DP thinks I shouldn’t have ham in a ham restaurant

[Cattus]

Lots of restaurants are half price because it’s January. We’re taking advantage of this offer in a restaurant that specialises in Spanish Ham. The hams aren’t part of the promotion.

We don’t normally eat there because it’s expensive so we go in January only. We could afford to eat there at full price occasionally but don’t as dp is a skinflint, in this regard (not in all regards).

I mentioned that I would like to get a ration of ham (£11) despite it not being in the promotion as the overall cost of the meal would still be significantly less and Spanish Jamon is my number 1 favourite food. DP looked horrified. Why would I want to take advantage of a promotion then ruin it by buying the exception?

He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?

[Teenagemaw]

@DareDevil223 hamboy

[Cattus]

Been together 25 years. Nothing’s got worse but it’s always been the same.

[froufroufoxes]

So what are you going to do OP?

[Zucker]

It sounds like a thoroughly joyous experience. You're not even in the restaurant yet and already there's anxiety about a lump of ham and some over priced wine. Please don't go out I'm getting anxious for you both

[BrokenWing]

If you can't say to him he's being a twat and order your ham with no sulking on his part then he's controlling you.

Dont let him, how you do that is up to you.

[ThisWayDown]

The crux of it for me is that he thinks YOU are ruining HIS strategy. Deliberately.

He thinks you’re choosing to undermine him.

Nevermind you and your Jamon eating strategy. That’s not relevant to him. Only his strategy.

If he can’t reign it in I’d cancel or take a friend.

[JustHereForThePooStories]

My husband has anxiety. Proper life-ruining, requires hospitalization and therapy from time-to-time anxiety.

Your husband is a controlling git.

[MrsJane]

He sounds like hard work.

I get it about getting the promotion but if you want the ham, get the bloody ham! It's £11?!

I'd order the biggest fucking ham on the menu just to piss him off. I'd have ham for starter, main and dessert, in fact.

[bridgetreilly]

Book to go another time when there's no promotion and have the ham then.

[BlankTimes]

Tell him you've cancelled the meal out with him because of his ridiculously controlling attitude.

Do not cancel the meal at the restaurant.

Either go on your own and eat two portions of ham, or take a friend.

Enjoy your ham

[WobbleTime]

I’m 42. How did I not know there are ham restaurants in the world? Where is if? I want some delicious £11 ham!!!!

[WobbleTime]

And yes, I meant to say. Order the ham. Order all of it!

[WorraLiberty]

'Ham anxiety' is a very serious thing dontcha know

[empa]

Eat the ham, keep saying YUM, YUM, whilst smiling at him.

Get your money's worth OP, make the silly sod squirm.

If you don't go, or do go but don't order the ham, then you are encouraging his ridiculous behaviour.

He's not the boss of you, do not allow him to think he is.

[wheneverythinggoestitsup]

@BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty
RUB HAM ON HIS FACE!

I just spat out my drink hahahahaha

Op- go with someone else and get alllllll the ham you can eat.
I want ham now.

[Peridot1]

I seriously could not live like this.

Tell him to just go to McDonalds.

I totally get it IF money is really tight and you can only afford a meal out if you make the most of vouchers and deals but this is ridiculous.

[C8H10N4O2]

So its more important for him to enjoy being a tightwad than for you to enjoy the food you want? And because his job pays more than yours you have to do as you're told?

Bugger that for a lark. Find a friend to go with instead or take your DC out instead of DH.

[Tentomidnight]

He sounds exhausting. I had a boyfriend like this once and I danced around his anxieties and foibles.
Once I extricated myself from the relationship, I realised what a damaged and controlling arse he was. Probably on the spectrum, like my current DH, but a twat with it.

[Lollypop701]

Cancel him. Take me. I will eat ham! Seriously however, either go and order what you want or stay home. Eating out is a pleasurable experience, not a stress. Have you asked him why £11 is worth more to him than your happiness!

[MrsChollySawcutt]

So you know that Hamboy (genius name) doesn't actually have anxiety at all and are just using this an excuse to facilitate his controlling behaviour.

Please stop doing that OP, it's belittling a serious mental health condition that affects many people.

Recognise that Hamboy is a controlling arse and an ordinary everyday bully that wants everything just as he wants it.

If you are doing this much research and thinking about what you will or won't order and how he will react days in advance I can only assume his behaviour must be pretty abhorrent if he doesn't get his own way.

[Cattus]

He’s upset that I meat it when I said we should cancel. He things I’ve read what you all said and I’m suggestible. He’s now saying that he only gets a short time off work and I’m ruining it. He will feel really annoyed if we don’t eat out.
He doesn’t think I’m a, capable of behaving autonomously unless it’s been suggested to me or I wantt to thwart him.

[Weenurse]

Agree, cancel with him and eat there with work mates again

[Cattus]

I haven’t belittled a mental condition!!! I have at no point referred to an anxiety disorder. I referred to his ‘anxiety’,as in his anxiousness.

[Weenurse]

Ffs then go, and eat the ham . Tell him he can deal with it

[Schmoobarb]

Don’t cancel, go with a friend and have the ham. He’s a clown.