DP thinks I shouldn’t have ham in a ham restaurant

[Cattus]

Lots of restaurants are half price because it’s January. We’re taking advantage of this offer in a restaurant that specialises in Spanish Ham. The hams aren’t part of the promotion.

We don’t normally eat there because it’s expensive so we go in January only. We could afford to eat there at full price occasionally but don’t as dp is a skinflint, in this regard (not in all regards).

I mentioned that I would like to get a ration of ham (£11) despite it not being in the promotion as the overall cost of the meal would still be significantly less and Spanish Jamon is my number 1 favourite food. DP looked horrified. Why would I want to take advantage of a promotion then ruin it by buying the exception?

He felt so bothered by my suggestion that I’ve agreed not to order any ham to keep his anxiety down. My proviso was that he accepts that I’m doing it because he knows he has an irrational objection that’s causing him anxiety. I think he still thinks that I’m irrational and it’s for the best.

First world mini problem, but frustrating. What do you think?

[Clevs]

DP looked horrified. Why would I want to take advantage of a promotion then ruin it by buying the exception?

You should have replied "Why go to a Spanish ham restaurant and ruin it by ordering something that's not Spanish ham?".

[Doman]

Fuck me. Order the ham and enjoy it. And the difference in your salaries is irrelevant. I work, my husband is a SAHP. We often take advantage of local deals and promotions when we take the kids out. The day that I get uptight about anyone spending an extra £11 is the day that I give myself a smack in the chops. Utterly ridiculous. YANBU.

[LEMtheoriginal]

I would feel a bit like your dh. I refuse to eat in places like zizzi unless i have a voucher and choose accordingly. I would be a bit if dp then chose something not in an offer. I wouldn't say anything though.

However if i were going out for a treat meal, i would be saying fuck it and eat the fucking ham.

[Deadringer]

So for the rest of your life op you are going to have food that you don't want so that your dp can enjoy his strategy being a tightarse sounds marvellous.

[Aquamarine1029]

You certainly have been brainwashed by all his bullshit. He's controlling and financially abusive yet you're still trying to justify his horrible behaviour. It appears your relationship is all about him and his demands. Where do you fit in in all this?

[Singlenotsingle]

Ham isn't expensive. £11 isn't Ott. Tell him you want wagyu steak with all the trimmings - tightarse!

[Cattus]

LEM. I only go to Zizzi or Pizza Express if I have a voucher. But for this restaurant, I want the ham.

[WeMarchOn]

I'm Autistic and I would say he thrives on control of situations, however I just think he is a tight arse!! I however would never allow anyone to tell me what I can and can't do!!

[BunsOfAnarchy]

Fuck DP.
Eat the fucking ham. My mouth is watering thinking about it

[Gth1234]

I don't think I would pay that much for a starter. You could buy a load in a deli for that.

[Tolleshunt]

Tell him it'll be good for him if you order the jamon, and he tolerates his anxiety about it. It will be the first step on the road in his struggle to beat his 'anxiety'.

[Cattus]

I’ve suggested we cancel the booking. He knows what I think but doesn’t get it. I wouldn’t enjoy my meal, knowing that there are these conditions.

Funnily, I have eaten there with work colleagues when there was no promotion. He knew but didn’t really comment about what we’d spent. It’d just something he ha as problem with when he’s present.

[Missingstreetlife]

He's mad, we all have our funny little ways, extravagances and meannesses. This is obsessive, tell him get over himself and enjoy the ham. Have a glass of wine as well, or go to a good deli and buy a whole ham

[bananafish]

Cancelling going with him sounds about right.

Personally, I'd rearrange so that I could go on my own with a book and order as many plates of ham as I damn well wanted...

[AmericanEskimoDoge]

I'd tell him that his attempt to control what I ate was giving me "anxiety". It's a special treat; you're allowed to splurge!

If nothing else, I'd sneak behind his back, go back another time on my own and order just the ham. And then sit down and enjoy every delectable morsel.

[FridgeFullOfChocolate]

Sounds to me like a classic case of tight arsedness not anxiety !!

[froufroufoxes]

Oh so you're not even there yet?
I thought you were posting from the restaurant.
So you told him you wanted to order ham before you went? This just gets weirder OP.

[DareDevil223]

Just when I think I've seen every level of bizarre controlling behaviour on MN along comes Hamboy and proves me wrong.

There must be some normal men out there? My DP wouldn't dream of behaving like this. And when did anxiety become the excuse of choice for every unreasonable tool out there? (Yes I know some people do have actual anxiety)

If I rolled my eyes any harder they'd fall out...

[Purplecatshopaholic]

Sorry, man is a twat. Of course wine costs more in a restaurant. If you are counting every single penny, dont go, it will spoil the experience, or tell him to shut it. Jeezo. I am never putting with that shit again I tell you

[Believeitornot]

So you told him you wanted to order ham before you went

Probably because she knew he’s get “anxious” about it so wanted to test the water first

Christ

[Lifeisabeach09]

Anxiety or not, it's controlling behaviour.

[Purplecatshopaholic]

You agreed not to have what you want to 'keep his anxiety down' ?? Get out, get out now!! Been there, it will not get better. Thats controlling behaviour that you don't even realise is controlling. Good luck OP

[Cattus]

Yes. The restaurant is booked for tomorrow night. I want to cancel though.

[GreatWesternValkyrie]

So you’ve gone to a restaurants that specialises in your “number 1 favourite food” yet your husband is “anxious” and “horrified” that you would want to order your favourite food. And has a strategy to prevent you from doing so.

I wouldn’t say that anxiety is the behaviour that springs to mind.

Personally, I’d go along with his “strategy” and then when requesting the bill, order the ham and ask for it in a doggy bag to go. FFS.

[BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty]

RUB HAM ON HIS FACE!