People that have been in Jail.

[firsttimedad79]

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.

It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person.

I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now.

AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

Society gives people second chances as it should. It doesn't mean that individual people aren't allowed to take someone being a criminal into account when meeting them.

i mean if I treated my pets poorly that's enough for most people on mumsnet to end the friendship! buying a few too many gifts at xmas means MIL NC but prison - it's just a mistake!! lol.

@Seb19521710

Not knowing how to write or drive doesn’t hurt anyone else whatever. In any shape or form.

Going to prison - you have done something that negatively impacts another or held the very real possibility of negatively impacting someone (drink driving for example).

@FruitCider but aren't those percentages you gave a breakdown of the 16% of sexual offenders? I.e. 10.4% of the 16%, not 10.4% of the total prison population?

Lizzie48
Yes she might be, but I said I didn't get the impression that that was how it was. At any rate, shouting at her on this thread is hardly going to convince her, is it?

I'm sorry I didn't realize this thread was a rehabilitating Ribbon support thread, I thought it was a discussion about befriending ex convicts. Just let me know what other posters I'm not allowed to disagree with?

Oh and anyone who lets a person convicted of viewing child rape images around their children or pals around with an addict who tried to kill them is a MUG

MUG

MUG

MUG

@Schuyler I have been offered no support by anyone. I went to a counselor to help deal with my guilt which was resulting in regular suicidal thoughts (although never acted on for my dds sake) I saw him for nearly 5 years after release.
In prison I had to undertake course one was a victim awareness course which for me was totally pointless as I was acutely aware of how my actions affected my victim and his family.
In open prison I joined up with Kent police, fire and ambulance services, and 3 victims of RTCs (one who's daughter had been killed by a DD) we all stood on stage in front of 1000s of young adults/kids and told our individual stories and experiences along with a film documenting it. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life, but our messages really hit home with the kids and always over 50% would leave in tears.
Prison was a mindfield, for someone who has had zero interaction with the police, I had no idea what to expect. It was terrifying and I was lucky that a couple of girls took me under their wing and looked after me. But the reality is that it can be a very difficult place to survive in, I witnessed 2 suicides, someone getting stabbed, Numerous napalm attacks. Not the mention the daily fights that occurred. I came out a very different person to when I went it.

LostSoul69
“He was sentenced to teach the other (posh) college students and himself a lesson.”

“Posh” boys who weren’t arrested? You mean he was made an example of to show the “posh” boys what would happen if they ever broke the law like your husband?

I agree with you about indecent images, if you read my post, of course it makes a person a MUG if they want to be friends with them. I myself suffered SA, and DSis and I had photos taken of me.

It makes the person complicit not just a mug.

In Russia or Iran? No, I wouldn't judge.

In the UK? Yeah, I'd judge if found guilty. People can change, but that doesn't mean they don't have to atone, and living with their past is part of that.

It is easy to judge. I used to even when I worked for a charity that supported people, some of whom were ex-offenders but experience of a miscarriage of justice that has traumatised my family has opened my eyes. I 100 per cent know it was/is a miscarriage of justice. The facts are that there are people in prison who shouldn’t be, and people walking the streets who shouldn’t be. I don’t believe in our justice system anymore and have met many professionals who struggle to also. Our justice system has so many variables based on personal finances which affect access to good professional help. After conviction an appeal in most cases takes 40k plus unless you can get one of the few charities in the area to take on your case. Other variables are the magistrates/judge, the jury, police pressures from finances all the way to corruption and cps pressures. There is no consistency between sentencing and plenty of evidence of miscarriages of justice if anyone bothers to look. Which of course you don’t unless you are directly affected.
Just my point of view based on my experience but it is more experience than many people will ever get sadly. I won’t engage again because I know some comments will enrage me. I name changed for this.
Just, if you are an open minded person who believes in justice read about miscarriages of justice. A Chief Police Officer even gave an interview last year where he admitted there were plenty of people in prison who shouldn’t be. So for me if I was to be asked to trust an ex offender I would listen and decide carefully based on their experience. The prison system is broken too but that’s another matter.

@FruitCider: I couldn't make your first link work, 2nd link didn't mention child sex offences.

I suspect you double-counted. Some of the 2% are among the 3.2% and 2.7%, many of the 3.2% are also in the 2.7%, etc

Pretty sad. I hope humans do better in future. Everyone is born a sweet innocent baby.

I know someone who went to prison for drug offences. He is not a bad person in the grand scheme of things. He had a terrible upbringing. His father was an addict and his mother in and out of abusive relationships. He made poor decisions but he had no role models. He was written off very young. Overall I think it's just very sad that he was so very let down from a very young age.
He is now an electrician, running his own business and recently he became a dad for the first time. Prison helped him, he stopped taking drugs, 'found God' and got some training. He was then lucky that when he was released someone took a chance on him and gave him a job.
I have no issue with him as a person at all.

I know someone who committed murder, in prison for a whole life sentence. Tragic tragic childhood, totally ruined by other people. The loveliest guy you could ever wish to meet and I would have him over to live with me in a heartbeat if I could.

Not all murderers are evil, far from it in fact. My friend needs help not punishment.

Or your wrongly convicted. That happens as well. FYI

I very clearly outlined what had happend with my friend and the indecent images in the other thread.
You are not providing the context of what I said. My opinion of him was backed up by the judge and he did not serve any jail time... my point being in that other thread that the family member who had served two years in prison must be lying about the severity of his crimes.
That was the context of what I was saying... I in no way think you should randomly forgive paedophiles. My friend was not a paedophile it was an accident and that WAS PROVED IN COURT hence him not receiving jail time. I'm not sure why you have chosen to attack me?
I was saying that the op should not allow her children round the family member who had been to prison because if things had been as he had said then that would have been taken into account... if hes served time in prison it will be because he has been viewed as a danger to children. I was sharing my experience with this to show the op that what that man was saying could not be the case... they do not throw you in prison for accidently downloading illegal images if there is evidence to support that it was an accident. For him to have been in prison for this they must have had reason to believe he actively sort out and saved those images knowing what he was doing.

You've twisted my words for your own agenda. I dont understand why you have taken against me to this extent based on very little info?

I left home at 16 under bad circumstances and obviously struggled for the first years of that. I wasnt living in the best of situations and so yes I do know a fair few people who have broken the law.
I am not a mug I'm just aware of what people can go through in life.
It's just that having lived in these situations I know why some people end up in them and I have sympathy for them. You are victim blaming to suggest that I brought domestic violence on myself by being too soft. You are being incredibly offensive towards me for no reason.
I dont know why you are so angry but I dont want to be that way I'm sorry.
Some people are good people who've made shitty choices and some people who've made shitty choices are indeed terrible people. But there is a clear difference and I do think its worthwhile finding out and not just immediately writing everyone off. Of course it's important to have boundaries but I stand by my decision to forgive my friend. I've had no reason to regret it at all.

Ribbon it matters not a jot that he wasn’t imprisoned. I have charged many people with the same offence and very few of them served prison sentences.

If the judge was so convinced of his innocence then he would have been acquitted.

canidoitnow

I have a genuine and important reason for asking, are you telling the truth about your crime?

I'm very sceptical that it's even possible to accidentally download indecent images of children? Sorry, I just wouldn't ever believe that at all.

lizzie I know of one person who the computer crime unit suspected had entered his computer by a virus or similar and he wasn’t convicted.

So no, you can’t accidentally download them.

You are victim blaming to suggest that I brought domestic violence on myself by being too soft.

I never said anything of the sort. If you are going to lie, you better quote what I said.

And are you saying that your friend was acquitted? because it sounds like you are saying that the judge found him guilty but didn't put him in prison because "it was an accident" which is ludicrous.

Honestly every post you've made CONFIRMS my point. You know lots of people who've broken the law, lots of abusers around, poor boundaries etc. This is exactly the kind of life people DON'T WANT which is why they stay away from ex offenders. I think if you have a very chaotic lifestyle, prison is just another thing. No big deal.

Nicknacky well he wasnt innocent because he did download and save those files so he would never have been acquitted. He was not viewed as being a danger to children however. It's irrelevant to this thread anyway. It's from another thread where I was sharing the story to highlight that to get jail time the OPs relative must have been looking at some pretty horrific things. I do not understand why it us being used against me here?

I’m not using it against you. I’m just appalled a mother willingly and knowingly allows her children to be in the company of a convicted sex offender.

I do think (some) people can change. My plumber is a former armed-robber who has served time. You wouldn’t know. He’s reliable, polite, respectful. I’d have no problem leaving him alone in my house, or being in the house on my own with him. I completely trust him. I’m judging him by the person I know, not the person he was (whom I did not know). I don’t know his past circumstances. It obviously went very wrong for him at some stage and he made some really bad choices. Hence being in prison. He is now a hardworking dad and a nice guy. His crimes were appalling but he’s a changed man. I don’t think everyone has the capacity to change. But some people do. I’ve not RTFT (go on, shoot me!) but I’m amazed how many posters said they would judge the OP for having gone to prison. How long ago was it? What crimes were committed? What has he done since coming out? I’d like to know those things about a person before I passed judgement on someone.

I would hope that i would give you the benefit of doubt and give you time to prove your self to be the kind of person I would want in my life. In some circumstances it isn't that hard to end up in prison.

Vuripadexo my life was indeed chaotic. But I've watched how those peoples lives have developed. Some have gone to shit and some have come out of the other end as kind decent people.
I'm a SAHM in an affluent area. I've been married for 5 years and have two children. We've just bought our first house. I'm a far cry from where I was in my late teens.... and so are other people.
Like I said in my first post on this thread I dont think you should just write people off straight away without investigating. Going to prison is a pretty big deal but it doesn't neccessarily equate with someone being a terrible person in my experience. It certainly can do and if you want to write off everyone that's been to prison then that is up to you.

Nicknacky wtf? Where have I said I've done that? This is just a guy I've known a long time, from a long time before I had kids. I said in the other thread that I would trust him round my kids and I would because I dont believe hes a paedophile. Hes married with kids of his own now and doesn't even live in the UK so it's pretty irrelevant!