To object to an 11yr old girl sharing a bedroom with a 16yr old boy?

[wishuponarainbow]

Looking for opinions please!

Is it ever OK for a 16yr old boy (man?) to share a room with an 11yr old girl?

They are not blood relatives.

Also op you could get your dd a phone so if she wants to go but feels it may be a risk that she will be forced to sleep in the room with him that she can message you immediately and you will go and collect her.

What a prick your exh is being, hopefully with some time out from messages he will have a chance to cool down and see some fucking sense about what he is doing to the relationship with his daughter with his sick attitude

Absolutely not! Those are volatile ages for both and it poses a potential risk, no matter how innocuous the circumstances or the children seem to be. Both children at those ages need their personal space for modesty and security.

Your ex also sounds like an asshole, and I wouldn't let him bully you.

Good luck!

Keep on being reasonable OP.
I know they're a minority but it is quite shocking to see posters on this thread arguing that an 11 year old girl has no right to have boundaries. It's as if #metoo and everything we know about safeguarding and the right to say no never happened. No wonder children's anxiety and mental health problems are through the roof when there are so many adults making children feel so unsafe.

Good luck.

Could you discuss with exh's partner? Your exh sounds very unhelpful and it might be easier to sort without him muddying the water. She may be understanding when its very clear you are not in any way being suspicious of her ds. Just be clear that your dd is just not comfortable, not knowing any 16 yr old boys and see if you can figure out an arrangement. I imagine it must be difficult for 16 yo too.

Good luck!

Only under very exceptional (and temporary) circumstances.

Your ex is behaving like the standard abuser. I'm inclined to assume/hope this is why he's an ex? So it's not going to come as a huge surprise to you to hear his behaviour labelled as abuse.

You do get that all his responses, the manipulation, threats, etc, are just bog standard domestic abuse? Including the messages he's sent to his daughter. It's the usual tactics of a coercive controller. You can't reason with him because all he's interested in is having control. Abuse is about power and control, not nasty words or violence (even though both often feature).

I am mentioning this purely because if you understand that and see it through that lens you will be able to respond and deal with it appropriately. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

What permanently? NO!

If your DD is not comfortable then you are doing exactly the right thing. Your ex is a prick. So he thinks that he can reduce his maintenance payments. Oh he really is deluded. He doesn’t have a scoobies does he? I feel for your daughter and yourself, but as another poster has suggested, keep records of all texts and other communications sent to you both by him and then go seek a free half hour with a family law solicitor to get some good advice. Stay calm, stay strong and best of luck.

If I've understood correctly there are two younger girls in the room. The 16 year old probably isn't too delighted to have two 'sisters' in his room either. The girls would surely like a sleepover downstairs instead with snacks and a film.

That's it blueluce, put all the onus on the child who is already feeling pressure. Op, tell your ex no way.,your poor daughter

Detail? What is the relationship? Who else will be there and under what circumstances? Stranger or friend/cousin/step sibling?

Oh just seen the update. YANBU. That's inappropriate particularly as your DD is uncomfortable.

Yanbu. As others have said, remain calm and keep every correspondent.

CMS is totally different to contact, and if he stops paying and then goes to court for contact, it won’t be looked at kindly.

I can’t imagine there’s a family court that would see this sleeping arrangement as acceptable. I know I wouldn’t (I work within the family courts). You’re not being unreasonable.

I don’t know why you keep referring to the 16 year old child as a man. The situation is clearly not on in any way whatsoever but the fact is he’s a child in this as well.

That's what I was thinking Tidy.
If he moves in with her and they are not paying 2 rents and 2 lots of bills they could rent a bigger place.
I still think, the 16yr old boy could kip in the lounge for 1 night EOW and the 2 girls share the bedroom.

Do the council know they are moving in together? Isn't that the sort of thing that needs to be disclosed?

By 11 your daughter is completely allowed to set her own boundaries with her sleeping arrangements (within reason obviously). She doesn't want to share with a 16yo boy and is willing to sleep on the sofa instead. That is a perfectly reasonable boundary and should be respected.

It is different with siblings who gave grown up together and/or where there's little choice. Two of my opposite sex siblings happily shared one room beyond the age of 11 and I'd have no problem sharing with DBro on holiday. But they are our boundaries, not anyone else's.

Well done, OP, on supporting your daughter on this.

No, no and yet again no. YANBU

Definitely no

No not at all. Related or not both are not ok whatsoever.

I've read through the post and I'm sure it said somewhere the exh gf is in council housing? Children of any sex are to share a room at age 0-9 and children of the same sex can share a room 9-15. Also I can't imagine they already have a 3rd bed in the room so are using a pull out or something similar which could very easily be moved to another room for your dd. Your exh sounds like a massive prick, emotionally blackmailing your daughter. Feel very sorry for the 16yo too, bet he can't wait to have his own space!

No

OP have you ever met this boy? Does your DD get on with him?

Tell them he is a 16 year old boy and if something happens leaving your 11 year old daughter pregnant it will be very much your buisness.