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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this attitude to child's birthday party is a sad reflection of the times

472 replies

balletclassonfriday · 22/01/2019 14:14

A colleague of mine is organising a birthday party for her daughter who will be 9 soon. She is planning on having it at home with party games and a magician (a friend's DH whose doing it for free} and a birthday tea. However, apparently around half of the children from school invited have said they can't come. Some of them told my colleague's daughter yesterday that the reason they're not coming is because it sounds 'babyish' and 'boring' and they only like parties at bowling alleys or where they get to see a movie and have McDonald's.

My colleague is really upset. She can't afford that kind of party and thought 8 and 9 year olds would be happy with games and pizza and birthday cake.

AIBU to be a bit shocked at the attitude of these kids?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 20:12

I know Crimson72, I love looking inside the kids party bags, and hoping that they will offer me a sweet Grin.

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2019 20:14

Of course it's rude, but they are nine. And kids can be brutal.

The truth is nine is a bit old for this, it does sound like it's aimed at a five year old, Becayse I did this for my daughters fifth. I get you've explained it further, but the headline says kids party.

Ironically if she'd just invited a few for a sleep over, or hired the village hall and had a disco with snacks (she could have done it herself) she'd probably have had them run in.

Kids always want to be old before their time.

MrsNjie · 23/01/2019 20:21

The Ipad party idea is way more ridiculous than a magician! I'm a 28 mother of two and would still prefer that idea... My 10 Yr old spends enough time on consoles when he's on his own that I think him and I would both prefer something different for a party! His last birthday we had a tea party type scenario at home and he loved it much more than previous bowling parties/sleepovers!!

qumquat · 23/01/2019 20:26

I hated it when parties switched from party games to trips out and McDonalds etc. They were way less fun and it was like people were just trying to act grown up now we were in middle school (yr5 onwards, so from 10th birthday). I remember my 9th birthday party as being my last 'proper' games and party bag party before it all got a bit shit. Parties only became fun again once I was 16 and started getting drunk. I do think there's so much attempting to be cool in the tween/young teen age group which is nothing to do with what that age enjoys and everything to do with trying to fit in.

Hector2000 · 23/01/2019 20:29

Comeymemo - I think the OP thought the stated reason for declining was rude. Of course declining an invite isn’t rude, but people should be kind about the explanation.

Fowles94 · 23/01/2019 20:34

My niece is 8 and would kill for a party like that.

Sb74 · 23/01/2019 20:40

I’m not wrong. I don’t think a lot of kids that age appreciate magicians. Whatever they do.

My kids wouldn’t be rude if invited to the party described. They would go because we are all polite and well- mannered in our house but they would never want that kind of party. Everyone is different so maybe some 9 years old would like it. I just don’t think I know any of them.

longestlurkerever · 23/01/2019 20:48

I still find it staggering that on MN you can be faced with something exceptionally rude and the first couple of posters totally overlook this and just home in on what seems to me to be totally irrelevant. Like the other day with the boss who made a totally inappropriate comment about the OP nicking a chip off her plate and everyone saying "yabu you should have waited". And here - I think the party sounds nice but even if I didn't, or even if the DC had privately confided they didn't like the sound of it, what would posess someone to tell the party host this?

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/01/2019 20:51

You are wrong Sb74. My DP is a magician. He is booked months in advance and doesn't advertise because he doesn't need to. The parents of 9yos pay my bills.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/01/2019 20:52

By the end of his show, even the "cool" kids are enjoying themselves.Grin

sleepylittlebunnies · 23/01/2019 20:56

My DC are 6, 9 and 11 and have been to all sorts of parties, various budgets and locations and always look forward to them and enjoy them. A lot of kids worry what others think of them so it would only take one kid to say it is babyish for others to join in. Or more likely a parent thinks it might be babyish. I’ve sometimes thought that a party idea sounded a bit boring or unsuitable, I’ve never voiced it and would pull my DC up if they were so rude.

My DN had a magician at his wedding and the kids and adults all loved it. He didn’t do a stand up show but mingled around doing various tricks to a small group and ended up with a crowd. My DC would definitely enjoy the chance to learn some magic tricks. I would not change the party to suit others opinions. The ones who attend want to celebrate their friend’s birthday and have fun and will likely enjoy themselves. The kids who are too grown up will miss out.

Whisky2014 · 23/01/2019 21:00

I had a magician when i was 9. It was great!

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 21:02

Some people are just so narrow, and cannot see out of their narrow field of vision.

Jessie94 · 23/01/2019 21:04

I know it's different but I had a garden party for my 2 year old in the summer. Out of 17 people that said they would come, only 3 actually turned up. I was gutted for my little boy

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 21:04

Exactly DiontheDiabolist, what with Harry Potter, and Darren Brown, magic is very in, and fantastic, a good magician is awsome. If it is good enough for an adult wedding, it is good enough for a child's party.

Member728617 · 23/01/2019 21:04

Our Cubs District Christmas party, boys and girls from all different backgrounds aged 8-101/2 always has a magician and the kids all love it, best behaviour we see all year is when he is performing as they are fascinated.

LaraLondon1 · 23/01/2019 21:12

Your friend should stick with her plans . God help us with kids that can be so rude to knock back a perfectly good party - magic tricks are super . More concerning is the lack of consideration for the feelings of the birthday girl / boy.

Shockers · 23/01/2019 21:22

9 too old for a magician? We have a friend who is a table magician at weddings and parties... for all ages!!

PeachyPeachTrees · 23/01/2019 21:34

The problem with popular parties is that everyone does it and then it really does get boring! My DS went to at least 6 disco parties in the same local venue and I think he would have loved to go to a magicians party as it's not the norm. Learning the tricks and then playing them on us when he gets home would be great fun.

My 9 year old is having a sleep over party in a few weeks. There will be sporty games in the garden, classic party games (indoors) and prizes, DVD with popcorn. Going to bed late- most exciting bit! Very cheap and they love it.

smallgirlproblems · 23/01/2019 21:36

my DH had a magician for his 50th birthday! Not a stand up at the front magician, a mate that had loads of cool card tricks etc who just went round the room. He was great, the teenagers in the family loved it! I don't think a magician is babyish.
I think its ok to decline an invite, but rude to say it sounds babyish or boring etc.
I did a sort of treasure hunt party for my DDs 11th birthday around our quiet road and a parralel road. Some parents requested the girls were accompanied (my DD wanted to go just with friends) so we divided the girls and I went with those whose parents preferred an adult with them. This was fine although the biggest danger was to themselves thinking it was fine to stop in the middle of the road for a selfie!! (and my DH did a few tricks at that one too!)

smallgirlproblems · 23/01/2019 21:37

I hope the kids who go have a fantastic time and tell the others what a great party they missed!

LesHappies · 23/01/2019 21:39

To all those who think magicians for a 9 year old is too babyish, well they must have only seen rubbish magicians. A good magician can be brilliantly entertaining and engaging, no matter what the age of the audience.

Onecutefox · 23/01/2019 21:46

It's not the children but their parents. It would be them who would be against the party.

ShowMeTheKittens · 23/01/2019 21:51

I had a party when I was 13 and the girls complained there were no boys.
When I look at the photos I was very young and I remember that I didn't like boys much... oh the trials of youth
I started faking an
interest in boys. Actually, I thought they looked a bit yucky.
8 or 9 are really children... sounds like they expect a lot of money spent on them.

LucilleBluth · 23/01/2019 21:54

My 8 year old would love it to. DD goes to a very middle class school and I can't see a magician being looked down upon at all. Maybe it's the demographic of the school (I'm vv working class btw....no judgement)

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