CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

Agree she will have access to his email if she's PA. Also prob his diary to make appts. Can you Bcc deputy and address to Head. If she did then delete email it would be obvious and she'd get even more in the crap.

Parent was wrong to text you about this but I do confess I am slightly confused by your original post and subsequent text? I agree it is unprofessional of parent to text in the way she did also can't help thinking the school should not/would not back up another parent in that way. I actually think schools must have this nightmare scenario on a daily basis where items are "lost" "borrowed" "lent and not returned" I don't know what the official line is - maybe someone who works in a school office knows?
In my experience DD sometimes has other peoples kit in her PE bag when I finally see it (!)and if it has a name in (not always) I wash it and send it back with her the next day telling her to apologise to person whose item it is. Failing that if it has no name I tell her to hand item in to school office and/ or to put it back in changing room where it can be claimed hopefully. Once or twice I have posted on the facebook page for our DD's year apologising that I have found "x's" item and saying we have sent it back to school etc etc etc.

Bet she was pissed (that could apply equally to cf Mum or Multivac)

True in my case. And reacting to unsolveable shit in other areas of my life by sniping at an internet stranger who had the gall to say 'skort'.

Not cool, and deservedly called out. Apologies, OP, and I hope your issue gets sorted with minimal hassle.

((((Hugs))) @multivac.

Multivac, I think that was very brave and dignified of you.

@multivac thanks for coming back and saying that. I hope that you feel better today and whatever is bothering you gets resolved.

I'd just go and see him if at all possible. The less time/warning she has to try to create an alternate version for his consumption, the better. She's going to hope you just fall for it and it never bites her back, so without notice necessitating her trying to get her side in first, I very much doubt she'll be advertising this in school.

@multivac, agreed that it was good of you to return and apologise like that. Hope things in your own life improve.

ChickenPieBumFace I think your approach is perfect. Good luck, and well done!

multivac - Another one who admires you for 'owning' it.

Head’s PA was obviously very unprofessional. Cut through the bullshit, speak to the head directly, no way should you be paying for the missing skorts, particularly as the girl has been seen wearing them! You need, as you say, to get an adult to speak to the kid who claims she has your dd’s skirt.

This is crazy.

My dd also goes to a private school and the girls are constantly lending to each other bits of their PE kit as someone always forgets/loses it, and things go missing... But I don’t think anyone would ever expect another parent to pay for it.

When you email the head, definitely cc (or bcc) in Head of Year or similar - then there's no way she can delete without it being noticed.

Did your daughter see the CF DD put the skort back in her bag? To be fair she probably ought to have actually given it back to her rather than just leaving it on the bench and saying she didn't need it, but regardless it doesn't make you liable to pay.

Just tell CF... 'my DD did not borrow the skorts, indeed your DD has been seen wearing them very recently'.

Don't do anything over the weekend - don't reply to her. Turn up at school on Monday or ring the school and request to see/speak to year head, head master, whoever was named in her text. As previously suggested you texting her now will give her time to concoct a story. Do not entertain the idea of replacing the skort.

The op hasn’t actually clarified whether her dd returned the skort that was offered. I’m suspecting from the very passive way she described it in the op ‘the skort was folded’ that she just left it in the changing room once she got the better offer of the skirt.
If that is what has happened I think the op should pay!

The girl has been since seen wearing them.

I don’t think it’s impossible that she has more than one pair of uniform skorts is it? I know I used to have a few pairs of gym knickers/skirts when I was at school. The op should still pay if her dd didn’t return them when they weren’t needed.

@FuckingYuleLog sorry if it wasn't clear. DD never accepted nor had possession of the shorts at any time. They were placed next to her folded and DD said she didn't need to accept the offer. And regardless she has been seen in them since. It was 6th December so I doubt very much it hasn't been noticed since then. Additionally if she noticed when getting the kit ready for new term, why not send a text 2 weeks ago.

I have also since found out the the teacher she refers to in her message actually approached my daughter on Friday and asked her. DD said she didn't and never had had the skorts. Said teacher said then I will have to send you a bill then! To an 11 year old. It gets worse and I think I will take the advice and not make any further contact until I speak to the head first thing on Monday morning. Leave her to stew in her mistake until then. If it was me I would have the major fears and be wondering if my job was safe. This is potentially gross misconduct.

It opens a real can of worms if the school back her up and create a policy that they will bill for any missing uniform or kit, based on the word of one child. @FuckingYuleLog again, if she had more than one pair, why the drama that she no longer has any and can't do PE? Clearly DF1 has since lost her skorts and doesn't dare tell her mum, so is looking to blame someone else.

It sounds as if she did accept the offer at first or she wouldn’t have had the shorts next to her and then she changed her mind when she was offered the skirt. Obviously the other girl still thought she was borrowing them and they got left. I’d offer half towards them in that circumstance.
The fact that another child has made off with your dds skirt isn’t really related.
I think the way you and your dd have been pursued by the pa and teacher needs addressing separately as well.

Just a thought but does the school require name labels? The teachers could ask everyone to do a quick check - it’s unlikely to be a theft, just a mix up.

It seems a more proportionate response than interfering and demanding money for children, I would be concerned at how the school has handled this - they aren’t modelling good conflict resolution!!!!

If your DD clearly said she didn't need them then it falls on the other girl to pick them back up and put them in her bag (your DD could have picked them up and handed them back but that's passed now).

Regardless of who lent what and who did or didn't return, it was completely out of order for the mother to text you at midnight about it.

And definitely DO NOT EMAIL. Ring up and ask to speak to the head.

Wow 😲 cf at its finest! I think most of us have experienced children losing uniform at some point. It seems the vast majority of us just suck it up 🤷🏻‍♀️ like most others if mine comes back with someone else's stuff I wash it and return it in the hope of good uniform karma.
Although I once got someone else's lunch box back on the last day of half term. Duly washed and returned a week later and received my sons back with week old mouldy left overs in it 🤢

Anyway, if they stand by this woman (unlikely) I'd would say I was prepared to pay only on sight of the confirmed school policy, stating items can be charged for in these circumstances, and also a letter confirming this to all parents and updated on website etc.

Shortly followed by a letter no doubt, increasing the fees to cover the administration and policing of such a ridiculous policy and the can of worms it would open. Completely unfeasible for any school/club/anywhere children gather in groups.
Glad OP is going to keep us updated😃

It never ceases to amaze me how absolutely stupid and petty some people can be. Imagine making such a big deal and drama out of £25.

OP I would just tell them to fuck off.

Blatant placemark to see what happens Monday. Unbelievable that a teacher would question your dd like that. Good luck.