CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

Good luck op

I totally understand your reasoning. Although I remain unconvinced the head actually knows anything about this.

In my super suspicious head the pa is a mnetter. She saw the furore over her first stupid email and sent another to get you to back off. It’s making me eye everyone on here telling you to do nothing verrrrrrry suspiciously!

I could not resist mentioning it casually next time you bump into the head. See what he says.

Hope your dd is ok.

I agree now that accepting the apology gracefully is the way forward. You've behaved impeccably throughout, and should be proud of the result.
I'm sure the opportunity to speak to the headmaster will arise in due course without giving anyone else the opportunity to make you out to be the one in the wrong. well done OP

I think you are doing the right thing for the sake of your DD OP - well done. You couldn't have done more. CF PA has hopefully learnt her lesson and also CF 2, 3 and 4. To continue would be stressful for DD and you I suspect.

So glad that second email turned up!

I am sure if there is any future bullying of your DD by CFDD you will be able to get it nipped in the bud.

well - that's your call, of course, OP. I'm not sure I could feel comfortable in this school going forward, myself, without getting to the bottom of this. Several members of staff have behaved very badly and this is just over a piece of clothing. What might they be like over something more serious? They are clearly going to always cover their own backs, first and foremost.

@chickenpiebumface I think you've done the right thing. His first reply was the acknowledgement you requested. The second email was him actually dealing with it. You've done your bit and passed the complaint to the boss....nothing else to do now. Well done for standing your ground.

Whilst not the full outcome you wanted OP, the PA will feel like one of the naughty pupils as you can bet the HT will be annoyed at the unprofessionalism of his staff!

It will also have definitely taught the PA a lesson especially as she wouldn't even have considered at the time that her actions could have risked her job!

I very much doubt you will ever receive a text from her again!

I think you're right to leave this. The staff members concerned know that their cards have been marked and that they won't get away with this sort of thing again.

Was anyone taking notes/minutes of yesterdays meeting for the school? If so you could just email him back and thank him for his 2 emails, and ask if you could have a copy of the minutes from the meeting for your own records.

As previous posters have said, are right to leave it now OP but I would definitely go with the casual mention next time you bump into him.

Despite my scepticism I completely understand your decision, after all, DD will be at this school for many years to come. I also echo those who have said well done to you for the way you (and your DD) handled the whole situation.

Ok, I’m interpreting that 6.30 email as a dashed off acknowledgment by the HM that it’s been brought to his attention and an (unwritten but implied) indication he’ll get back to you later. I think I’d take both emails at face value tbh unless there are any repercussions on the way your daughter is treated going forward. There’s nothing to be gained by dragging this out any further

Yeah, it’s possible the PA intercepted and responded to you in his name but is it likely she’d take such a huge risk to tamper so blatantly with her boss’s correspondence? At worst she was facing a reprimand for handling this whole thing so badly up to now, backpedaling and arse covering yes, I’d expect that, but risking getting fired for grosss misconduct? No, I think it’s highly improbable.

I’d just reply to the second email, saying thank you for the acknowledgment of 6.30am and for this follow up and that you trust everything has now been settled and there’ll be no repeat of the harassment of your daughter from his staff.

Yes. What @insightmars said.

Totally appreciate why you are parking this for your DD sake but please do keep records, this thread being an excellent timeline as I feel this will come up again, PA won't be happy with this outcome if even genuine possibly in the form of bullying your Dd or coercing others.

I would recommend you almost laugh it off with your Dd and say you know what it's dealt with and I'm buying you another skirt today so no more mid week washing. Result for you Dd!

Was anyone taking notes/minutes of yesterdays meeting for the school? If so you could just email him back and thank him for his 2 emails, and ask if you could have a copy of the minutes from the meeting for your own records.

I think this is an excellent suggestion from Drum.

I can absolutely understand why you want to smooth things over for your DD - she is the one who will be there every day.

But I'd still be seething with resentment . . . . probably would just let all their tyres down.

Agree with other posters who are saying the HM saw the email, didn't have time at 6:30am to respond fully (he may need to speak to staff members before replying after all) and sent a quick acknowledgement that he'd received the email. Once he had time, had spoken to staff, decided how to proceed etc he compiled a further email to you addressing your points. I think you're right to let it drop now. He's aware of the situation, has dealt with the staff and no one is going to be invoicing you for skorts that weren't borrowed.

I think this is a good outcome OP.

Reading between the lines the email are both from the Head and the first is code for
“I am responding as requested to confirm I am aware of this and I will say nothing more right now because I need to talk to my people and find out what they’ve been up to”

Email two is
“Okay, I talked to them, man did they screw this up, sorry about that. It won’t happen again, not after the telling off I gave everyone”

...and if you are reading this CF PA - don't mess with ChickenPieBumFace or her DD again or else you'll have us to deal with!

@danceyourselfsilly hilarious. I wonder if she has read it. 🤔

What am I going to do now the chicken pie bum face skort situation has been resolved? It's like the end of an era. We've had a blast OP thanks for the memories

Did the headmaster address the issue about not having an ‘open door’ policy?

@dollydee he didn't reference it. I don't think the response covered the range or depth of my complaint but it was a response and I just have to accept it. It is disappointing that he is not the headmaster I thought he was. But it's not the first time I have been fooled my a mans words, only to have the reality of his actions slap me in the face. And I bet it won't be the last! 😂

@caroline161 @danceyourselfsilly @BertyFlanter and all the other lovely Mumsnetters. Thank you for your support and kind words. I would normally run a situation like this around inside my own head, bouncing from worry and stress to fury. You have all kept me focussed and sane. And of course laughing. Skorts and shrumpers (with or without the "r") will be a lasting source of amusement.

The headmaster of my children's school many years ago was a similar twonk!

An Incident arose (can't even remember what it was now) - when I wanted to speak to him about it, he refused on the grounds that no other parents were concerned about it, so I was off my trolley exaggerating.

Other parents were affected. As each approached him separately they got the same spiel that I did.

So we got together, listed our concerns and asked for a meeting. He refused - because he wasn't prepared to be confronted by a "mob".

You're damed if you do . . .

I would still bet that he hasn't sent either email, and is the headmaster you think he is. I don't see how someone can go from being unaware of an incident at 6am to having it fully sorted by 9am, and an incident of this seriousness would take time to resolve.

I can understand you don't want to push it as your only option is the board of Governors, but I still think you got played. Despite this, I suspect they'll think twice before casual bullying again, it has probably made a few people nervous.