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AIBU?

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Original poster

People that have been in Jail.

433 replies

firsttimedad79 · 20/01/2019 07:55

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.

It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person.

I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now.

AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 21/01/2019 19:47

Maybe he genuinely isn't a danger to children, @Ribbonsonabox but nevertheless he isn't someone I'd ever want to know, as he would creep me out. He may not have abused the children himself, but he's getting turned on by watching it happen. Think about that, it's sick, how can you want to have anything to do with him?

Nicknacky · 21/01/2019 19:49

You said on the other thread you “have no issue” with him being around your children. Present tense.

He IS convicted sex offender. A paedophile.

Lizzie48 · 21/01/2019 19:50

And he is a pedophile, he gets turned on by indecent images of children.

Ribbonsonabox · 21/01/2019 19:55

Because he was ill and it was a stupid mistake caused by his addiction? He was a good guy. He volunteered all this info and the documents about it because I was about to move into a shared house with him and some other people who he was at uni with. He told us all about it to make sure we still wanted to live with him. He certainly felt very bad about it trust me. Again this is someone who has never given me cause to regret trusting him.

canidoitnow · 21/01/2019 19:56

@Togertiger yes?

Nicknacky · 21/01/2019 19:56

Downloading indecent images of children can never be called a “mistake”.

Mamaat50 · 21/01/2019 20:00

There are so many excuses on this thread. Minimising. Outright lies. Laughably stupid lies which a quick google will uncover.

There isn’t actually one person on the entire thread who is a criminal or a pal of one who has held their hands up without lying, minimising, victim blaming or having an excuse (loads of us have bad childhoods, we don’t all commit crimes).

Which just goes to show, once a criminal...

vuripadexo · 21/01/2019 20:04

I'm a SAHM in an affluent area.

So what? So you get to dispense charity from on high? Including to convicted pedophiles?

Your judgment is so skewed. You have no idea. I caught it immediately in your first post. There was this whiff of smugness. Like you thought we'd all be soooo shocked but not you. You seemed so proud in your supposed ability to see the good in everyone. Pride is a sin. It's a failing. And smugness combined with stupidity is just sad.

This thread is based in a false reality in which ex cons are ostracized or isolated. They aren't! They are typically defended and protected by family and friends. If your friend had been sentenced to prison for viewing pictures of child rape rather than just found guilty of it, would it even have made a difference for most of your friends? His family? Tell the truth? He would have come out and it would have all been brushed under the carpet all the same.

The irony is that criminals need to be treated better by the state and employers. Given more support and more help. But families and friends are way too supportive. Embracing abusers, batterers, addicts, murderers. Victims are forgotten and isolated whilst thugs get to reap the rewards of being the "overcoming adversity" story that society loves.

Lizzie48 · 21/01/2019 20:06

I do get that it's an addiction. My DB, who played a part in the abuse when we were growing up (he was a victim too, though) admits to having disturbing images of children in his head. But it appals him and he would never do anything about it. (I can't be around him, though, or let him near my DDs.)

This man has actually acted on this addiction by feeding it with looking at it online. How can you possibly allow him anywhere near your children?

Mamaat50 · 21/01/2019 20:07

canidoitnow I think tiger means that there is a case identical to yours, age, dates, times, child, marital circumstance, speed limit, cyclist, clothing, time of day, sentence, that is all over the internet. Except for a couple of details, very important details, that you don’t mention.

Coincidence?

Do you know how many women were locked up for 4 years for killing a cyclist in the manner and period you describe?

vuripadexo · 21/01/2019 20:07

Because he was ill and it was a stupid mistake caused by his addiction?

Can you hear yourself?????? Ill with what? Child sex abuse disease?

My god.

This thread right here PROVES why you should never involve yourself with criminals. As Mamaat50 says, the delusions... The endless self justification. It's horrifying.

Seb19521710 · 21/01/2019 20:14

I totally agree that people should be careful when meeting someone who has been in prison. There is a massively high percentage of people who re offend and when you have children it is your duty to protect your child. But that doesnt mean you should write someone off as soon as you know they have been to prison. Maybe it was 10 years ago or more. You should at least give a person a chance based on who they are now.

Ribbonsonabox · 21/01/2019 20:14

Vuripadexo I'm not going to argue with you any more you seem to have totally taken against me for some reason. Whatever I say it will just be more fuel to the fire.
I agree with some of the things you are saying, I agree that families can cover up abuse certainly, but I do not agree with the picture you have painted of me and I do not agree that I have covered up abuse.
You dont know how many times I've had to stand up to people who were truly doing horrific things in my life both to me and to other people. I have not brushed anything under the carpet and nor would I. I made a judgement on someone provided with the available info at the time. I've had no reason to ever question that judgement.

Seb19521710 · 21/01/2019 20:16

I would also like to point out my responses are in general not to the specific case highlighted in this post as i know nothing about that. I would not allow a person convicted of child sex offences in my life.

FruitCider · 21/01/2019 20:17

FruitCider but aren't those percentages you gave a breakdown of the 16% of sexual offenders? I.e. 10.4% of the 16%, not 10.4% of the total prison population?

No, it's 10.4% of the prison population, I did a cumulative calculation using the statistics given eg 65% of people in prison for sexual offences were convicted of committing sexual offences against children.

canidoitnow · 21/01/2019 20:24

@Mamaat50 ahh I see just googled it! Yes is very similar but the finer details are not. I wasn't married and I am also now 40+ (won't disclose exact age Wink) I live in Newcastle, victim was in his 50s my accident was at night also the biggest factor is I wasn't texting!! Sorry to disappoint.

Fusioluxe · 21/01/2019 20:26

“Sorry to disappoint.”

What?

Rita2u · 21/01/2019 20:28

Some people are very judgmental and probably can’t even imagine the lives of people who have been in jail... mostly deprived, underprivileged and traumatised! All these were born “bad” 🙄

canidoitnow · 21/01/2019 20:33

@Fusioluxe always a witch hunt on here! At least someone had the decency to ask... mamma did not! Just assumed

Fusioluxe · 21/01/2019 20:35

canidoitnow No she didn’t assume anything. She explained politely what another poster may have been getting at and asked you if it was a coincidence.

It is an amazing coincidence, the case IS nearly identical to yours.

Fusioluxe · 21/01/2019 20:37

And canidoitnow you were convicted of killing someone. You can’t stop people looking for that on the internet and finding other killers who have a very similar story and wondering whether it’s you.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/01/2019 20:41

I’m amazed how many posters said they would judge the OP for having gone to prison. How long ago was it? What crimes were committed? What has he done since coming out? I’d like to know those things about a person before I passed judgement on someone

Ideally so would I, but there's a very obvious stumbling block with this

As we've seen with some of the debunked claims just on this thread, not everyone's honest about the circumstances of a sentence - so what's to say they're being truthful about what's happened since?

canidoitnow · 21/01/2019 20:43

@Fusioluxe actually she said I missed a couple of important details out! If that isn't assuming then I don't know what is!

Fusioluxe · 21/01/2019 20:46

canidoitnow

No she didn’t! She says the case was identical to yours except for a couple of details that you don’t mention.

She does not say you missed them out.

canidoitnow · 21/01/2019 20:47

@Fusioluxe actually I was convicted of death by careless driving, and yes point taken they are very similar, so can understand I have no problem with the pp who asked, it's just the assumption, that I take issue with.

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