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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP thinks I shouldn’t have ham in a ham restaurant

296 replies

Cattus · 19/01/2019 21:03

Lots of restaurants are half price because it’s January. We’re taking advantage of this offer in a restaurant that specialises in Spanish Ham. The hams aren’t part of the promotion.

We don’t normally eat there because it’s expensive so we go in January only. We could afford to eat there at full price occasionally but don’t as dp is a skinflint, in this regard (not in all regards).

I mentioned that I would like to get a ration of ham (£11) despite it not being in the promotion as the overall cost of the meal would still be significantly less and Spanish Jamon is my number 1 favourite food. DP looked horrified. Why would I want to take advantage of a promotion then ruin it by buying the exception?

He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 19/01/2019 21:05

“To keep his anxiety down”?

Sounds nonsense to me.

He’s a tight arse. I’d order the ham. And enjoy it

Carolcool · 19/01/2019 21:05

Buy your own ham girl!

PristineCondition · 19/01/2019 21:05

Does he see a doctor for his anxiety?

Grannyannex · 19/01/2019 21:06

You should have ordered what you fancied.

Celebelly · 19/01/2019 21:06

I'd order the ham and enjoy it.

Original poster
Cattus · 19/01/2019 21:07

I have offered to pay for it myself. He struggles with this still.

OP posts:
Passthepigs · 19/01/2019 21:07

Order the food you want and pay for it yourself.

Tell DP you won’t eat out with him again if he comments in any way on your food choices.

AfterSchoolWorry · 19/01/2019 21:08

He sounds like a right tight fucker. Anxiety? My arse. I wouldn't pander to that.

crazycatlady5 · 19/01/2019 21:08

WTaF?

Rafabella · 19/01/2019 21:09

Seriously?

MamaLovesMango · 19/01/2019 21:09

Well, you’re an adult and I’m assuming you earn the money too, so you can order and eat what you like and shouldn’t be put off.

Funnily enough though, this is something that irrationally makes me twitchy. I have several twitchy things and this is one of them. The difference is, I know it’s irrational and can usually reassure myself it’s fine (or DH has a word with me!). I’d never stop DH ordering what he wanted even if it caused me great discomfort. Is he a particularly anxious person OP? Is there other, seemingly irrational, things that make him nervous?

User758172 · 19/01/2019 21:09

I’d run for the hills.

I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down

Are you serious? I couldn’t put up with this for one meal, never mind a lifetime of them. It’s so utterly petty and ridiculous.

NotANotMan · 19/01/2019 21:10

How else does his anxiety impact on your ability to choose your own food and make other decisions for yourself?

Heyha · 19/01/2019 21:10

Is it because it would mean you'd be ordering an odd number of tapas (I'm presuming it's a two for X quid type promotion) and cocking up the ratio, in his mind?

I'd be having the jamon and enjoying it there, as it's so often just rubbish stuff in a lot of tapas places. Will DP be placated if you pay for it yourself?

Musicalmistress · 19/01/2019 21:10

Order the damn ham woman!

In fact, order 2 portions - 1 for me 😉

ChoccyBiccyTastic · 19/01/2019 21:12

LTB!

Believeitornot · 19/01/2019 21:12

Funnily enough though, this is something that irrationally makes me twitchy

But I don’t understand why?

I only get anxious if dh wants to spend more money than we have.

But that’s a normal reaction - it isn’t a mental health condition - I’m anxious about running out of money.

ISmellBabies · 19/01/2019 21:12

So you're only going thee because there's an offer on, but you want to eat something that isn't on the offer?

MrsChollySawcutt · 19/01/2019 21:12

OK I get that he's a tightarse and doesn't want to spend his own money to order from anything but the cheapo specials menu.

But how can he be anxious about you spending your ie. money on your own choice of food?

What possible impact will that have on him?

Sounds more like a control issue than anxiety.

RedWineIsFabulous · 19/01/2019 21:12

Fucks sake.

He’s a squeaky tight arse and for you to keep his “ anxiety down” over food seems insane. All over the fact you wanted ham that cost £11.

Pay for it yourself and eat as much fucking ham as you want.

I am sorry and I realise that it’s not helpful to you but there is absolutely no way I could or would ever be with such a tight arse.

putthewashinginthedryer · 19/01/2019 21:12

Order the ham! I wouldn't please the stingy bastard!

Heyha · 19/01/2019 21:13

Ooh cross-post. If you can afford it and it isn't impacting him I don't understand how he can have any problem with it. Passing comment/observing that it's expensive is forgiveable but not to prevent you as an adult from making a choice about something that has no impact on him at all.

IncomingCannonFire · 19/01/2019 21:13
Confused
Hassled · 19/01/2019 21:15

Ham anxiety isn't a thing. Being tightfisted and controlling are real things. FGS order the ham.

MyFriendGoo5 · 19/01/2019 21:15

Stop treating him like a big baby, order the ham.

If It's seriously causing anxiety it's an issue for professionals to help him with. Not you

My fil has similar issues as he had a very, impoverished childhood. We cluck and sympathise but don't change our own plans to suit his anxiety.