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AIBU?

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Original poster

School using dd to help support sen children

293 replies

Jammiebammie · 21/01/2019 16:01

Rubbish title sorry, couldn’t think what else to put. I don’t think iabu but would really appreciate some input.

Bit of background, dd2 (11) is in p7 and has an anxiety disorder, she sees cahms for this. She also has cfs and does struggle a bit some times. Youngest dd is disabled and although sad to admit, it does impact on dd2s anxiety quite a lot and we are working hard to help her deal with this.

At school, dd is a great student and we’ve never had any issues with her in that respect. Shes a house captain, always has good work and is often called upon to help teachers etc.
Dd has been on the receiving end of bullying which took forever to sort with the school, but it has improved this last year.
I have had many meetings with the school for dds health and well-being, she sometimes needs to take herself off for ‘cool off times’ where she has been stressed, or finding things too difficult (we had issues with her self harming which was heartbreaking, but she seems so deal with really well atm)

Sorry for long post there, but didn’t want to drip feed.

Before Xmas, dd was asked to look after a little girl in p1 who has additional needs. This was at break and lunch times for the period of a week. Dd found this very difficult, she had to sit with her girl and make sure she ate lunch, didn’t scream and a few other things. I wasn’t happy about this as dd seemed so stressed about it, but she begged me not to phone the school, as it only lasted a week and the school holidays were looming I did respect her wishes and I just let it go.

Today she comes home in tears and has told me for the last week she has been given a little boy within additional needs to look after. This has been since last week and they want her to do it for another 2 weeks, every single break and lunch time. She has been told to tell him not to kick and hit people and to be on alert for his behaviour. He was hitting her today and spitting in her face and she has to just ‘deal with it’. She has to feed him lunch and took him to the toilet too.
She was told that there weren’t enough support teachers to help, and as a house captain she has a responsibility to help the school.
To say I am fuming is an understatement! She doesn’t want me to phone but I will tomorrow, I can’t believe they have put this on a child who needs extra support at home, and dealing with a disabled sibling this is the last thing she needs. It’s also not fair on the children who she has been asked to watch, their needs aren’t being met, dd isn’t trained to deal with any of these issues and it is so wrong and lazy of the school to ask student to take this on (I suspect there are other p7s looking after younger children but I haven’t confirmed this with dd).

Is it even legal for the school to do this? If it was my younger dd being looked after by another student and not her support teacher I think I would be just as mad, but the fact they are well aware of dd2s struggles and have plans in place for when she is overwhelmed, I just can’t beleive this.

Any ideas of how I can speak to the school to rectify this? Any legislations I can quote? I obviously won’t go in all guns blazing and will get proper facts from the school first, but surely this can’t be acceptable.

Sorry this is so long, well done if you got this far!

OP posts:
taeglas · 21/01/2019 17:25

Maybe contact an organisation such as sibs to spell out to the school what is so wrong with using your daughter as a carer.
www.sibs.org.uk/ (for brothers and sisters of disabled children and adults).

I work as a teaching assistant. My son is Autistic. I would be appalled if anyone expected his sister to take on such a burden of responsibility at school. When you have a disabled sibling life is very tough.

Why is the school encumbering her with the knowledge that there are not enough support staff? How irresponsible, indeed one could say bullying and manipulative of the school.
The school are not meeting her needs nor the needs of the child that has been left in her care.

greenpop21 · 21/01/2019 17:25

It's not on and yanbu. This is too much responsibility for your DD. I am a TA and have seen similar tactics. a girl who has a brother with anger issues being sat next to a pupil with the same issues because she wouldn't be as shocked! I could see this was too much, school was her refuge and escape and she didn't need to be confronted with it at school AND at school. Luckily the teacher agreed in the end and moved her. Unfortunately, schools budgets have been slashed, special schools have been closed and so there are many more SEN pulls and no extra care for them.

greenpop21 · 21/01/2019 17:26

Many typos-in a hurry!

Kolo · 21/01/2019 17:27

Bloody hell. Schools are facing budget cuts, so maybe your DD can answer the phone for an hour before school? And do the washing up after dinner? No need for supply teachers, your DD can take a class when the teacher is sick.

It’s so out of order for the school to be doing this. Completely unfair on your child and the children she’s caring for.

Racecardriver · 21/01/2019 17:28

assuming it’s astate school? Report to ofstead. It is in no way acceptable to male children responsibile for other children in this way.

tashac89 · 21/01/2019 17:31

My 9 year old goes on to the infant playgroup once a week to help teach them Welsh phrases, play games and the like with the younger kids. He does this because he wants to. My 10 year old at a different school was forced to give up breaks 3 times a week to 'supervise' the reception kids. I put a stop to that quick fast. He was giving up the time he had to eat his lunch in peace, play football with his friends and take a break from class. Nope. Not a chance. Volunteer? Sure, some kids love the extra responsibility, like my 9 year old. Made to step in as an unpaid member of staff? Back in your box.

greenpop21 · 21/01/2019 17:32

The budget cuts that started 11 years ago are really hitting now as the barrel has run dry.
So many parents are not aware. schools are closing, teachers are being made redundant and pupils are being used it seems!
Write to your MPs!

YouCanCallMeJodieWho · 21/01/2019 17:34

I'm a school governor. I would be horrified if this was happening in my school, and would raise it like a shot.

Please email school now so they know your DD will not be doing this anymore.

Russell19 · 21/01/2019 17:37

To see the positive side they've obviously picked your DD because she is a great role model and that must be a credit to you.

BUT no way should she be doing this. If there was a group and it was alternated on a Rota basis (and children were asked if they wanted to do it first!!!!) then it may be another story but no way....your child needs down time and time to relax too. This is way too much.

My advice would be to speak to the class teacher calmly and just say she's been upset/worried about lunch because of the situation and she feels it's too much, so you don't want her doing it anymore. Maybe mention you feel the children should be given the opportunity to volunteer for something like that rather than be chosen and not have a choice. (Just thinking they're clearly going to choose another poor child)

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/01/2019 17:40

This is crazy. Email the teacher now and if possible go into the school office in the morning or call them if can't go in. Then ask for a follow up meeting with a person who arranged this Hmm

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/01/2019 17:40

They need an TA or a 1-2-1 SEN support worker. Lazy gits.

marymarkle · 21/01/2019 17:43

Russell The reality is quiet kids who won't make a fuss tend to be picked for these types of things.

lalalalyra · 21/01/2019 17:44

This is one of the most appalling things I've heard, and I worked under some pretty shitty school leadership teams.

Your DD has been picked to do an adults job because she's too polite to complain.

I would send an email, and I would be insisting on an appointment. Make a list of questions before you go so you dont' leave and then remembered one -

Who decided your DD was to be part of this scheme?
Was a risk assessment done for leave the care of a child who kicks, hits and spits to another child?
What measures were put in to protect your DD's breaks?
What measures were taken to ensure that your DD was comfortable with the child?
Who decided that it was acceptable to tell a child that she just had to deal with being hit and spat at in school time?
Why were the parents not involved in the organisation of this scheme?
Do the governors know about the scheme?
Do the La (if it's a LA controlled school)?

Missingstreetlife · 21/01/2019 17:46

They should look at their insurance, I'm sure it won't cover this.

marymarkle · 21/01/2019 17:46

There are no Governors in Scotland.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2019 17:49

The kids that your dd is helping sound very high needs and need a proper TA, not a child, on it be their head if she gets injured by one of them, you have a justification to take legal action against the school. It is not a matter of her befriending quiet kids in the playground, or reading with children, she is doing what a qualified TA should be doing, that is not on.

YOu need to have a meeting with the headteacher, and tell them that your dd is not supporting any students, anymore or you will be consulting your solicitor, as it is not her job to provide 121 support for special needs kids, the school should be finding that out of their budget or applying for top up funding or EHCP,

MitziK · 21/01/2019 17:49

It's a Safeguarding risk for both of them. And what exactly has happened to the children's budgets for support if they're not spending it on qualified adults?

I'd want to go in and talk to the SG Lead tomorrow.

This isn't 'Buddying' or bolstering a shy girl's confidence - it's expecting her to replace a fully grown adult. Who will have been trained, will be insured and is an appropriate person to make sure a small child with SEN is safe.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2019 17:52

I would also be informing the LEA and Ofstead to, your dd has a right to be safe in school and to an education, which she is not getting. It is not her job to support kids with SN who quite clearly need a qualified adult there. As a parent of 2 kids with SN, I would be livid if school were delegating my dc EHCP hours to a child, instead of getting proper support.

Beeziekn33ze · 21/01/2019 17:52

Shocked that your daughter is being exploited like this. I'm in favour of older pupils voluntarily supporting younger ones in general but she's being used as a small unpaid, untrained TA. Not being allowed to go to toilet is the last straw.
Who asked, or told, her to look after the children? It doesn't sound as if the Y7 teacher is aware of the arrangement. Are no staff around when the boy is hitting her and spitting in her face? Is anyone bothering to debrief her or even thank her.
IMHO it's practically child abuse. I hope you soon sort it out so that your child can relax and be with her friends at break times.

MaisyPops · 21/01/2019 17:52

Using students as buddies is reasonable, especially if it's a student who might lack confidence etc.

However, it shouldn't be a substitute for appropriate staffing and your DD should get her lunch etc.

I'd check that she's definitely been asked to give up that nuch time and she's not going beyond what's been asked. Then take it from there. Absolutely raise it with school though and make your feelings known.

I would ignore calls to go straight to ofsted etc. All ofsted will do is ask if you've spoken to the school (contrary to MN wisdom, it doesn't make you get taken more seriously). I'd get an appointment made with the Head asap.

Missingstreetlife · 21/01/2019 17:53

Wide open for abuse or allegations on both sides, it's a disgrace.
Your dc needs help with boundaries, can she do some out of school activities to build her confidence?

Littleraindrop15 · 21/01/2019 17:55

Defo bang out of order!!!!!

marymarkle · 21/01/2019 17:57

OFSTED don't exist in Scotland anyway.

TrumpsAreFarts · 21/01/2019 17:59

That's awful, your poor DD. Ask for a full explanation and make it very clear they are not to use her like this.

UnicornSlaughters · 21/01/2019 18:02

This is horrifying, I'm appalled. Your poor daughter. Not only is it way too much responsibility for any 10/11 year old, but she's putting herself into such a vulnerable position by following him into the toilets. All sorts of allegations could be made against her, and she'd have no way of proving her innocence. She shouldn't be put in that situation by her school.

I'd go batshit. I'm honestly gobsmacked that they think this is appropriate.