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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm right to be annoyed with DH about this aren't I?

287 replies

NoMoreMarbles · 20/01/2019 10:59

So I'm in bed this morning and turned into my back. My PJs are long pants and a cami type top(relevant)... I hadn't quite woken up and DH was watching TV and didn't know I was awake.

I feel the top of my PJ top moving and H has it lifted up and is peeping down my top at my boobs... WTF! I brushed his hand off and asked what he thinks he's doing and his response was "I was only having a look"AngryHmm

I'm seriously pi*%?d off that he thinks it's acceptable to purposely look down my top when he thinks I'm asleep!

AIBU?

OP posts:
cricketmum84 · 20/01/2019 12:42

If you seriously have a problem with your partner looking at your naked body without formal bloody consent then I don't think a sexual relationship is for you.

This with bells on!

Yabbers · 20/01/2019 12:46

19 year relationship here. This would creep me out.

But, the only issue here is, did it creep you out? If so, your partner should respect that and not do it again. Whether he (or anyone here) thinks it’s ok or not isn’t the issue. If you don’t think it’s ok, he shouldn’t do it.

Missingstreetlife · 20/01/2019 12:52

She wasn't naked, he moved her clothing. He thought she was asleep.
Almost anything consenting adults do in private is ok, it's up to them.
If she doesn't like it, it's not ok. Their sex life when awake may be good or bad but if she doesn't like something he shouldn't do it.
The main issue is how he behaves in future, it's not difficult.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 12:53

Moving a sleeping person’s clothing to see their breasts isn’t a sexual relationship though! A relationship is a two way street, what he did was entirely one way and self serving.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 12:54

Unconscious people can’t have sexual relationships. That’s for the awake people.

Gogreen · 20/01/2019 13:05

Can’t believe people are weirded out by this.

He tried to remove your clothes and look at your boobs, we was probably starting foreplay, if your not in the mood just say no. I wouldn’t be up in arms about it though, but your obviously different and I now assume your husband knows to never start sex with you when your asleep.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/01/2019 13:06

Unconscious people can’t have sexual relationships. That’s for the awake people.

I don't even know where to start with this utter drivel!!!

Is my marriage null and void when I'm asleep? Can I go and fuck other men when DH is asleep because he's not in a sexual relationship with me?

Gogreen · 20/01/2019 13:08

Ilovemaxi.....
What you said was stupid, of course people who are asleep can be in a sexual relationship

Gogreen · 20/01/2019 13:09

And going to sleep doesn’t make you unconscious!!!! Do you know anything?

Vixxxy · 20/01/2019 13:09

This would seriously creep me out. It might no have at one time and I would have thought he was just being daft, however in fairly recently years I have had a partner assault me in my sleep, then lie and say he was asleep too (also only seemed to do it when he knew he had taken the sleeping tablets that I need to sleep through pain.

Like, I cannot imagine deciding I am horny so starting just groping someone when they are asleep, especially when they have said many times they hate it. Also cannot imagine just randomly looking down someones boxers or something..sounds weird Hmm

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 20/01/2019 13:10

Unconscious people can’t have sexual relationships. That’s for the awake people.

All of this! It's nothing to do with a marriage not existing when you're asleep, simply that you are unable to consent to ANYTHING when you're not conscious. It's simple beyond measure that a person who isn't physically aware of something can't therefore consent to it.

Itstimetoscream · 20/01/2019 13:10

So if the OP was actually asleep and didn't know he was doing this what else is he doing what she's asleep? She didn't consent for him to undressing her! Like PP have said being already naked and looking is a different story.

I would be seriously pissed off if my partner didn't this to me whilst I was asleep. I would be be wondering what else he had been doing when he thought I was asleep.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 20/01/2019 13:11

DH and I both often initiate foreplay while the other is still asleep. The other party can push hands away or say they aren’t in the mood but usually it leads to sex. In over 30 years DH has never asked for my formal consent, one if us starts the touching etc and if not rebuffed then we carry on.

I often turn around in the shower to find DH enjoying the view... i think it’s quite sexy TBH .. being asked if it’s okay first wouldn’t be sexy... THAT would be weird IMO.

Itstimetoscream · 20/01/2019 13:11

Did this*

Crazybunnylady123 · 20/01/2019 13:11

This is weird. I wouldn’t care and to be honest I’d probably start to giggle. Me and dp love each other and to be honest for us it’s a non issue. Not like he’s looking at someone else it’s you he’s into! If he was trying to have sex with you in your sleep that’s different. But he’s only looking and probably thinks nothing of it.

Kennehora · 20/01/2019 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vixxxy · 20/01/2019 13:12

And I don't mind partners seeing me naked or whatever, but would definitely find it strange if they were doing it when I was asleep. One thing i they look as I have fell asleep naked or something, quite another to be moving clothes to perv a bit. As said though, I have hangups about this sort of thing anyway given past experiences. It also seems not that uncommon, for guys to do stuff like this.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 13:13

Oh how I wish people would read, and then process what they have read before responding. People who are sleeping can not be having a sexual relationship. They may be in a relationship where they have sex while they are awake, but while they are unconscious they cannot be having a sexual relationship with anyone. Being in a relationship with someone does not mean your body is theirs to with as they wish when you are asleep.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 13:14

now assume your husband knows to never start sex with you when your asleep.

Normal people know that already!!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 13:15

Is my marriage null and void when I'm asleep? Can I go and fuck other men when DH is asleep because he's not in a sexual relationship with me?

😂😂😂

You can fuck whoever you want.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 13:16

As long as they’re awake and consent. Wink

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 13:18

one if us starts the touching etc and if not rebuffed then we carry on.

So either you know the person is awake and consenting or they’re asleep and have no idea they’re being touched so can’t rebuff.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/01/2019 13:19

It's nothing to do with a marriage not existing when you're asleep, simply that you are unable to consent to ANYTHING when you're not conscious. It's simple beyond measure that a person who isn't physically aware of something can't therefore consent to it.

I'll say it again

If you seriously have a problem with your partner looking at your naked body without formal bloody consent then I don't think a sexual relationship is for you.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/01/2019 13:21

And again, moving a sleeping person’s clothing to look at their breasts is not a sexual relationship. It is an entirely one sided act that benefits only one of the party. That’s not a relationship.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/01/2019 13:21

@ILoveMaxiBondi - I think you mean sex not sexual relationship.

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