CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

Exactly! The invoice thing is bonkers.

Just tell the woman your daughter didn't take the girl's skorts, so you won't be paying. If the school contacts you, say the same, and ask them why they are getting involved. Don't dick around asking for invoices or contacting the school.

It's a simple problem with a simple solution.

I think you do need to contact the school and complain. Explain that a staff member text you at midnight demanding you pay for her daughter’s skorts which are missing and saying that this had been agreed with the school. Tell them you have proof your daughter didn’t borrow the skorts, a picture on the day of her wearing her best friend’s skirt and, hopefully, you can get the best friend/ best friend’s parent to confirm that she loaned her skirt and went home in PE kit. Also mention that the CF daughter has been seen wearing the skorts recently.

Ask if it is the case that the school have arranged between themselves and the staff member that you will pay for skorts your daughter didn’t borrow and ask how they came to this conclusion without involving you in the discussion. At the same time name the child who took your daughter’s skirt and point out that you are having trouble getting DD’s skirt returned and if school is willing to intervene on staff member’s behalf, then you would appreciate them intervening to either retrieve DDs skirt or have the child responsible’s parents pay for a replacement.
At the same time, as for a staff behaviour policy as you feel unhappy at the manner in which you’ve been contacted and feel there may be grounds for a formal complaint.

I just wanted to add that if she works in the office and you don't know what capacity she actually does there don't send an email that she could delete.

I'd politely but firmly text her back saying I think you've made a
Mistake as she had the skirt from her friend and not your DD skorts- tell her I'm happy to provide evidence to the school which is in fact dated, particularly as they haven't even come to me about his and decided an outcome already, which has strangely been delivered by a staff member at midnight - all very strange but maybe that's how the school works? I'll happily take this up with the head I've got all the information, including all the messages from your daughter

She sounds like she's using her position to take money off you, play her at her own game

Go speak to the school. Preferably with other mother. Explain simply; she offered but the offer was declined in favour of another offer of a skirt. Since then, she has been seen wearing said missing skort on several occasions. emphasise the time the text was sent. Show disappointment in the schools decision, made in your absence. Wait for a response. If it is upheld, request that the other parent is invoiced for your dd skirt and ask for a copy. However, I suspect that the school knows nothing about the decision. To expose her lie in front of her boss will put her in an awkward position.
CF.

@multivac stop being so rude and tedious.

OP, you’ve found a real life CF! It definitely sounds to me like this woman didn’t get what she wanted from the school and so has taken it upon herself to make it look like an official solution when it isn’t. I’d be very interested to see what the school has to say about it next week.

Also, it seems bizarre that they have overlooked that another person really did take your DD's skirt and they've been left to bring it back at their leisure (unless I've misunderstood). Shouldn't they be asked to pay if that's the standard way of dealing with it?

This is just nonsense, the text came from the woman, not the school. There is no evidence to say the school has decided anything of the sort.

Text back. “I’m not sure how you obtained my number but just to be clear, DD did not borrow your DD’s skorts, therefore I think you need to pursue this with whoever did. I sympathise, we are having our own issues getting DD’s skirt returned from XX, but we can’t help. I hope you find them.”

Hi just woke up to these posts and I will go back and read them but the theme seems to be asking for clarity. So there are 3 friends and my DD. F1 offered to lend some skorts but was not taken up on it as F2 offered to lend an actual skirt (this meant we could go straight to meet her brother as she didn't want to miss any time with him having to go home and her changed). F1 had bought the skorts over to DD but as she didn't need to borrow them she said thanks but I have left the skorts there for you. The skorts were never actually in my daughters possession. F1 is trying to claim that as she didn't put them in her bag it is DDs fault and she should pay for them. (Ignoring the fact that many of the class have seen her wear them since and it has been since 2nd week in December) F2 got her skirt returned by me that week and all is good there. F3 came in the week after and said that she has picked up DD skirt by accident and would bring it in. But has failed to do so. Lots of different excuses of forgetting etc. Then Couldn't find it and then said she was mistaken and never had it in the first place. So I went into school and said that although I'm not sure the school could actually do anything, maybe an adult asking for the skirt might help the situation instead of being dealt with by 11year old girls. No hint of bullying. I just think F3 can't find the skirt at home now and can't be bothered to deal with it. Which is why I thought if an adult said something it may spur her on. Given that this is all hearsay from 11 year olds I didn't expect much could be done or enforced.

Cut to last night when I get a text from F1 mum, who works at the school. She said that her daughter had been very kind in offering the skorts and now she doesn't have them through no fault of her own and that I am to replace them. That this has already been agreed with the head of year, who will be contacting me directly.

The issue isn't really about the skorts. If CF wanted to deal with it parent to parent she could have text me and not involved the school. If the school are dealing with it, then I should be included in the discussion and any evidence (texts etc between girls) presented to give the full picture. And all communication should come through the school, not on a midnight text from a ranting CF. She seems to want to do both. According to her they have arbitrarily made a decision of my daughters culpability and the outcome. And in the cold light of day, just like I can't enforce F3 to buy a new skirt, I don't think they can force me to buy new skorts. Hope this is clearer and thanks for your comments. I'm off to read them and see if multivac ever came back

I completely understood correctly from your first posts and stand by my thoughts.

Tell CF parent your DD never had the skirts and her DD was wearing them for PE after skirt gate so not your problem. If you ever receive an invoice from school I would do all communication in writing asking WTF is going on...

Hopefully skirt accidents taker F3 May eventually find skirt - worth a bribe of some sweets/chocolate if she can find it and return it to DD?

How much is a new school skirt btw?

In your op it doesn’t actually say whether your dd returned the skorts she didn’t need - just that ‘they were folded’. If she returned them then I don’t see how there has been any back and forth discussion other than ‘dd gave your dd the skorts back as she ended up borrowing a skirt from another friend’. If, on the other hand, she just folded them and left them on the bench without returning them then I think you are liable to pay. The fact that another parent may owe you a skirt is a separate matter.
The skorts parent hasn’t gone about things the best way but the only thing that would concern me is whether or not my dd was responsible for the loss of the shorts. And if she was I would pay.

It’s also possible the friend has more than one pair of skorts so her wearing them after for pe after doesn’t mean she isn’t down a pair.

Okay I had a read through and thank you for all your comments and suggestions. I also suspect she may have had a drink when she sent it. And will be regretting it now. If not she will be on Monday morning.
Her role is PA to the headmaster. But he is a very good headmaster and I have no doubt that he will deal with it in the proper manner. My plan is to email him and ask why a staff member is communicating school decisions at midnight through text. And how this decision has been reached with no input outside of her own daughter. And why when I asked about the missing skirt no action could be taken but staff member can demand payment in said text. I will ask for the school position to be clarified. I'm pretty sure as a minimum she will be hauled over the coals for it. And that in the same way that I have to suck it up over the skirt she will also have to suck it up. The skirt that went missing had only been purchased on the Tuesday and went missing on the Friday, which added to my frustration at the time. Never felt the need to demand anything from the school or parent though. I will keep the post updated.

She's been so inappropriate here, she is on dodgy ground.

1. I do not agree that we owe this, as my child never borrowed your daughter's clothing. You have already had this explained to you.
2. If I hear from the school I will explain the situation and show the text exchanges between our daughters, so they can themselves determine which side was behaving in a manner likely to cause distress
3. I have photographs of my daughter from that evening, date stamped, wearing the skirt borrowed from another child, since returned. I'm sure that family would be happy to confirm their kind loan. She did not borrow your child's skorts, and that refusal happened in the changing room. They were never in her possession.

I look forward to the official contact from the school, so I can provide them with my own views. Until that point I suggest we leave it, as this conversation is unlikely to become more constructive.

Then just ignore her.

Okay then leave it, sorry - posted before your update! If she's not a teacher, but admin directly reporting to the head, and he's reliable then she will be the one in the shit here, absolutely. Going to him sounds far and away the best option.

Sounds like she's read the text exchanges and been angry, when a bit pissed on Friday, and decided to try to use her position to coerce, yes. If he's not going to like that she's been pretty foolish.

She may have form, in fact. You never know what someone's HR file may look like.

If your friend is PA to the headmaster she may have access to his email, so it would be better to email someone else like the head of year or deputy head.

I would just wait until the "official" request comes from the school first of all.

Then I would explain the situation clearly and concisely. Say following a PE lesson where your DD's skirt went missing, your DD was offered a skort from Girl A but declined after Girl B offered up her own actual skirt which DD took up. Girl B will be able to confirm that was the case if needs be. You also have photographic evidence of your DD wearing Girl B's skirt on the day in question. At no point did your DD accept Girl A's skort.

Yes I agree she probably (very unprofessionally) sent the text after a bottle of red wine! Call her out on this just as you did the keyboard warrior @multivac these people need to be put back in their box!

Good luck for Monday! Do up date us.

Perhaps book an appointment to speak with Head or deputy seeing as though CF will most likely have access to email.

It also means you can keep it informal and only put something in writing if you wish to raise a formal complaint.

OP Much better idea than mine, she may just make excuses before you contact the Head otherwise

Bet she was pissed (that could apply equally to cf Mum or Multivac).

No way would a teacher unilaterally do that without checking the story out.

Definitely don’t email! I worked in a number of schools and the PA looked at all the Head Teacher’s emails in order to filter and prioritise them. He will never see the email. Send a letter in to the Head, marked private and confidential FAO “Mr Headteacher” only. Send a copy to the Head of Year or, arrange an appointment with the Head of Year and ask to make a complaint about CF’s conduct.

I would text and say you will be speaking with the school on Monday

@PerfectStorm’s message to her is spot on.