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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF parent demanding money

707 replies

ChickenPieBumFace · 19/01/2019 01:21

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 19/01/2019 05:13

OP, is there definitely not a level of bullying going on?

The School needs to get involved in the Girl saying she had your DD's skirt and now she doesn't. That's very strange.

As for the other situation, your DD has seen the DD wearing the Skorts, so isn't responsible.

Could they have a thief in the school?

That's why it needs to go to a Pastoral Care Staff Member, perhaps?

RUOKHUN · 19/01/2019 05:28

Multivac Disappeared quickly when others started pointing out your dickies behaviour. Hmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/01/2019 05:28

This is highly inappropriate behaviour from a school staff member, surely? Have a word with her manager and talk to the school about your dds skirt. Is the child, who admitted taking your dds skirt refusing to return it as she is ditsy, bullying or a thief?

You are not a second class citizen and have the right to a voice just like anyone else. Remember the staff members dd is possibly going to the school as she has a large discount. She too may not be able to afford the filll fees so she shouldn’t be rocking the boat herself.

RUOKHUN · 19/01/2019 05:29

*dickish Blush Damn auto correct

TheMaddHugger · 19/01/2019 05:34
TheMaddHugger · 19/01/2019 05:35

TheSerenDipitY I'm a bit vauge myself but I think there were 2 different friends.

Weezermum · 19/01/2019 05:48

I’d do nothing til you hear from the school.

Love that @multivac was called out on their bitchiness

TheSerenDipitY · 19/01/2019 05:56

@TheMaddHugger
it would be good if we could have it written...
dd lost her skirt
f1 offered to lend her a skort
dd borrowed skort/ didnt borrow skort
dd returned skort
f2 said she has dd skirt will return
f2 hasnt returned skirt
f1's mum texted and said dd lost f1's skirt and wants me to replace skirt
but dd borrowed/didnt borrow a skirt etc etc

might make more sense

EnglishRose13 · 19/01/2019 05:57

CF Friend offered the DD pe skorts. CFF brought them over to the DD so she could borrow them.

Best Friend of the DD then lent the DD her school skirt so the skorts were returned to CF Friend straight away. School skirt has been returned to BF.

CFF has since lost the skorts and is blaming the DD, despite being seen in them since the offer of the DD wearing them.

I think...

darceybussell · 19/01/2019 06:03

Very surprised that someone who can afford to pay private school fees is dicking about texting other parents and demanding they pay for their child's lost PE kit. Kids lose kit sometimes, she needs to suck it up and buy a new one. Tell her you're very sorry but this has nothing to do with you or your DD and you hope she finds the skorts.

Coyoacan · 19/01/2019 06:15

Very surprised that someone who can afford to pay private school fees is dicking about texting other parents and demanding they pay for their child's lost PE kit

In my experience the cheapest cheapskates are the ones with money. To my mind, one of the blessings of having money would be not having to worry about these things, but very few moneyed people give themselves that luxury. And I'm not referring to the OP here.

TheMaddHugger · 19/01/2019 06:17

darceybussell, my kids went to a private school under scholarship. That private school had the only program in the area we needed.

TheSerenDipitY 👍😄

TheMaddHugger · 19/01/2019 06:18

at our private school at least 1/3 of the students were Not from families with money

BouleBaker · 19/01/2019 06:22

I agree that the CF is chancing it. No way would the school start demanding money for uniform from parents. I’d approach the school to clarify and then if they do try this, start the claim for dd’s skirt.

TheseThingsAreFunAndFunIsGood · 19/01/2019 06:37

Not really the point of the thread but I've heard that staff at private schools get discounted attendance for their children so she may well not be loaded either... 🤔

BasinHaircut · 19/01/2019 06:43

She said she was giving you a heads up about the school’s position, so I’d say nothing and wait for formal contact from the school.

I think she was hoping you would just pay her to stop the school getting involved (I.e. using the school as a threat).

Midnight on a Friday she sends this? She seems to be feeling quite brave after a bottle of wine me thinks!

NoFucksImAQueen · 19/01/2019 06:56

*Multivac Disappeared quickly when others started pointing out your dickies behaviour. 

I thought that too. typical cowardly behaviour.

Queenofthestress · 19/01/2019 06:58

I would have replied saying 'I think there's been some confusion, I've just looked at the pics I took after school and DD is definitely wearing her BFF's skirt not your DD's skorts.'

Teacherlikemisstrunchball · 19/01/2019 07:07

I work at the the private school that my DCs attend. I would get in no end of trouble if I sent a message like that to a parent in the middle of the night. Shock

strawberrypenguin · 19/01/2019 07:13

I'm confused. Why did your DD need to borrow anything? Why didn't she stay in her own PE kit?

Either way I would drop the skirt issue and refuse to pay for the skort.

Pinkbells · 19/01/2019 07:22

Skorts, skirts, skirts and skorts. I will re-read this when I've had some caffeine and my brain stops flinging these words about in my head but I think it does sound as though this woman in the office is out of order.

Neverunderfed · 19/01/2019 07:22

If she works there she'll get a discount on fees.

It's not that hard really.

Girls changing. A (daughter), B (friend), C (friend with mother working there), D (BFF).

A b c and d are changing. A realises she can't find her school skirt. Gets upset, others offer skorts so she can meet brother still without showing pants. C brings skort over. D then offers to lend school skirt instead so skort is handed back to C. Skirt later returned to D.

B has the missing skirt apparently, failed to return for a couple of weeks and now says she doesn't have it. Op goes into office who say they can't do anything.

Later mum of C texts, saying the school will be in touch over her daughter's missing skort. OP's daughter doesn't have the skort, never did. CF mum may be using her position at school to get lost skort replaced.

Poloshot · 19/01/2019 07:35

Just respond back 'no'

dontticklethetoad · 19/01/2019 07:37

Teflon Coated Cheeky Fuckery.

She is trying her luck.

caroline161 · 19/01/2019 07:40

Can't wait for Monday!

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