To object to an 11yr old girl sharing a bedroom with a 16yr old boy?

[wishuponarainbow]

Looking for opinions please!

Is it ever OK for a 16yr old boy (man?) to share a room with an 11yr old girl?

They are not blood relatives.

Keep the text and remain factual and civil. If you have to stop ON visits and he takes you to court, you can use it... ( not that you’ll need it).
What happens if your dd starts her periods whilst she’s on a sleep over? Imagine how embarrassing that will be for her with a 16 yr old young man. My boys would hate to share a room with an 11 yr old girl. Just ignore his messages but support your daughter. Even if she didn’t mind, it’s still inappropriate to be fair.

The other young girl is the ops daughters half sister, they are not unrelated

I get this isn't an ideal situation but the op was phrased in such a way to suggest more peril than "2 sisters share a room with an older brother once a week"

Also they don't sound well off maybe, so judging their living arrangements (the half bro and half sis) is a bit um, I dunno, ivory towerish?

I would rat them out to the social to be totally honest. Could also be a way to get full custody.

You're doing the right thing op!

@easyandy101 the other girl is the ops Exh new girlfriends dd and half sister to the 16yo ... she is not related to the ops dd

I shared a room with my 17 year old brother for a week on holiday when I was 10. I was not in anyway scared of him (he was the one who tried to protect me from our other brother) and I never considered him to be a threat at all. I still felt very uncomfortable and embarrassed though.
It's a horrible situation to put her in, made even worse by his response to her having the courage to say that she is uncomfortable with it.

People on here are really deluded when it comes to council housing. For example
croydon council do not allow you to even go on to the housing list if you are only overcrowded by one bedroom.

“
Overcrowded by one bedroom
215. We have adopted the bedroom standard as our measure for overcrowding and have “raised the bar” in our assessment of reasonable preference for overcrowded households. We will not give reasonable preference to applicants that are overcrowded by one room according to the bedroom standard (with the exception of households that are currently occupying studio/bedsit accommodation or where the households are statutorily overcrowded29). We will not place an application assessed as one bedroom overcrowded (subject to the exceptions above), and that has no other housing need, on the housing register.”

Plenty of siblings HAVE to share and ops ex will not be classed as over crowded as the living room will be classed as a bedroom (whether they decide to use it or not) the council also wouldnt take ops daughter into consideration for the purpose of rehousing as its not her main home.

I would rat them out to the social to be totally honest. Could also be a way to get full custody.

Well there’s a lovely attitude . Nowhere does OP even remotely imply she wants full custody, quite the opposite.

I feel very sorry for all the kids involved.

Your Ex and his GF sound selfish and vile.

Yes, with everyone else. Inappropriate.

I'm a lone parent with ds (15) & dds (13 & 11).

The older two are good friends &, for holidays etc, we've until recently gone with ds & dd1 sharing & dd2 bunking in with me. This last year, I've been booking ds his own room, & the girls either share or are both in with me.

Ds is a gentleman & a delight, but he's still a hormonal teenager who needs his own space.

Sleepovers & garden camping have also become an issue this year - no, not ok for ds & his mates to be in a big tent with the dds & theirs!

I'd absolutely not tolerate my dd sharing in the circumstances you describe, OP. I'd be equally appalled if my ds was asked to share with a younger girl.

Stand your ground on this one.

Scottish council housing is not comparable with London / Croydon social housing for a start.

Why should the accepted good practice of the last 50 years be undermined by overcrowding being a fact of life nowadays in London?

Plenty of siblings HAVE to share and ops ex will not be classed as over crowded as the living room will be classed as a bedroom (whether they decide to use it or not) the council also wouldnt take ops daughter into consideration for the purpose of rehousing as its not her main home.
CandyCreeper

Quite.

But the problem is that according to the exH , the living room is not going to be used as a bedroom for either the 16 year old boy or for the 11 year old who is not related to him in any way, and that he is trying to bully his daughter into accepting conditions to her visitation that she has every right to feel deep unease about.

The other young girl is the ops daughters half sister, they are not unrelated
easyandy101

No - the other girl is the 16 year old boy's half sister, not the DD's half sister.

However DD has now received a message from her Dad telling her to "wise up and until she does she won't be seeing him." This man is almost 50!!

SAVE THIS MESSAGE

How do you expect people to fun moves to get another bedroom? Where I live that would put the difference from a 2 bed (950-1200) to over £1600. In wat fantasy land do you live, that people can magic up a minimum of £400 extra in rent a month without it impacting on other areas ?

It is a fucked up family. The so-called adults are making decisions with no regard for the welfare of the children. One of them is a vile bully.

I didn't say they had to fund a move.

The boy could sleep in the living room.

The exH could stay in his own flat and the girl in this family could share with her mom.

Presumably the exH brings some extra income into the family and is not just a parasite who has glommed onto the GF, so maybe they could actually afford the extra £400 or whatever a month to get somewhere else to live.

Maybe he is actually just a parasite.

Still think it would be nicer to make a nice sleepover for the 2 girls downstairs than to kick the boy out on his own.
But either way no need for them to all be sharing.

More info?

And I guess the lad may be happier downstairs for eg if there is an Xbox there and not I his room for eg.
Surely it would be nice for him to have a bit of space 1 night a week to play 15 rated games/watch 15 films and not have to be sharing with anyone.
Really odd that the dad and his gf are pushing sharing imo.

It isn't a satisfactory arrangement regardless of what your ex and his partner say. Your daughter has said it makes her feel uncomfortable but I doubt any of the three sharing a room are happy about it.

Does your husband have to take your daughter to sleep at his girlfriends every time she sees him?

Someone above suggested the two girls having a 'sleepover' downstairs might work but it can't go on as it is, anyone can see that.

I don't get why people with kids insist on moving in together when they can't afford to house all the kids

Emotional abuse of his 11! year old daughter

What a cunt, I can see why he is your ex.

Your DD will wise up to him and he will be the one to lose out in the long term.

If her dad wants to see her that badly, he should give her his room. This is what we do. I have a ds8, and dsd10, dss9 and dss5. When we have all four of them which is eow, the boys share ds room and dsd sleeps in our bed, with her own bedding, while me and dh sleep downstairs on the sofa-bed. You have to sacrifice your own comfort for your dc sometimes. He's bring a selfish twat.

OP has said that her Ex is moving inveith his GF. Does this not mean that he will be able to contribute to a larger place?

What a vile arsehole of a father she has. Your poor daughter. And yes keep copies of all his texts to her, especially that last one.

For all those saying the council will class the lounge as a bedroom. It USED to be (15 years ago I saw) that a lounge can't be used as a bedroom if the kitchen is directly off it. Not sure if this still applies though they might of changed it like a pp posted about over crowding.