CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

It sounds as if the teacher is going way beyond her remit, possibly because the other parent is a member of staff. It really is quite unprofessional of her to get involved in allying with one parent against another child, and I would hope the head will make that clear.

"I would just tell them to fuck off"

well that is certainly one approach ...... :)

FuckingYuleLog are you the CF?

Nope not the other parent but if it were my dd and she hadn’t been clear that she didn’t need an item she’d accepted from someone and returned it to them I’d pay something towards it if it went missing rather than than trying to come up with reasons not to - someone else owes me a skirt, she has been seen wearing them since (obviously no chance they will have bought new or borrowed some so the child can take part in pe).
If the ops dd had given the skorts back to the friend once she realised she didn’t need them then it would be 100% the friends fault if they were lost. But it doesn’t sound like that happened.
Separately I don’t think the girls mum (me apparently 😂) should be texting about it at midnight or using her position at the school to pressure either the op or her dd.

Lot of unprofessional behaviour here, good luck with the Head OP.

Good luck on Monday OP. Interested to learn the outcome!

Just going back to your original post OP and maybe you could bring this up with the Head too - but when the original school uniform skirt was missing why didn't the teachers make more of an issue and get all the children to check their own skirt labels or bags - someone has been dishonest here and stolen or hidden her skirt - the don't just walk off (thinking back to my old PE teacher terminology) ... I'd put money on it having something to do with this 'friend'

Is there not a lost property box where you could both replace what you've lost?

My kids had a VERY expensive uniform and if they lost a piece, I went straight to the lost property rails and took the same, as long as it was unnamed.

Obviously the other girl still thought she was borrowing them and they got left. I’d offer half towards them in that circumstance.

@fuckingyulelog she's been seen wearing them since. Unless she has a time machine, OP's daughter has nothing to do with this.

My DS and DD are in private schools. Between them they have 'lost' boot bags, tracksuit tops, school jumper, skorts, shoes....the list goes on. Never have the school got involved apart from to remind the DC to check lost property. My DD did take someones jumper by mistake and I hadnt realised. (there all labelled) Saw an email to the class asking if anyone had seen it. Went through my DD clothes and there it was. I was mortified and replied right away and it was returned the following week, however that is not unusual to find on the chaos of the changing room things get mixed up. I am always shocked that we have never had any of my DC property returned as they were all labelled so not sure if it is simply parents not checking the labels like I did! Anyway it is highly unsual for a teacher to get involved and suggest you would receive a bill. A bill from who? The school have nothing to do with your uniform purchase it s a private transaction. I do worry that the other girl is being a little shitty because your DD is the 'full' scholarship girl, I found the girls in my DD school to be really rather nasty in yr 7 and 8....hope you can get it resolved on Monday and do not go in there worrying about your DD being a scholar....the schools are proud of there scholarships and the only thing that would put that at risk is not maintaining the academic standard required and/or poor behaviours....

Bit confusing but I think I get it now. Presumably you have already had to buy one new skirt as F3 refuses to hand over the one they took by mistake? I think I would say as many others have that your DD never borrowed the skirt from F1 and it was where F1 left it in changing room. Also as she has been seen in it since this is nothing to do with your DD but if she wants to pursue someone she can pursue F3 who actually did have your DDs skirt and refuses to give it back.

Nobody is seeing that if OP goes in ablaze with righteousness, she will give them more fuel and dd could end up being tortured by teachers?

My dc HATED if i tried to sort things out with teachers bc the power is one sided. In my unhappy experience, a CF teacher/school person meant that it was a frightening and fair place.

Totally unprofessional! I hope the CF gets a disciplinary meeting for blatantly exploiting her position of working at the school!! Good luck tomorrow- hope to hear it all goes in your favour xxx

She’s been seen wearing pe skirts since. Presumably she’d have had to buy/borrow some different ones in order to take part in pe!

*skorts

....would have thought that if message is on behalf of school than it would be on a letter head and signed?? texting seems a bit bizarre - ? -

Whatever happens, you must stick to your guns. Make it clear that at no time did your Dd have the skorts. They were offered and politely refused as your Dd was able to borrow a skirt instead. Point out you have photographic evidence that your Dd wore a skirt. Point out that there is no evidence that your Dd borrowed the skort and there is evidence that she borrowed a skirt and as there is no reason in the world for her to borrow both, it is obvious that the other girl is mistaken. You will accept their apology and will let this go this time but if the school ever takes this approach again when it is obvious that a girl has mistakenly accused your Dd of something you will have to communicate with the governors. In the meantime, you are disappointed that when you have actual evidence (texts I presume) and not made up stories of another child having your Dds skirt, the school was unwilling to get involved and you would like a written explanation of this discriminatory practice. Put it ALL on them to backtrack. Come out on the offensive. Don't be defensive, you haven't done anything wrong.

Good luck tomorrow.

This probably is an issue with money as well. Staff at private schools get free tuition for their DCs so money might be tight on her end and she’s desperate to blame someone else for the problem! That being said she is a CF and should have gone through the school and not texted you the way she did!

Following as I am interested to know the outcome on Monday.
It reminds me of my lads brand new school coat going missing in first week of school. It was fully labeled and I had also wrote his name in pocket. It turned up two years later!!! Well worn by another lad in his class. The parents had scrubbed out my lads name and out there kids name. !!! I knew it was his though as they hadn’t took out his name in the pocket. !!!was livid as this mum was a friend and it was a blantant act of theft. !!!

Can your DD carefully work out, maybe with other friends? when the skort girl would have been seen in PE wearing the 'missing' skorts?

I'd definitely contact the head and complain about teacher and PA. I would also ask that if this is a new school rule, why is everyone not aware of it and why has F3s parents not been sent a bill for your dd skirt.

Good grief Ruperbear! Was she a friend after that?

Good luck on Monday OP. The fact that the friend was seen wearing the skorts after this event makes the CF’s claims utterly ridiculous!!