I'm right to be annoyed with DH about this aren't I?

[NoMoreMarbles]

So I'm in bed this morning and turned into my back. My PJs are long pants and a cami type top(relevant)... I hadn't quite woken up and DH was watching TV and didn't know I was awake.

I feel the top of my PJ top moving and H has it lifted up and is peeping down my top at my boobs... WTF! I brushed his hand off and asked what he thinks he's doing and his response was "I was only having a look"

I'm seriously pi*%?d off that he thinks it's acceptable to purposely look down my top when he thinks I'm asleep!

AIBU?

For those people quibbling over whether the op’s husband knew she was Aldermoor or not...
In a hypothetical case where a woman is fast asleep and her husband lifts up her top and stares at her breasts, is that ok or not? Assume they’ve never spoken about him doing that before.

Aldermoor?!! That should say “sleeping”.

blimey MirriVan, you just dont give up do you?

but its fine cos you're a FEMINIST, that makes it perfectly reasonable to denigrate any male viewpoint, any at all, especially on a female forum like MN

women like you are setting us back just as much as outdated and sexist men have done for years, equality is about everyone being allowed a viewpoint, that includes men and women.

having the attitude that all men are shite and should never be allowed an opinion says more about you than the men you love to put down.

anyway op, back to you....presumably as this happened earlier, you will have discussed it with your dh, and made him aware you arent happy with it, hopefully he will understand your viewpoint and respect it, even though it doesn't make sense to many of us, if it offends you then you must make it clear to him.

even though it doesn't make sense to many of us,

You just couldn’t help yourself could you?

ssd, why are you putting so much effort into that particular bloke? His entire contribution was being shocked that so many women would dislike this being done to them, and then telling them they should "get a grip, ladies".

Oh sorry, he also complained that "people take this consent thing too far." Truly a saint of a man well worth an impassioned defence.

People are speaking as if he'd drugged her and she was unconscious while he did what he wanted to her body! She was half dozing and he copped a cheeky peek (probably hoping she'd be up for a bit of morning fun)... he's her husband for God's sake, not some stranger on a bus. I really don't see the problem OP... If you weren't in the mood just tell him to get off. If he refused, yes I'd say that was wrong, but sounds like he backed off straight away. From the post, sounds like he didn't even touch your actual body, just your top. I don't know, maybe I just dont get it. Me and oh are very intimate and I couldn't imagine this ever being an issue. We often initiate intimacy while the other is semi asleep, I love being woken up by his touch. If I'm not in the mood I make it clear and he stops, and vice versa. We constantly "cop a feel" while just walking past eachother in the house, and while sharing the same bed I'm assuming we spend alot of the night touching eachother without being fully aware, thats our norm. Do you not fully trust your Oh? I could only imagine this scenario making you feel this way because you don't feel 100% comfortable with him.

I dont really care about that bloke 53rdWay, I'm sure he's big enough to stand up for himself if he's bothered, I just dont like seeing men being put down in the same way women have been put down for years, its sort of like we were treated badly and not listened to so we'll now put men down and not listen to them

its just annoys me, people will never be treated equally until we are all treated the same, we are all listened to evenly and treated with respect, even if we dont like or agree with each other

he's her husband for God's sake, not some stranger on a bus
And that means consent doesn’t apply?

its just annoys me, people will never be treated equally until we are all treated the same, we are all listened to evenly and treated with respect, even if we dont like or agree with each other

Him saying “get a grip ladies” and “consent had gone too far” is respectful?

no its not respectful and my previous post applies to him just as much to MirriVan

My LTB was sarcasm

To me its a mountain out of a molehill, quite usual on here though.

Yes OP, so what has happened since? That's what really matters.

I think more communication is needed. My husband and I both have given permission to have 'free reign'. He is my husband and I have absolute trust in him and his actions.

I like that we can delight in each other's bodies and have spontaneous fun without a consent form.

We also fancy each other like mad so always grabbing each other's bum or grabbing a cheeky kiss. I would find it quite funny to catch him having a quick eyeful (and vice versa) and it makes us both feel desired.

I just dont like seeing men being put down in the same way women have been put down for years, its sort of like we were treated badly and not listened to so we'll now put men down and not listen to them

You don’t get it. That particular man was the subject of many put downs because people had “listened” to him by reading his posts. He should be immune from criticism because he’s a man?

@PurpleDaisies we have spoken about it and it's not the first time we've had a similar conversation tbh...

I don't enjoy being woken up by being groped and wouldn't dream of doing that to sleeping DH... the previous conversation was about being watched while I was in the shower and i just found it creepy that he had opened the bathroom door slightly and was peering in like a peeping tom! I haven't made a huge deal about this with him previously or this time but I made it clear I don't think this is ok. I respect the privacy of others so my privacy should be just as important.

I fancy my DH and he fancies me (clearly) but there are lines that I don't wish to cross...especially if they involve taking advantage of a presumably sleeping person for my own pleasure.

it's not the first time we've had a similar conversation tbh...

That’s a bit worrying.

I fancy my DH and he fancies me (clearlyhmm) but there are lines that I don't wish to cross

Same here. I really don’t like the implication that there’s something wrong in a relationship if there are some things you don’t want to do.

@PurpleDaisies yep... hence me asking here tbh! It's sometimes hard to see an overreaction or to feel like I'm right when he says "i was only..." like I'm being ridiculous.

I fancy my DH and he fancies me (clearlyhmm) but there are lines that I don't wish to cross...especially if they involve taking advantage of a presumably sleeping person for my own pleasure

100% agree OP

the looking at boobs didn't really bother me but spying on you when you're in the shower! He is creepy!!!! That's weird

hatethinkingofusernames what’s the difference between the two situations? In both, the op is unaware of what he’s doing.

and i just found it creepy that he had opened the bathroom door slightly and was peering in like a peeping tom!

That is creepy. It sounds like you not knowing he's looking is part of the enjoyment for him.