To object to an 11yr old girl sharing a bedroom with a 16yr old boy?

[wishuponarainbow]

Looking for opinions please!

Is it ever OK for a 16yr old boy (man?) to share a room with an 11yr old girl?

They are not blood relatives.

Wow that is so inappropriate of your ex and his girlfriend. Why must they stay over at all?!

Sorry should have said clarified that IANBU!!

So, it stops. Ignore the objections. No family court in the land would say this was ok.

Never.

Oh god.poor thing she must be petrified and uncomfortable

To be fair I expect the 16 year old hates it too. Talk about awkward

Not fair on either.of them

No, no, no. I have DC of both sexes, with small age gaps (now all teenagers), and there is no way on Earth I would ask them to share a room with the opposite sex. If space is tight, I share with the girls.

That's so many types of wrong. I'd be getting legal advice and in the meantime not allowing him access

Bloody hell op!
You’ve really got to make it clear to ex that this is absolutely NOT acceptable and WILL NOT be happening again

No no no.

That's outrageous! Your poor DD must feel so uncomfortable.

If they were siblings this wouldn't be ideal but, in the real world, especially in expensive cities such as London, it's how very many people live. But as non siblings it's a huge no.

YANBU and I would not allow contact until alternative arrangements have been made. I think it must be very uncomfortable for both your DD and the girlfriends DS.

When allocating rooms for social housing I believe council rules state opposite sex siblings can share until 10, same sex between 10-16 and over 16 should have their own room. And as that is within the family no-one should be making your 11 year old DD share with a 16 year old she barely knows.

What are your options OP? How is your daughter feeling?

it would be common for boy and girl siblings to be sharing a bedroom at these ages in council housing so I dont get the outrage over siblings but non siblings no not good.

Well he’s a selfish git isn’t he, there are so many other options.
Tell him to see you in court.
Give dd a secret phone and If she’s ever put in the same situation again then she can call you.

Until I can get clarity from my ExH that my daughter is not sharing a room with his girlfriend's son my daughter will not be returning for overnight stays.

My daughter has been amazing and very clear with her Dad that she wants to see him, and his girlfriend and her family, but she is not comfortable sharing a room with the son.

Her Dad doesn't see the issue.
I've suggested alternatives eg. 1 sleep in living room, but it's met with "you're not telling us what to do" and "what happens when DD is with us is none of your business".

However I feel it is my business when my DD has expressed she is not comfortable.

When allocating rooms for social housing I believe council rules state opposite sex siblings can share until 10, same sex between 10-16 and over 16 should have their own room. And as that is within the family no-one should be making your 11 year old DD share with a 16 year old she barely knows.*

Thats not really the case. yes ideally that would be the case but its only when you becomr entitled, theres still a waiting list you dont just get awarded when they reach those ages. In london (my borough) your looking at atleast a 10 year wait. So yes in theory they wouldnt share but thats only when you become entitled to bid for an extra room. I know many people whose children of similar ages share a room.

Council housing does not allow this!

No way. Don't let her go until her dad sorts out separate sleeping arangments.

It would be okay for a 11 year old girl to share a bedroom with her 16 year old brother on holiday/for a few nights but not permanently. And it is definitely not okay for an 11 year old girl to share a bedroom with a completely unrelated and probably barely known 16 year old boy.

Re council housing, yep, I know a couple whose 10/11 year old girl and 15/16 year old boy share, in a council flat in a fairly nice area of London. They have been offered three bed places once or twice but in ghastly areas, so turned the offers down. It's not ideal but very doable.

Candy Oh I no it's not ideal or available for most families. My reason for pointing it out is that someone came up with the ages at which children should be sharing or not sharing within a family for a reason. It was just to illustrate the point that the OPs ex is being unreasonable to ask his 11 year old DD to share with a 16 year old boy who isn't her brother.

He can say what he likes but ultimately, it’s up to your dd and you as the resident parent to decide. She definitely shouldn’t be sharing with a 16 yr old boy who must be appalled to lose his privacy too!

No normal father would ever be willing to risk putting his 11 year old daughter in the same bedroom overnight as a 16 year old boy.
What in gods name is wrong with the man?
Sounds like some sort of freak.

Yanbu

I can't imagine the 16 year old boy would like to share with an 11 year old girl either.

Not fair on either of them

It absolutely is your business what happens when YOUR daughter is staying with them.
Can see why he's an ex!