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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School using dd to help support sen children

293 replies

Jammiebammie · 21/01/2019 16:01

Rubbish title sorry, couldn’t think what else to put. I don’t think iabu but would really appreciate some input.

Bit of background, dd2 (11) is in p7 and has an anxiety disorder, she sees cahms for this. She also has cfs and does struggle a bit some times. Youngest dd is disabled and although sad to admit, it does impact on dd2s anxiety quite a lot and we are working hard to help her deal with this.

At school, dd is a great student and we’ve never had any issues with her in that respect. Shes a house captain, always has good work and is often called upon to help teachers etc.
Dd has been on the receiving end of bullying which took forever to sort with the school, but it has improved this last year.
I have had many meetings with the school for dds health and well-being, she sometimes needs to take herself off for ‘cool off times’ where she has been stressed, or finding things too difficult (we had issues with her self harming which was heartbreaking, but she seems so deal with really well atm)

Sorry for long post there, but didn’t want to drip feed.

Before Xmas, dd was asked to look after a little girl in p1 who has additional needs. This was at break and lunch times for the period of a week. Dd found this very difficult, she had to sit with her girl and make sure she ate lunch, didn’t scream and a few other things. I wasn’t happy about this as dd seemed so stressed about it, but she begged me not to phone the school, as it only lasted a week and the school holidays were looming I did respect her wishes and I just let it go.

Today she comes home in tears and has told me for the last week she has been given a little boy within additional needs to look after. This has been since last week and they want her to do it for another 2 weeks, every single break and lunch time. She has been told to tell him not to kick and hit people and to be on alert for his behaviour. He was hitting her today and spitting in her face and she has to just ‘deal with it’. She has to feed him lunch and took him to the toilet too.
She was told that there weren’t enough support teachers to help, and as a house captain she has a responsibility to help the school.
To say I am fuming is an understatement! She doesn’t want me to phone but I will tomorrow, I can’t believe they have put this on a child who needs extra support at home, and dealing with a disabled sibling this is the last thing she needs. It’s also not fair on the children who she has been asked to watch, their needs aren’t being met, dd isn’t trained to deal with any of these issues and it is so wrong and lazy of the school to ask student to take this on (I suspect there are other p7s looking after younger children but I haven’t confirmed this with dd).

Is it even legal for the school to do this? If it was my younger dd being looked after by another student and not her support teacher I think I would be just as mad, but the fact they are well aware of dd2s struggles and have plans in place for when she is overwhelmed, I just can’t beleive this.

Any ideas of how I can speak to the school to rectify this? Any legislations I can quote? I obviously won’t go in all guns blazing and will get proper facts from the school first, but surely this can’t be acceptable.

Sorry this is so long, well done if you got this far!

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 23/01/2019 12:55

Bloody hell, I’d be absolutely fuming Shock

YouCanCallMeJodieWho · 23/01/2019 13:14

I hope you get a call back soon OP.

WunderBlah · 23/01/2019 13:21

You have to keep her home until this is resolved and start looking at other schools. They are going to treat this as a storm in a teacup when it is anything but. Put everything in writing, email your LEA and ask for an urgent response, go above the school's head and mean it.

TeacupDrama · 23/01/2019 13:28

just for info OP is in scotland

  1. P7 ( primary 7) is the equivalent of Y6 last year of primary school
  2. There is no Ofsted in Scotland
  3. there are no school Governors at all; schools are run by the Headteacher and LEA; the only way to bypass head is to go to head of education at council who will probably refer you back to school.
  4. parents councils etc have very little power or influence legally; they mostly fund raise
TeacupDrama · 23/01/2019 13:31

oh and in Scotland it is quite difficult to change schools you need to make a placement request and there is no guarantee of getting it

the upside of this is generally no one lives 400 metres from a school and doesn't get a place it is almost unheard off to not get a place at nearest school

WunderBlah · 23/01/2019 13:58

I can say from experience that the SN contact at my local LEA was extremely helpful to me some time ago. This may be who OP should try to reach, the SN coordinator needs to know that disabled children are being given the brush off.

enquire.org.uk/ can give OP guidance
www.careinspectorate.com/index.php/care-services

WunderBlah · 23/01/2019 14:03

In Scotland it is always worth contacting local MSP to get things moving.

www.theyworkforyou.com/

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 23/01/2019 14:10

Your poor DD. I agree with PP this is safeguarding and you need to say the word over and over.

Safeguarding for the little boy with needs.

Safeguarding for your DD.

I hope they listen to you OP.

ReflectentMonatomism · 23/01/2019 14:24

Were I the OP I would withdraw my child from the school until the situation was resolved.

The claim that the head is in continuous meetings and unable to deal with this is utter bullshit.

paslamer · 23/01/2019 15:41

It's a lose-lose situation for both the op's dd and the other child. I'd raise hell about it.

Marcipex · 23/01/2019 16:50

Could your dd come home for lunch until this is resolved?

mummyhaschangedhername · 23/01/2019 17:18

Regardless of the process. It's starts with putting in a letter to the head. Perhaps email it if he still hasn't responded. It's absolutely shocking they have ignored your instructions and I do think you need to take this further.

3out · 23/01/2019 19:11

Did you hear back today?

If not, email your MSP. I’d not make the focus of the email that your daughter is upset, I’d make the focus that you’re shocked at the lack of support for SEN in your area and ask what ScotGov are doing to address this national problem. I’d also say that if you were the parent of a child with SEN that you wouldn’t be happy that fellow pupils were being used to supervise your child.

Original poster
Jammiebammie · 23/01/2019 19:56

Still haven’t heard back today!!! I called again, I’m actually raging now I’m being ignored.
Dh is taking the morning off tomorrow and he’s going to go into the school, I’ll keep dd at home with me until it is sorted out.

Thanks to everyone for helping so far, will def keep updated as I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to know what they’re bloody playing at.

OP posts:
3out · 23/01/2019 20:01

Good plan.

Does your school share a Head? Ours does, which does cause a delay with them getting back in touch (half the week at one school, half at the other). They also have to teach when covering for other teachers and that eats in to time available too.

Original poster
Jammiebammie · 23/01/2019 20:03

Thanks, no this is a new head that started in October, only post.
I appreciate they can be busy, but when I’ve been told the times they are free and I haven’t even had a courtesy call to say they’re dealing with it, or apologising they can’t talk at that time and will arrange a meeting, it’s getting me really annoyed.

OP posts:
MaintainTheMolehill · 23/01/2019 20:03

Glad your dh is going in but at this stage I would be so angry at basically being ignored that I would email the head of education at your local council, cc in the head and clearly state all your reasons why this is unacceptable (it's plainly obvious why).
I really hope this gets sorted. Your dd sounds like a lovely girl.

Isitweekendyet · 23/01/2019 20:05

This is an absolute joke, I'm astounded at what I'm reading!

I'm glad your DH can go in tomorrow, did she have him today?

3out · 23/01/2019 20:13

I’m glad your DH is going in. I’d be too angry. Hope he gets seen.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 23/01/2019 20:20

OP I would make a note of all the times your DD has been given responsibility for this boy. Continue to keep records of all conversations and correspondence on the matter, also all your attempts to contact the head for a discussion. Having the facts to hand will strengthen your argument and make it harder for the school to dismiss your concerns.

Armed with this, contact the head - through the PA if that’s the only way - and say if you do not receive a call or a meeting you will be raising this directly with the Local Authority as a safeguarding issue.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 23/01/2019 20:31

You should send your email with everything laid out, including the school ignoring your note and refusing to call you, tonight to the council. And cc in the school. Then when your husband goes in tomorrow, and they try to fob him off he can point out that you've already escalated it so they need to start dealing with it.

seven201 · 23/01/2019 20:42

What despicable behaviour from the school.

mummyhaschangedhername · 23/01/2019 20:46

Write it down, create a paper trail. Regardless of how the compliant procedure goes that's really the first step and given they have ignored you note and your calls for two days means you need to escalate this.

jellybeanteaparty · 23/01/2019 20:47

Did your DD look after the boy today?

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2019 21:13

It is disgusting, so many things wrong with this on so many levels. Good on you for taking action.