I'm right to be annoyed with DH about this aren't I?

[NoMoreMarbles]

So I'm in bed this morning and turned into my back. My PJs are long pants and a cami type top(relevant)... I hadn't quite woken up and DH was watching TV and didn't know I was awake.

I feel the top of my PJ top moving and H has it lifted up and is peeping down my top at my boobs... WTF! I brushed his hand off and asked what he thinks he's doing and his response was "I was only having a look"

I'm seriously pi*%?d off that he thinks it's acceptable to purposely look down my top when he thinks I'm asleep!

AIBU?

Oh no, a husband fancying his own wife

Good effort, but try again.

And you milk, keep going, you’ll get there.

Apologies if you are not a man don, you do a good impression of a lecherous one.

I’m in my 40’s, I’m finding myself more and more perplexed by the things slightly younger and much younger women are offended/worried/concerned/calling abuse. I genuinely worry how it’s all affecting happiness and mental health.

I'm in my 60s and I wouldn't appreciate things being done to me/about my person when I'm asleep either.

He's washing the car, his tshirt keeps riding up, I like looking at him

Then presumably, he's awake?

@ILoveMaxiBondi - Where? Where will I get to? Where am I going?

Because I'm not sure it's somewhere I want to be.

@Nanny0gg - of course he's awake. But he's outside on the driveway and I'm standing in the lounge watching him. He hasn't yet noticed that I'm leching over watching him.

Where? Where will I get to?

You will get closer to desribing the actual issue rather than similar but not quite the same (due to levels of consciousness and deliberate removal of clothing) situation.

For example, watching your awake husband’s t-shirt rise up while he washes the car is quite different than removing his clothing while he sleeps.

You rolled over from your side, on to your back. Most people would be awake (even if eyes are closed), to make this move in bed. I presume your DH thought you were waking up, or awake. In our house, what he did next would have led to a morning romp.

But of course, there are lots of women on MN, who will tell you that your DH is abusive and that you've been assaulted. Quite frankly, I cannot fathom that angry reaction.

As for PP who say "what else does he do to you, when you're asleep", how bloody heavy do you sleep?? Any normal person, not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, would wake up the moment someone touched them, so that's just pure, unadulterated scare mongering.

Also, see how the story has grown arms and legs, when ILove has changed the story to removal of clothing, when it was a little peep down the cami top.

I swear some women on here seem to absolutely hate their husbands.

Also, see how the story has grown arms and legs, when ILove has changed the story to removal of clothing, when it was a little peep down the cami top.

Nope. Not a little peep. He had to move the top away from her body in order to see what he wanted. He removed the clothing from where it was. I often wonder what is behind the strong desire in some women to minimise this behaviour from men.

And yes, some people sleep heavily, some also sleep after having a drink, or taking medication that makes them sleep heavily. Not sure why that wouldn’t occur to you.

@ILoveMaxiBondi - closer to desribing the actual issue rather than similar but not quite the same

So will you. You've changed the story to the perpetrator husband removing items of clothing. The OP stayed that her top was lifted so he could peer down it. That indicates moving the neckline slightly away from her body. Bit of a difference.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. And I'm fine with DH initiating sex with me when I'm sleeping too, so shoot me.

I hate threads like this.

Yes, some people have relationships where being woken up by sexual behaviour. That doesn’t mean that if you don’t like that and don’t want it, yours some sort of prude. If you’re going to wake your partner up like that, you need to establish that they’re ok with it before you do it.

Op I’d feel the same as you.

^where being woken up by sexual behaviour is fine.

The OP stayed that her top was lifted so he could peer down it. That indicates moving the neckline slightly away from her body. Bit of a difference.

Yes, he removed it from where it was on her body to reveal the parts he wanted to see.

And I'm fine with DH initiating sex with me when I'm sleeping too, so shoot me.

No, because you’re clearly fine with it. Why would anyone shoot you? OP isn’t, that’s her Own personal preference.

Yes, he removed it from where it was on her body to reveal the parts he wanted to see.

He moved it. Removed, in the English language, generally has a different meaning.

Although to be fair, you also seem to have a different idea to the meaning of sexual relationship to most other people too.

Ugh. Men leching over their wives. I think that's worse than looking at random strangers.

Hahahahahahahaha! Oh sorry, I thought you were joking.

I often wonder what is behind the strong desire in some women to minimise this behaviour from men

Some women actually really fancy their husbands and enjoy this kind of fondling, when they are waking up. gasp And the Op was waking up. She said so herself. Her DH thought so too.

However much you want to shout "abuse" from the rooftops, doesn't make it so.

My DH sometimes fondles my boobs, without written or verbal consent. I love it. It turns me on. No doubt though, in your eyes he is an abuser, because he doesn't expressively say beforehand "can I touch your boobs please" (which would be the biggest turn off ever).

God help your daughters if they are raped or sexually assaulted in other ways going by some of the attitudes to men and the bodies some of you are implying they seem to own, not to mention how thick some of you sound.

The OP wasn't happy. That's all that matters here.

Some posters seem to be amending what happened to suit their own over-reaction, I've highlighted some clarifications in brackets.

1. OP said she turned over, DH then leans over and peers down her top at her boobs, he says it's was just having a look. (She assumed he thought she was asleep, though nothing he's said in that original post indicates he thought she was deeply asleep.)
2. In many longer-term relationships looking is fine, even asleep, and touching to initiate sex is also fine (asleep is by definition not unconscious, people wake up from sleep). To some of us it really doesn't seem very different to snuggling up while asleep, he's behaving like many males and females do in long term relationships.
3. (We don't know what their relationship has been like to anticipate he should expect his advances to be unwanted). OP doesn't like it, so if she tells him and DH does it again then clearly there is a problem (has she said something before?).

I often wonder what is behind the strong desire in some women to minimise this behaviour from men

For me, it's the fact that I have a strong desire to focus on the main issues. There is absolutely no doubt that the behaviour of many many men is completely unacceptable and I genuinely believe that getting our arses in our hands about our own husbands looking at us, maybe a gentle touch, whatever, does more harm than good.

Some women actually really fancy their husbands and enjoy this kind of fondling, when they are waking up

Fine.

Some women actually really fancy their husbands and don’t enjoy this kind of fondling, when they are waking up.

There’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re going to touch someone sexually (or moving their clothes) so you can look at them sexually you need to know they are ok with that. I don’t understand how sone people think that is wrong.

Just can't take this seriously......something I would have laughed about.