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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this message from DP a complete turn off

195 replies

NotABirthdayTreat · 21/01/2019 19:02

DP sent me a message earlier ‘ are you going to dress sexy tonight?’

I’m in jeans & a jumper waiting for him to come home. I’ll be cooking dinner (again) & he’ll be coming in in his sports kit.

AIBU to find it a turn off ?

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/01/2019 19:27

That’s the complete opposite of a turn on. I’m imagining the person sending that is some 20 year old who is a bit of a chauvinist twat to be honest who treats his girlfriends like some kind of accessory to show off to his mates instead of an actual human being.

Either that or the opposite end of the age scale. 1970s values to go with it.

What is his personality like? Presumably he isn’t such a twat normally?!

Lavenderee · 21/01/2019 19:27

Sometimes I like this if it’s a little bit flirty. Such as “been thinking of you lots, can’t wait to see you later ;)”
Dislike “are you going to dress sexy for me?”
Hate anything telling me what he wants me to do to him. It makes me instantly feel like nothing more than a jizz receptacle.

CandleWithHair · 21/01/2019 19:28

Who’s sexy and why would I be dressing them?

halfwitpicker · 21/01/2019 19:28

He wants to sext

Tell him to get lost

BlimeyCalmDown · 21/01/2019 19:29

If you take me out for dinner then maybe...

or

Making your dinner and you getting home late is a big turn off, so that would be a no...

Bluebell878275 · 21/01/2019 19:29

It depends what your sex life is like in general..are you still flirty with each other? I've been married 10 years, I'll still put something 'nice' on now and again while I'm cooking dinner.. doesn't mean we will necessarily have sex, it just puts a smile on his face and keeps the spark going. If this isn't something you would normally do together then I get why it's a bit odd...but..maybe he's just feeling a bit naughty, that's ok between partners isn't it?

twobetwobetwo · 21/01/2019 19:29

I've just had flashbacks to my horrible marriage. Hopefully your husband is just being a bit hamfisted with his seduction techniques. My ex used to sulk because I'd wear office wear for work during the week which sometimes would include heels and a skirt and then have the temerity to go to the supermarket, kid in tow, on a Saturday in jeans and flats. He also complained when I was breastfeeding/expressing that I never wore sexy underwear anymore. I finally found my self respect and left.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/01/2019 19:30

Lavanderee, your first sentence bears no relation to what the OP says was in her text.

A “been thinking of you, can’t wait to see you” is nice. “Are you going to dress sexy?” Is something a 13 year old would say to his first girlfriend.

Original poster
NotABirthdayTreat · 21/01/2019 19:30

It actually feels like I should be grateful that he is bestowing the gift of his amazing (not) body on me 😂

OP posts:
JoantheVampireSlayer · 21/01/2019 19:31

‘Who’s Sexy and why would I need to dress him?’

delboysskinandblister · 21/01/2019 19:31

''as opposed to the dressed in rags frump that I normally am you mean?''

Just ask him if he's going to lead by example by the setting the standard to which you can only hope to aspire. Hmm

RayRayBidet · 21/01/2019 19:33

Reply "I'm wearing head to toe rubber"

Dee61 · 21/01/2019 19:33

Maybe his mate got his phone if this isn't his usual speak ?

Ghanagirl · 21/01/2019 19:34

@Batteriesallgone
He’d be more direct - thinking about you lots today, fancy a shag tonight? - type thing.
And that does it for youConfused

Mary1935 · 21/01/2019 19:36

Who’s sexy then? Tell him you’ve only made dinner for two.😇

One2Three4Five6 · 21/01/2019 19:37

Borrow one of your mum's outfits, a spritz of her perfume and wear her most disapproving expression: That'll have him withering on the vine (unless he has a thing for your mum....)

Better yet, borrow HIS mothers clothes Grin

RogueV · 21/01/2019 19:38

Massive turn off

Floandme · 21/01/2019 19:38

I'd text back and say 'absolutely, i'll get dressed up instead of cooking, Chinese please, number 42 and 31'

IsItThatTimeAgain · 21/01/2019 19:39

Is it a special occasion you've forgotten about? If not, wtf...

Ifangyow · 21/01/2019 19:39

I'd text back ' no, my lover has cancelled on me '

PietariKontio · 21/01/2019 19:40

I'd send similar to my wife, to which she'd reply something like "yes, if you find [whatever she had on] sexy", to which I'd then reply "yep, totally, love you"

All a bit clumsy flirting, but we liked it :)

delboysskinandblister · 21/01/2019 19:43

''Yes, I'm off out tonight. Don't wait up..''

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 21/01/2019 19:44

"Clothes maketh the man"..not the woman. Ties for instance... good indicators of which end is talking.

Petalflowers · 21/01/2019 19:45

I thought the same as Ms Vestibule.

Forsome people, flirty texting is part of their normal communication, for others, totally unusual,

Blatherskite · 21/01/2019 19:50

Respond with "Yeah, I borrowed a basque and knickers from your Mum". That should quench the fires Grin

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