 20:02

No not a sign of the times. When I was 9 - 40 years ago- we all had swimming or disco parties etc. Not magicians at home.

My DS2 is 9 in a couple of weeks and we are taking 3 friends bowling and for pizza. It will cost £50 tops. I have to say they are prob too old for that type of house party. He had similar aged 4 !

Nonetheless if DS2 was invited to such a party I would expect he would be very happy to go so yes very rude to decline the invite .

browneyes77 · 23/01/2019 20:03

Yeah, we live in sad times if children are so spoilt with all the choice they have that they only like bowling or McDonald's for the party. Gosh, I'm glad I was a primary school kid in the 90's, where choice was very limited but we had fun!!! Parties were great. And 9 years old were still children not teenagers. Home parties were common, games, baloons, cakes and snacks. That's all. We enjoyed the time spent together.

Totally agree. I was born in 77, so it was around 1986 when I was 9 years old. Parties with snacks, games, music was all we needed back then.

But then we were kids out doing stuff, playing, outside, making dens with blankets when it was a rainy day etc, using our imaginations. Being kids. Not stuck inside glued to computer games and iPads. We didn’t seem that bothered at that age about what was cool and who was cool, we just did our thing. I do think times have changed though and the generation of children now have a different attitude as to what constitutes as fun. Not all children obviously! But I think there’s a growing number that are trying to grow up too fast.

I don’t envy the kids these days. There’s seems so much more pressure to fit in and be more mature than they are. Glad I grew up in the era I did!

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 20:06

browneyes77 I was born then too, and it was a more carefee time, away from peer pressure, social media, internet. I think back then, and invite to a party would be ace, and well appreciated by all. I remember going to a neighbours party at 9, it was party games, party food and party bags type thing. Old fashioned fun, retro is coming back you know. Who wants a gaming party, totally boring, or sitting in front of a tv with pizza, kids do too much of that now. A party which engages kids, and gets them involved ,like op collegues one is fabulous.

Port1ajazz · 23/01/2019 20:07

Balletclassonfruday , I'm afraid I think this all boils down to the parents of these entitled kids ! I see it so many times these days parents trying to out do each other . They behave the same way with buying teachers presents ! So sad for the dd and hopefully she and the children that do accept have a happy time .:+)

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 20:08

Those parties which involve a venue and activity are blooming expensive, especially when wages are going up, and more people are turning to foodbanks. Op has said the friend cannot afford it.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 20:08

wages are not rising, I meant.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 20:10

Wow Funny you must have had one of those rich parents then, as all the parties I used to go to in the 80's involved party games, party food etc at home.

Crimson72 · 23/01/2019 20:10

Agree with browneyes and Aeroflot. I would absolutely hate to be a kid now - I’m so glad I grew up when I did. Oh, and I loved a party bag. Still do as a matter of fact! Grin

Teateaandmoretea · 23/01/2019 20:10

I dunno, dd is 9 and still does all that you describe, dens etc. She doesn't seem to care that much about what is cool or isn't. And I am the same age as you. I think that groups of parents children differ massively in their expectations. Thankfully the girls she is at school with are happy to be children and everyone is happy with that. But I hear different stuff from other parents so I think it varies dependent on the mix of who they are with.

Sockmonster23 · 23/01/2019 20:10

I was 9 in 1986 and remember a house party with games and good food .Lots of fun wee had. They grow up too quickly now and not for the best either. They don't play and are not as creative today. Bowling or cinema at 9 really for a good time party lol yes it's nice for a weekend but a party you described sounds more imaginative and fun.

Hector2000 · 23/01/2019 20:11

I’d agree with some posts - it needed to be better marketed. That said, I do find kids quite remarkably rude. My youngest DS was 9 last Nov and he had 5 friends to an escape room (one properly pitched at his age group) and then home for lunch and games. Two of the boys were very spoilt, quite entitled, used to jazzy expensive activities. In the end they mucked in and had fun.