To find this message from DP a complete turn off

[NotABirthdayTreat]

DP sent me a message earlier ‘ are you going to dress sexy tonight?’

I’m in jeans & a jumper waiting for him to come home. I’ll be cooking dinner (again) & he’ll be coming in in his sports kit.

AIBU to find it a turn off ?

@thestoic Ooh yes. Then give him his pipe and slippers, and make sure his dinner doesn't go cold.

Do you actually believe that most men care about pipe/slippers/dinner/etc? There's only one thing that keeps us going.

Put your wellies on, and a balaclava, and perhaps some marigolds, that's a good look.

Granted its pretty clumsy flirting, but we can't all be as witty and original as the posters on Mumsnet.

Who's Sexy? LMAO

As a pp said, I'd be more offended by the bad grammar. It's sexily not sexy.

Ooh yes. Then give him his pipe and slippers, and make sure his dinner doesn't go cold

For goodness sake, some of these responses!

How sad so many people find their partners repulsive. Even if this isn't how you normally flirt surely it should just be taken lightly and have a laugh together later. Unless there is abusive background history, I find it so bizarre that the initial reaction is pearl clutching and gasps of how controlling a man must be to text that...this is supposed to be a man you love!

For those saying what’s wrong, re-read the OP. It’s a Monday night, op will be wearing her jeans and cooking dinner, he’ll come home in sports gear, which appears to be their average Monday. I’d say he’s misjudged the situation but he hasn’t judged it at all, just feeling horny after his sports session, no thought to what op may feel like. I’ve been in the place where my partner was driven only by his sexual needs irrespective of the position I was in although my situation was more extreme than this. So OP doesn’t go along with the sexy clothes on a Monday night and he’ll feel rejected/neglected when actually if he’d put a bit more thought into how/when he suggested this, they could have both had a great time. It’s a massive turn off.

The po-faced contempt these women seem to have for their partners is truly remarkable. Must be such a joy being married to them.

If my dh sent me a text like that and if I was in the mood I’d go along with it, it’s just innocent banter between some husband and wife’s, if I wasn’t I’d be sending something mundane

But thats my relationship, I don’t hold him with contempt and nor does he with me.

🙄 Heaven forbid that a man uses a bit of flirty chat to his partner eh?

I love your post, @Ivegotasecretarycanyoukeepit . Very well said!

@ginandbearit, yours is pretty good, too.

Scruffy old pyjamas (or "PJ"s ) and saggy Tesco jeans seem to be a badge of honour for a surprising number of women. Do they think they are so gorgeous and special that they can go around looking like bag ladies and still be the only woman their OH will ever look at? No doubt these same women would complain (probably on here) if their DH/DP slobbed around in old jogging bottoms and paid them no attention sexually.

Men just can't win (and I'm not a man).

Men can’t do anything right on here.

Then we wonder why the DH has an affair.....

OP, your user name is “NotABirthdayTreat.” Is it his birthday or something?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him asking, as such. It depends what he means and only you know this. For instance, I wouldn’t be slobbing about in PJs or tracksuit when DH gets in (unless I was ill). I do feel the need to make a certain effort, but nor would I be in lingerie with the kids about? Do you have DC? Anyway, it doesn’t sound like he’s forcing you or manipulating, so it’s up to you.

Some of the responses on this thread reminds me of that hideous saying, "keep his stomach full and his balls empty".

Why do so many of you detest your partner’s so much? It sounded like some awkward clumsy sexting. Are men just not allowed to even want sex anymore? Unless there’s some huge backstory I don’t get the need for the vitriol.

I adore my partner. But if he sent me that text, I would be sending one back saying “Oh god- please don’t hurt him- where do I send the ransom?”

I agree best to be humorous in response. Or just go for it!

But no, it’s not a terrible thing he did! Clumsy maybe.

I don’t think OP’s husbands message is half as cringe as some of the “hilarious” responses on this thread.

I wouldn’t get butt hurt over it. I’d think it’s his daft way of saying he’s in the mood. Looks like you’re on a promise OP!

Reply yes.

Then pop on a unicorn onesie and a leather gimp mask.

That's most likely someone's idea of sexy.

Wow some people are uptight.

Not sure if I missed the bit about him being some sort of sec pest but a vaguely, dirty text isn't something I could worked up about. Even if I wasn't in the mood.

I do think some mners just want to see how many relationships they can split up.

@Boysandbuses I don't think they want to split anyone up. More justify their own feelings (or lack of) for their own partners.

Surely it depends on the context and your relationship? If DH sent me that text I'd assume he was taking the piss and probably reply 'yes putting my thermals and onesie on as we speak' but then neither of us find sexting in the slightest bit sexy (thank god).

Are men just not allowed to even want sex anymore?

Of course they're allowed to want sex. No one is criticising OP's DP for wanting to have sex and most posters don't seem to have anything against sexy/flirty texts per se. It's what he said that's the problem. By asking if she's "going to dress sexy tonight" he's actually being quite demanding because although he's phrased it as a question, it's very obviously an instruction. It's also the inherent double standard that's gotten OP's and other posters backs up. The implication is that it's the woman's job to dress herself up to allure her man. She needs to "dress sexy" in order to satisfy him but he doesn't need to do a thing, she should just find him irresistible in his sweaty sports kit apparently.

Utterly, utterly ridiculous.