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AIBU?

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Original poster

CF parent demanding money

707 replies

ChickenPieBumFace · 19/01/2019 01:21

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

OP posts:
Aventurine · 25/01/2019 18:19

FFS. I bet it was there all along. I guess CF will just believe what her dd said.Hmm

cobblett36 · 25/01/2019 18:21

Wow, having read your latest update. What a pair of twats. Glad you and your DD have been able to see what they are like now, rather than later.

Fightingfit2019 · 25/01/2019 18:21

I’m glad it’s worked out to a point for you:-your dd has a skirt, cfdd has her skort, cfpa has been reprimanded......... but what of the pe teacher?

StoneofDestiny · 25/01/2019 18:22

Wow - clearly the matter is not resolved as the girl has just accused your daughter of theft! That is what happens with the half cocked Heads' response.

SaturdayNext · 25/01/2019 18:22

Is it the Head's PA who has accused your daughter of dumping the skort? If so it could be worth going back to the head to point out that she is still victimising your DD despite whatever he said to her.

Pigflewpast · 25/01/2019 18:26

Is it the Head's PA who has accused your daughter of dumping the skort? If so it could be worth going back to the head to point out that she is still victimising your DD despite whatever he said to her.

This. She has publicly accused your dd. Totally out of order. You need to speak to the head. Not email, either phone or face to face. She hasn’t stopped her behaviour, she’s now publicly bullying your dd in front of her friends.

billybagpuss · 25/01/2019 18:35

Yes was it the adult or child that found the Skorts, I'm guessing the child and she bitched in-front of friends. Hardly surprising really her mum got bollocked for her ineptitude she has to try and deflect the blame.

Glad everything turned up and hope that is the end of the matter.

Roll on half term and everyone gets some down time from each other.

flumpybear · 25/01/2019 19:15

Ffs ... it's all becoming clear now

CF DD needs new skorts

CFdd accuses your DD a million years after
The event even though she's worn them since as she's somehow an easy target

All kids of shit happens and the school staff stick up for and there's dissembling all over the place

Something gets smudged together and wafted under head teachers nose who doesn't properly investigate

Twatty CF gets ?????? to plant skorts then accuse your DD ..... all eyes on your DD

Get in front of this, you're being set up by complete twunts

flumpybear · 25/01/2019 19:18

Oh and id Be inclined to email the Head this weekend so he gets it as PA unlikely to nip in over the weekend and intervene the email ... unless she's very calculated!!

BertyFlanter · 25/01/2019 19:21

I'm with @billybagpuss on this one. Knowledge is power, keep notes in case for the future and look forward to half term.
Let's not forget there is still an 11 year old girl at the heart of this who undoubtedly will just want all this to go away, especially considering she has also (in the footsteps of her mother) behaved with dignity and honesty throughout.

Aventurine · 25/01/2019 19:36

I think it's CFdd who found the shorts

Bobbybear10 · 25/01/2019 19:37

Well clearly your DD is in for a very rough ride at this school.

It’s a real shame that those involved don’t seem to have learnt anything.

I do hope your DD can keep her head down and they leave her alone but it doesn’t look likely at the moment.

Honestly after the update today I’d be after blood, especially after trying to embarrass her in front of the other girls.

ReaganSomerset · 25/01/2019 20:09

I would make a complaint following the complaints procedure about a member of staff bullying and victimising your daughter.

Sindragosan · 25/01/2019 20:10

Your only option at this point is the board of Governors, you've tried your best to resolve it with the school and it's not ok. You could try the deputy head assuming the PA doesn't look after them too, but I'd have no confidence in them at this point.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 25/01/2019 20:12

It's important whether it was the daughter or staff member mother who found th4 shorts and accused your DD.
If the daughter, contact Pastoral care (copying Head) as it's a pupil on pupil bullying issue.
If the mother, direct to Head as a staff on pupil bullying issue

stayathomegardener · 25/01/2019 20:15

Confused your poor DD.

I suspected as much.

This will not end here.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 25/01/2019 20:28

Maybe the CFdd should have actually looked in the place where she claims the skorts were last in her possession before she started whining to her mum

Binglebong · 25/01/2019 20:34

I doubt the shorts were there. I agree that they were planted. Just not on by whom.

Original poster
ChickenPieBumFace · 25/01/2019 20:54

It was CF who found the skorts. According to DD CFDD was at the uniform shop just about to buy some new ones when they were found. How amazing! See CF has access to the school and can look for herself as well as her DD. In my situation I am reliant on reminding DD to look and accepting she has looked everywhere for it. She surely should have done this beforehand. When the skirt went missing DD ended up being the last one there, and is adamant the skirt was not in the changing rooms. Given how upset she was I'm sure she would have looked everywhere. And it's been a long time for it to sit there. I assume there would have been Cleaner's in and everywhere emptied, as a minimum over the Christmas break. Any kit would have been sent to lost property. Including the skorts. Call me cynical but I think CFDD or Cf herself have planted the skorts. And I think the school have sorted out a replacement skirt to appease me. There is a uniform shop on site. Wouldn't take much to ask what size I bought before Xmas and get one.

OP posts:
ChrisjenAvasarala · 25/01/2019 21:01

I think I would be my house that CF (or her daughter) found them at home, since she's been wearing them since they were 'lost'. Down the back if a radiator or at the bottom the washing basket or just on her daughter's floor knowing teenagers rooms. She's found them, and made up the story that she found them in the changing rooms so she can still blame your daughter.

Class after class has been in there since. Cleaners have been in there since. Teachers have been in there. They weren't just sitting in the changing room.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 25/01/2019 21:10

*bet no be!!

Pigflewpast · 25/01/2019 21:21

In that case I think you need to speak to the head yourself. Whatever has been said to CF has had the opposite outcome to the intended, she is now increasing her bullying of your dd. For a member of staff to behave like this is appalling. If the head is as good as you thought you need to take this to him in person. I understand your dd’s reluctance for you to carry on with this but I can’t see you have a choice.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 25/01/2019 21:23

It does all sound rather convenient ... but I do hope CF feels a bit of a twat over her ridiculous behaviour and using her position so inappropriately...

Hopefully this will all blow over.

magoria · 25/01/2019 22:11

I think you need to send another email. Something along the lines of

'It is unfortunate that I have to contact you about this issue again so soon after I thought it had been resolved and it was sorted that my DD DID NOT AT ANY TIME have possession of CFDD's skorts. I hear that the skorts were found today exactly where DD said they were left after Christmas, x classes & cleaners and that CFDD accused DD of leaving them there to all of their peers.

Please would you send me the schools bullying policy and advise what you are going to do to ensure that this is now over and DD will not be further blamed or punished for something she is completely innocent of.'

Fusioluxe · 25/01/2019 22:51

Definitely send another email. The woman is a liar, unprofessional, a bad role model and a twat basically. If nothing else there will be another meeting with the head (or deputy or whoever) over it. She’ll have to learn. Each time she opens her mouth, she gets a hypothetical slap.

And jeez, the school must know what she’s like. These types are never professional. Why don’t they get rid?

Seriously, write the email because someone is going to keep saying something, CFDD is going to call her a thief or something and mud sticks, get it sorted.

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