To object to an 11yr old girl sharing a bedroom with a 16yr old boy?

[wishuponarainbow]

Looking for opinions please!

Is it ever OK for a 16yr old boy (man?) to share a room with an 11yr old girl?

They are not blood relatives.

It wouldn't matter if he was asking his DD to sleep in a room with a cat and a goldfish, if SHE is saying she is uncomfortable about the arrangement and he cannot discuss it reasonably without turning nasty and personal, that is a problem.

He's using threats, absolutism (e.g. turning "can we sort this out" into "you are stopping me seeing my daughter") and emotional blackmail to maintain control. It seems his new GF is of a similar bent. You are showing your DD that people like this don't get their own way just because they're bigger, nastier and scarier than other people. He's making your case for you.

Let him rant, rage, threaten and bully. Silly man. He's just creating evidence that can be used against him in any legal proceedings.

Shame for your DD though, to have to see that her dad is a bit of a blustering bully. It's so sad to see your hero expose their true selves as being selfish and ignorant and nasty.

I think the 16 yo is getting a bad wrap here!

It must be awful for him having his half sister there especially with the teenage things going through (the inevitable morning glory etc) not having his own space.

Now having his mums new partner there with a girl he barely knows staying in the room as well. Then if could see this thread basically being excused of being a predator (not something the OP has suggested at all) just the DD not liking the situation not the lad has been inappropriate in anyway.

Instead of assuming the kid going to jump her bones let’s try and see from both sides. It’s not ideal for anyone involved including the lad (who I am sure will be moving out as soon as he can)

The OP has stopped her going until suitable arrangements can be made because it isn’t right for both sides.

Poor lad is probably dealing with enough without being assumed a sexual predator!

I have an almopst 15 year old ds and he would absolutely hate this. In fact he would refuse.

Last year when ds was 14, and dd was 16 we all shared a family hotel room together but this year we have two rooms but dd is going to get a twin room to herself and ds come in with us even though there would be more room in his sister's room. It's just not fair on either of them. Boys need their privacy too as well as girls.

Nope.

Is the boy telling you he identifies as a girl, as seems to be getting almost fashionable in these transgender times? Or the girl identifying as a boy?

Wouldn't risk it in a million years.

Please answer the question. Responding to a question with a question is usually a sign that one doesn't have a reasonable response or that they are stupid one or the other FYI.

No-one has responded Pashal becasue your post makes no sense.

I am the mother of a male child. No way on earth should he be forced to share a room with a girl he is not related to and in actual fact he no longer wants to share a room with a girl he is related too. They both want their privacy.

@pashal2

No one has said in this post that all males especially aged 16 are rapist in waiting.

I do hope however that you have no daughter or your own. Op's child clearly stated she feels uncomfortable sharing a room. Not because of potential rape but privacy, growing up issues etc. How about we put you in the same room with another man whom you not related to and expect you to be happy with the lack of personal space? You would not like that would you ? I would not like to share on continuous basis with a person whom I'm not related too and to be fair even if I was related too them.

It's disgusting that A parent can put another person and their kids in front of their own child and then be rude about it to the mum who is only looking out for the child's safety. Do you think that's appropriate ?

Again, I have been in that situation. And 16yo is not a man. But these theatrics and fainting and swooning because a room had to be shared overnight ( not for a lifetime) and the talking out of both sides of ones mouth about " oh it's not about sex " then in next breath " she's in danger because a penis is in her proximity" not saying you said this but this is the just of many of the comments. So I ask again. Does this mean #metoo is correct and every human being that has brought forth a male child into the world has created a rapist in waiting ready to pounce on a child just because the child is female. And let me ask you. If the girl was 16 and the boy 11 would that have you in just as much hysterics and moral indignation or, are us females just more virtuous by birth?

It would be equally unacceptable if the girl was 16 and the boy was 11. They both need their privacy, getting dressed/undressed/sorting out what clothes to wear, etc. The girl might be tiny, the boy might be 6ft. They don't know each other and even if they did, they would still not want to share a room.

I would say definitely no.

@pashal2

Yes it would be just as bad.

You seem to be clinging on the rapist claim over here whereas no one else is. It's just not appropriate to put 2 siblings with such a age and sex gap together, let alone kids that are not related. Whether people did this year's ago or not times have changed ! Also if you want statistics( and I am a mother of a boy not a girl if that's relevant) we do have a lot more child / teenage offenders that we have had when I was a child (25 years ago +). 16 year olds know more about sex than adults knew 25+ years ago. At 16 in the UK you can get married, alas with consent. The legal age of consent for sex in the UK is also 16! You can legally leave home at 16! You can also apply to the council for a home of your own! You can legally have drink at 16 in the restaurants but cannot buy it yourself.

DO YOU STILL INSIST 16 YEARS OLD IS A CHILD ?! I think not !

Every parent has the right to be worried as you cannot guarantee that nothing is going to happen.

16 is legally a child. HTH

No one is querying the actions or the morals of the 16yr old lad.
The DD is being 'reasonable'. It is reasonable and fair to expect she might not want to share a room with a 16yr old lad.
The Ex husband is wanting to keep things all nicey with his girlfriend so is happy to dismiss and minimise every other need apart from that. The lad could sleep in the sitting room and let the girls have the bedroom.
Would any woman on here be comfortable to go around to a relative's house and expect to share with a man who's not a relative or a partner? No. So why are children treated like shit and made to do what suits the adults because they are a kid?

Yes I still insist 16 is a child. Can 16yo vote or be sent into war combat. They can't in U.S. or do anything you mentioned. But, again with your statistics. Sex sex sex sex sex sex. LoL.

Pashal would you honestly want to share a room with some random 16 year old boy?

How acceptable will exh and gf think it is when the 16yo is 18 and dd is 13?

You are being silly.

It doesn’t matter if the 16 year old is a child or not. Once children reach puberty they undergo various bodily and hormonal changes. They have the right to privacy. Heck my own 14 year old boy doesn’t even want me around when he’s washing or dressing any more.

A girl of similar age will have periods to contend with, she may be self conscious about her changing shape.

A 16 year old can get married. How is that a child?

My daughter left home to go to college in another city when she was 16.

Pashal you're being ridiculous.

Pretending Me Too is the belief that all men are rapists is just disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. If you need to lie about a movement to be able to dismiss it, then you cannot dismiss it. If you really prefer a society where men could leer at and exploit girls and women, and they were seen as problematic if they tried to stand up against it, then you have issues.

Of course the vast majority of people don't abuse. But it's common enough that a lot of people are abused. Some women are perpetrators, but statistically it's overwhelmingly more likely to be a man. Not liking facts doesn't alter them, or I would look like a supermodel and own a winning Euromillions ticket. Suggesting that wanting to avoid a pointless risk, is the same as accusing the person in that situation of definitely being a predator, is like saying people wanting to strap their kids into car seats are crazy and assuming the car will crash and should just merrily load them up without because OMG what are the odds? In both situations it's worth a simple precaution to avoid a horribly damaging and awful risk.The main difference is that abuse is a lot more common than a car crash.

In this case, there are two girls and a boy in that room, so the odds of any abuse are really, really low. That's not the issue (though it would be a reasonable concern if it were - DBS's weren't invented because schools just love paperwork). The concern is that two grownups want to fuck to the point they don't care about the comfort, dignity and happiness of their children.

If you really think that poor 16 year old boy wants to have to share a room with two kids, you're nuts. And any girl developing boundaries and her right to say when a situation makes her uncomfortable should be supported in doing so. It's an incredibly important life skill for anyone, but especially a young girl. Yet the parents are just manipulating, browbeating and shaming her. That's shit.

I don't know why you have such a bee in your bonnet on this one, but pretending abuse never happens (and if alleged the girl must be lying, and anyone saying otherwise thinks all men are rapists - which is what your Mee Too rants seem to suggest) isn't really the sanest stance to adopt.

👆This!

Well said, Perfectstorm

Thank you perfectstorm!!!

When I wrote my post and mentioned security and modesty, I meant that both the 11 yr old and 16 yr old would want and need that. Boys that age are going through hormonal changes and need their privacy. Girls that age are blossoming into young women and their bodies are changing too. They both need to feel safe a secure! It has nothing to do with lingerie and knives! So preposterous! I even used the word innocuous to describe both kids. That word means safe and harmless. If one cannot understand a post in the language that is universally shared on a forum then I suggest the person who replies to my post and takes my words out of context to buy a dictionary or look it up online!

Thank you, perfectstorm for saying what I couldn't say. I was so livid when I saw my words being misused that rather than responding I chose to ignore it. Thank you for saying what I was feeling though. Your post was very thoughtful, civil and eloquent. I really appreciate it.

Also, OP, I think you are being such a great mom! Stick to your guns and refuse to be bullied. Right now, your DD may feel like she has no voice and is not being heard. I know how hopeless that feels. Especially, at her age. Thank you for being her voice and for validating her. You're such a great mom! I really hope everything works out for you and DD. I wish you both the best of luck in this challenging situation. Stay strong and stay courageous. You've got this!!!

Excellent post, perfectstorm

OP is not the 16 year old boys mother, she cannot speak for him. She is responsible for her daughter.

I agree, well said @perfectstorm