To object to an 11yr old girl sharing a bedroom with a 16yr old boy?

[wishuponarainbow]

Looking for opinions please!

Is it ever OK for a 16yr old boy (man?) to share a room with an 11yr old girl?

They are not blood relatives.

@easyandy101 the other girl is the ops Exh new girlfriends dd and half sister to the 16yo ... she is not related to the ops dd

Being half sister to the 16yo doesn't exclude her from being half sister to the op's daughter

It does however ruin the 16yo boy (MAN) shares with 11yo girl narrative a bit

@easyandy101 the other girl is the ops Exh new girlfriends dd and half sister to the 16yo ... she is not related to the ops dd*

Being half sister to the 16yo doesn't exclude her from being half sister to the op's daughter

It does however ruin the 16yo boy (MAN) shares with 11yo girl narrative a bit

Sorry, last message posted too soon.

@easyandy101 just to clarify, the two children my daughter has been asked to share with are NOT related to her an any way (although it could be argued they are step siblings).

The girlfriend has two children-one 16yr old and one 12yr old. They have different fathers so are half siblings.

It does however ruin the 16yo boy (MAN) shares with 11yo girl narrative a bit

To me, and I be wrong, it doesn't change the narrative at all. In fact the narrative remains when my daughter isn't the there, just change the age by 12. However I am not going to interfere in the choices that another mum has made in the sleeping arrangements for HER children.

I am absolutely concerned over the choices that she and my EXh are making over the sleeping arrangement for MY child.

@TulipsInbloom1 Thank you so much (and to the others who have suggested) contacting NSPCC advice. I've sent a lengthy email to them and await their advice.

My next port of call is going to have to be child maintenance. My delightful Ex has now messaged to inform me that "you will be getting less money when I move in to GFs but you're not going to get any money anyway know that you've stopped me seeing my daughter". He pays the CMS amount at present.

I've stuck to the point that I'm not stopping him at all, he can come and see her anytime and have sleepovers at his flat, or his GFs if I could get a reassurance that she won't have to share with boy. I'm not even insisting she has her own bed/room-the living room is fine! I'm not rising to the money, he pays minimum amount he has to just now according to CMS calculator.

Bloody hell. I'm close to loosing it.

Thanks if you've managed to read this far.

"you will be getting less money when I move in to GFs but you're not going to get any money anyway know that you've stopped me seeing my daughter"

Save, save, save

He is digging his own grave with these constant messages

He is such a twat isn't he? I can see why he's an ex.

Rather than getting frustrated, I'd be dancing on he ceiling every time he sent another text.
Fuel for the fire.(apart from the hurtful texts he's sending to his 11 year old daughter obv)
Sounds thick as pigshit.

Well done for keeping your cool wishuponarainbow.
If he's sending your DD unpleasant texts show her how to block his number for now.

Absolutely not!

For siblings it would be fine on an occasional basis but it's not appropriate for kids who are not related. You are in the right, you're being perfectly reasonable and her father sounds a bit of a prick to be honest.

Stand firm - put it in writing too. In worst case scenario if it reaches the family court, they'll take your side. They'd never allow that situation and you can not be accused of withholding contact or parental alienation.

I’m pretty sure it’s against the law for children of the opposite sex to share a room after the oldest turns 10? Is it not? If not then so inappropriate!!

No! No! No!

Nope, no way, no how. I wouldn't even if they were related

OP please read my earlier message. KEEP being reasonable, calm, firm and put everything in writing. Keep copies of all correspondence.

Don't lose your cool because this may reach the family courts and you'll need this evidence to present your side of the story.

Hold it together! You're in the right 100%

Nope, nopity, nope. Not right at all, whoever thinks it is is mistaken. Even with blood relatives, never appropriate.

OMG, No No Noooo???? I would not be happy about this.... Dad needs to wake up and see how wrong this is.... can't dad sleep in with son and daughter share with gf.. I would not allow sleep over until resolved... Your a good parent responsible

Hi look at room sharing on the nspcc sight it's very helpful maybe you could send link to her dad...

Nope, it’s completely inappropriate. The only circumstance this could be okay is it was siblings and not long term, I.e. on family holiday when there’s no alternative. There was an alternative and his putting his need to bunk up with new girl friend before his daughters needs

No.

I think I’m more concerned that your exH is so willing to emotionally blackmail his own 11 year old daughter than the fact she had to share a room. Ok the room sharing is not good either considering she was uncomfortable with the situation and I assume there was a sofa she could have slept on but wasn’t allowed to.

Is it possible that he is deliberately trying to get you to cut contact and him not pay so that he can start fresh with his GF and her kids?

I just can’t understand why a father would think it’s acceptavle to send those kind of texts to his own daughter.

You are definitely doing the right thing OP stay strong! You aren’t stopping her access to him you just want him to be a grown up and listen to his own child instead of bullying her!

no , my grandaughters stay in my house of a weekend but theyre 11 and 8 ive had to do them their own room now as the slept in a put you up bed in uncles room till he was approaching 16 but i thought that was too old now to do that

Op it this is a Council koperty Then The law about not sharing room does apply. The law about different sex children doesn't only apply in cases of property ownership or private renting...

Absolutely not. Your instincts are spot on. It’s not just a potential risk of harm (however slight, the damage however would last a lifetime). It’s the lack of boundaries for all the children involved, the lack of respecting their personal space.

Your ex seems to be under the delusion that CMS pays for access. In fact if he isn’t seeing her at all then he’ll owe more.

What a horrible man though to bully your DD and threaten you with economic sanctions because you aren’t agreeing to his demands. It shows zero respect for your DD as a person, or any acknowledgement of her rights to her feelings.

You are doing an excellent job being a brilliant role model for your DD on standing up for herself. Her future self esteem will thank you.

That is really cruel that he feels justified to blackmail and pile so much emotional pressure on his DD.
Has he been ok previously or is this completely out of character?

I don’t think I would let my 11 year old girl share with a16 year old boy, but that does not mean that the 16 year old boy would not be anything but brotherly to your daughter. But it is just best not to do it!! l sure he is also not happy with having to share with a little girl!!

I'm horrified why do you have to even ask !?