To object to an 11yr old girl sharing a bedroom with a 16yr old boy?

[wishuponarainbow]

Looking for opinions please!

Is it ever OK for a 16yr old boy (man?) to share a room with an 11yr old girl?

They are not blood relatives.

YANBU.

Er, it so IS your business when it involves the safeguarding of your DD!
I have no doubt that they're highly offended that anyone could even think that the gf's son could be a sexual abuser but that doesn't matter - what matters is that your DD is not comfortable with the arrangement.

Nor would I be allowing it - so I agree with your stance of "no overnight stays". I wouldn't even allow them to have her if they DID agree as they sound like the sort of people who would just put her back in with the boy again anyway, just to spite you.

Oh god.poor thing she must be petrified

Seriously? Petrified? He’s a 16 yo boy, not Freddy Kruger.

wish. If your DD is uncomfortable & has told her Dad, then it’s up to him to decide if he wants to rearrange the sleeping accommodation, or not stay over when he has DD or not see her. Don’t buy into his ranting. You’ve told him she’s not going until it’s sorted because she is uncomfortable, so just ignore him stropping. No court will make her share a room with a 16 yo lad and your ex knows that

It's got to be a no from me!

There are very good reason s for saying this is not acceptable. The fact some other families are in overcrowded accomodation is irrelevant to this.

No fucking way. I’d be furious if this was my DD. Hopefully you get it sorted OP.

He already shares a room with his sibling. It is a council house and apparently the LA he is in don't have an issue with siblings of different sexes sharing.

I do however as does my DD and she is my number one priority just now.

For the last few years she has seen her Dad EOW and has a room at his flat.
He is now apparently planning to move in with his girlfriend. Meaning this 'arrangement' would become permanent.

I can't, and won't, allow that to happen.

The nasty texts I am receiving at the moment are relentless

Thanks so much for all of your support. It's amazing and given me some extra strength.

Hell no

Oh god that's worrying and it doesn't matter if this boy shares with his sibling - is the sibling in the room too when your DD stays then? Your DD is not his sibling and shouldn't have to be in the room.

My 16 year old boy would be deeply uncomfortable at being asked to share with an 11 yo girl.

He would probably go and sleep on the bathroom floor.

At 11 the courts would listen to your Dd’s views so tell him sort out his thinking or see you in court.

Yanbu. It’s completely inappropriate.

Can't he get her a nice sofa bed for the living room? Not ideal but it solves the bedroom issue for everyone and means she can see her dad

The council might not have a problem with siblings of different sexes sharing but they aren’t siblings. He is your ex’s girlfriend’s son! He’s presumably either in Year 11 or 12 and your daughter is in year 7. It couldn’t be less appropriate.

You don’t need to work out alternative arrangements, they need to convince you that they have an arrangement in place which means she is not sharing a room with a 16 year old boy (and his sibling).

Be sure to keep a copy of all those nasty texts...

ofcourse the council “allow” it. I know a family of 5 in a one bed flat. I dont think its ideal op but not sure what you can do about it. Surely the sofa bed is the easiest solution.

Make sure you keep all the texts.

There is absolutely no way I would allow this to continue and there's no way the courts would support this arrangement either! DD is old enough to decide for herself what she wants to do.

Also, do they really think the main reason for objecting is because you think the son is a risk to DD? As if they do it just shows how ignorant they are. Does it not occur to them that an 11 year girl might not feel ok about sharing with a much older teenage boy? Do her feelings not come into their thought processes?

Inform social services.

Completely inappropriate. It absolutely is your business. She’s your daughter and what you say goes. She must feel very uncomfortable and I’m sure the 16 year old doesn’t want to share with her either. Your ex has lost the plot and so has his girlfriend. How dare they lambast you. You are right but I think you know that.

Candy OP suggested that and her ex told he she wasn't telling him what to do.

So he's now made it clear that his child is not safe there.

OP see a solicitor and tell social services. You must get the authorities on your side.

I was going to say fine for siblings in a family hotel room in seperate beds for a one off or something. But in these circumstances just no.
Awful for both of them.
Why don’t they do a little sleepover with a film and sweets for the 2 girls downstairs and let the 16yr old have the room to himself when she stays over? Then no-ones getting kicked out of their room and everyone gets a bit of space.
If your dd is uncomfortable then of course it’s your business! I would contact the nspcc for advice and see if you still need to send her for overnights if they don’t have appropriate sleeping arrangements.

I've got all the texts he has sent me.
Also took photos of the ones he has sent DD telling her "oh well if you don't want to come and spend time with us I will just have delete your games". To which she replied that she does want to see him, but she doesn't want to share a room with the son. He's not listening to her.

A sofa bed anywhere else in the house would be a perfect solution. But he is not willing to discuss or even acknowledge that there is an issue.

Like others have pointed out, it's not fair on the 16yr old either!

I've always supported my daughters relationship with her Dad, and his partners, but this is a step too far.

Your ex is being defensive and an asshole. I don’t usually name call but he is. Of course she shouldn’t have to share. Nor should the boy, who is probably even more mortified, his body is hormonal and , well just NO.

Phone childine or nspcc for backup advice.

He sounds a complete twat. And yes consult a solicitor.

No way would I let her go there again! Not on. And not fair to either child.