DP thinks I shouldn’t have ham in a ham restaurant

[Cattus]

Lots of restaurants are half price because it’s January. We’re taking advantage of this offer in a restaurant that specialises in Spanish Ham. The hams aren’t part of the promotion.

We don’t normally eat there because it’s expensive so we go in January only. We could afford to eat there at full price occasionally but don’t as dp is a skinflint, in this regard (not in all regards).

I mentioned that I would like to get a ration of ham (£11) despite it not being in the promotion as the overall cost of the meal would still be significantly less and Spanish Jamon is my number 1 favourite food. DP looked horrified. Why would I want to take advantage of a promotion then ruin it by buying the exception?

He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?

How long have you been with him?

YANBU. It's Hamuary i know..

Jamón motherfucker.

This isn’t about the ham.

Seriously he'd grudge you £11. That's really not right. Stingy cunt. Leave him, move to full time and enjoy your ham

um...do you live together and have shared budgets?

I have raging anxiety. I am aware that people have different triggers.

the extra cost of a dish over a promotion dish might be a trigger for someone having a hard time financially but clearly that's not the case here!

Mate, I'd buy the ham. (Well I wouldn't, I don't eat meat, but the principle is the same.)

I'd also up my work hours and quietly build a little savings fund all of my own.

Eh? There is no point in going out for a meal just because it’s half price, if it’s nit what you want to eat. Massive false economy.

I wish I could go to a ham restaurant

Are you on a budget? Well, everyone is or should be really, shouldn’t they?

No.

I am going to preface this by saying eat the ham

But

My DP grew up with nothing , literally on the streets at one point and he panics about money and I know genuinely on some occasions can't help himself

The irony is he is intensely generous to the DC and myself, goes out if his way to buy us little treats he knows we would like...barely a day goes by when he's sourced a brilliant second hand train set for ds2 or a dinosaur book f9r ds1 or the perfect little Gift for me

However there are some things so ingrained in him that are wasteful it kills him to spend money on it

He will buy entirely whatever the DC want for dinner but if I suggest going out for dinner he almost (actually does ) recoil

He would entirely do it if I really wanted to be if it terrifies him because to him it is so profligate it must me an we will be bankrupt the next day ....he is terrified of the DC feeling hungry as he spent his formative years constantly hungry and stealing toilet rolls from the school bathroom as his dmum had run out

So no it would thoroughly annoy me your DH attitude and I still say eat the ham but if he is like my DP maybe some reassurance as well ? However he prefers...

My dp is the most considerate person on earth but I find reminding him we are ok and cam make it through the next m9nth etc causes him to relax and enjoy these things more

He’s trying to attempt to explain it a bit more. Eating out in a promotion gives him pleasure because he feels he’s still paying the mark up, but not being ripped off. So for me to order a full price dish flies in the face of his pleasure.

But why does his 'pleasure' in being cheap override what you want to eat from the menu??

So his pleasure and opinions are more important than yours. This isn’t an anxiety it’s control.

Dear god OP - have what you want. If he doesnt get that, you both have an issue. My Ex was like that - kicked him to touch a while ago. I will eat want I bloody want thanks! What else flies in the face of 'his pleasure'....

I think full price including my ham we’d pay £90 so half price with the ham is significantly less than that. It still stresses him tho. He says it’s less about the money, more that I want to ruin his strategy.

Eating after he’s behaved like this must give you no enjoyment.

ruin his strategy?!

he is an arse. Sorry.

You’re not responsible for his happiness OP. He’s being unfair and a dickhead to boot.

Go on your own and eat all the ham.

He’s a fucking idiot. Order what you like.

True Loopytiles- meals out with him can be stressful. I try to check the wine list in advance so that he doesn’t stress when he sees they’re sellinga a £6 retail wine for £30.

what a twat.....

What would happen if you stop walking on eggshells around him? Does the thought of it make you feel anxious?

I completely retract my post....he sucks ...to deny you a pleasure so he can "win"

He is a giant arse

" try to check the wine list in advance so that he doesn’t stress when he sees they’re sellinga a £6 retail wine for £30"

okay, I'm tighter than a gnat's arse and don't really go out to eat partly because of that. But I don't cause trouble for anyone else. If I agree to eat out, I agree to eat out without controlling anyone's choices or commenting about the bill. Dining out can't be charged at the cost of the food & drink only - wtf does he think he is paying for?!