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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF parent demanding money

707 replies

ChickenPieBumFace · 19/01/2019 01:21

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

OP posts:
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 19/01/2019 07:41

I'd send Neverunderfed's precis of the situation to the school, that's cleared it up for me!!

Mum of C is obv being a CF - take it up with the school yourself and do not include her in the loop!

greendale17 · 19/01/2019 07:41

Maybe call her bluff in return and email the school (bit not her)saying you're not quite sure why but understand that you are required to pay for another child's missing skort - could you please get an official invoice for that so that you can make the payment..

^I would do exactly this

LL83 · 19/01/2019 07:48

School haven't showed favouritism yet. This woman says "head has been in touch" and "it has been agreed" I doubt it very much this is the case.

I would say "sorry there has been a mix up, you have spoken to DD and she returned skort ddmm. Hope you find them. Dd is missing a skirt so i understand how frustrsting it is".

At private schools near me all staff get a massive discount so she may also be struggling to afford replacements. (Not reason to charge you though)

BlackCatSleeping · 19/01/2019 07:48

I'm also a little confused by who had what, but I don't actually agree with your text. You kind of went the passive aggressive route, which may backfire. I would just text back, that you've spoken to DD and she never borrowed the skort(s)? so you won't be paying. Hope it turns up soon. I suspect you won't get any joy out of the mum of the girl who took your daughter's skort, so just make sure your daughter's new one is well labelled. Using marker pen inside the waist band is a good way and draw a line under the whole thing.

eddielizzard · 19/01/2019 07:49

I suspect she hasn't spoken to the school and she's making that decision up. I would ignore her from now on.

RandomMess · 19/01/2019 07:50

Yep she's a CF who has misused her position as staff!!

I would make clear to the school that your DD didn't borrow it as borrowed school skirt instead and she also recalls seeing x wearing a skort in PE following skirt gate. - give dates if possible. That also whilst on the subject of skirt gate would they please contact parent of the pupil that accidentally took DDs skirt home and has admitted that if it could be returned.

I hope your school skirts aren't £50 like they are at our local private school, the £20 I have to buy for my DD annoy me enough!

Angry
SaturdayNext · 19/01/2019 07:55

You really need to send a short response saying other child must be mistaken because (a) DD didn't borrow her skirt and (b) her child has been seen wearing them since the incident in question. If the school does contact you, send them the same response and ask what they're doing about your child's skirt.

underneaththeash · 19/01/2019 08:02

I'd just text back and say she is mistaken, your DD didn't end up wearing her daughter's skort in the end (and that yours is still missing too).
They must be somewhere though, I'd also suggest that she helps you go through lost property one Friday after the girls have finished for the day.

LindaLa · 19/01/2019 08:10

Don't contact her again until you've spoken to the school.

If she contacts you reply with "all messages about the missing items will be going through school"

On the assumption that she had one too many before she sent that last night, she'll be shitting herself and sending arse covering texts.

Stormwhale · 19/01/2019 08:15

I think she is talking out her arse. I don't believe for a second that this has been agreed in any official capacity. This is her trying to use her position in the school to force your hand.

I would request a meeting at the school with the head. I would take the evidence of the texts between the girls and the photos you have of dd in the skirt, not skorts and point out how ludicrous this is. I would also complain about the way this has been handled "by the school" even though you know it isn't the school, it's her abusing her position.

Foslady · 19/01/2019 08:18

Am I the only one wondering if the texts were actually send by the daughter on her mums phone? If mum doesn’t normally contact and then deletes she wouldn’t know....

Dollymixture22 · 19/01/2019 08:19

This woman is being cheeky, and is abusing her position within the school.

Her daughter is also being mean to blame your girl in the wrong. I wonder is she friends with the other girl who is now refusing to return your daughters skirt! As others have said is there a bit of bullying going on here?

I would text the woman, say you are concerned about this situaton and surprised by they way he school is apparently handling it. Your daughter has lost a skirt and hasn’t taken an extra skort. Say you will take it up with the head as at this point you need to clarify both he schools position and what exactly is going on with these girls.

Then ignore any further messages. Have a gentle chat with your daughter - are these two being mean girls????

MissClareRemembers · 19/01/2019 08:26

OP check out the staff behaviour policy (should be on school website). I’d be willing to bet the office staff member is in breach in some way.

Arm yourself with that and approach head of year. Be totally transparent. Show all correspondence if necessary and let school deal with it.

Don’t enter into any more correspondence with staff member. It’s all a bit “be said/she said” for anyone on here to fully comprehend.

School stuff goes AWOL all the time. Unless proof can be found, there’s not much can be done about it unfortunately. It’s extremely frustrating.

ErictheGuineaPig · 19/01/2019 08:30

Ooh yes, Foslady, that's a good point. How are you expected to hand the money over? Is it from your daughter to hers? If so, I wonder if the child is pulling a fast one..

BlueLuna · 19/01/2019 08:35

I don't understand why you didn't just text her back saying that your DD never borrowed her shorts as someone else lent her some? With the added.. maybe your DD has lost them and is trying to shift the blame.

wildgirls · 19/01/2019 08:36

Oh! I thought Skorts was a typo. 😂 didn’t know such a thing existed!!

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 19/01/2019 08:38

Brilliant response at the very top of this thread from SleepWarrior
call her bluff in return and email the school (bit not her)saying you're not quite sure why but understand that you are required to pay for another child's missing skort - could you please get an official invoice for that so that you can make the payment.. Also mention that you're pleased they have this new system in place and could you please begin the same process regarding your own daughters missing skirt?

Agree with other PPs - this woman is totally abusing her position and would probably get into trouble if the school knew that she was sending (probably drunken) texts at midnight purporting to be from the school.

I would send one very short text this morning saying "I will discuss this with the school on Monday" (which, if she WAS drunk and/or chancing it, will probably terrify her) and then contact the school on Monday morning.

Please come back and update us! I imagine the school will be very embarrassed and conciliatory!

Didntwanttochangemyname · 19/01/2019 08:47

Yes yes to @Sleepwarrior 's advice, do that and watch CF fall apart.

RandomMess · 19/01/2019 08:54

I wouldn't be saying I'll pay an invoice for something my DD hasn't borrowed, saying that is admitting liability!

Yulebealrite · 19/01/2019 08:56

I would send one very short text this morning saying "I will discuss this with the school on Monday"

I agree. This needs a face to face or telephone conversation with the school, if it's not just a drunken text. It's too complicated and with the receptionist on site giving her own version, I'd want to be able to respond properly rather than through a series of confusing texts.

I should imagine the woman will back down when she knows you will be pursuing it through proper channels.

minionsrule · 19/01/2019 09:03

Is it just me wondering why on earth the school are even involved on any level? It appears this happened (the non loaning of the skirt)...... my school would laugh me out the doors if i asked them to get involved Confused

minionsrule · 19/01/2019 09:04

Sorry meant to say appears to gave happened outside of achool........ need more tea!

KatharinaRosalie · 19/01/2019 09:04

Isn't it possible that friend 1:
a) lost the skort
b) instead of fessing up, told the mother DD had borrowed and lost it?
So mother might genuinely believe you should pay?

SaturdayNext · 19/01/2019 09:05

call her bluff in return and email the school (bit not her)saying you're not quite sure why but understand that you are required to pay for another child's missing skort - could you please get an official invoice for that so that you can make the payment.

Why should OP agree to pay an invoice for something she doesn't owe?

Sewrainbow · 19/01/2019 09:08

Discuss with school only, referencing her text to who you speak to.

I would say she is c.f. and is trying her luck probably after a drink! Show school daughter and friends texts too.

You shouldn't pay for her skirt at all.

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