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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF parent demanding money

707 replies

ChickenPieBumFace · 19/01/2019 01:21

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 24/01/2019 20:17

If a parent contacted me with serious concerns over the conduct of my staff I would definitely want to speak to them personally. Any manager worth their salt would

Totally agree - utterly shocking he hasn't done that. He is working with partial information.

....and Sindragosan makes a very good point. However, I'd be inclined to let it go now, keep a record of the conversation, and when you see him at next school event see if he raises any of it with you casually.

itswinetime · 24/01/2019 20:43

I'm going to go against the grain here slightly

Please accept this e mail as acknowledgement of the situation that has been dealt with by the Deputy Head.

Doesn't state he was unaware until that email it literally says yes I'm aware and consider it resolved. Yes it's abrupt and not a great piece of communication but possibly he finds the best thing to do is to send quick replies to acknowledge and then give details when he has time. I know a few people who email like this it's annoying but it is a style it seems.

I also don't think he needs to tell you what action will be taken. While it would be nice to suggest an in person meeting it might be he feels he has sufficient information to take action from your email. Most workplaces have a policy for staff misconduct and most of them give the staff member confidentiality. It is possible he is dealing with it all the correct way and there is only so much he can say only time will tell.

I don't think going further at this stage is the right move. Make sure everything is kept the texts, emails ect and see what happens. Your daughter seems comfortable bringing issues to you which is great and I think you have shown that you won't be bullied and that you are prepared to take action when required. That's 2 really positive thing to take away.

Binglebong · 24/01/2019 20:44

I'd be tempted to reply "Glad it's all sorted.
Don't worry - I won't harp on about it too much at dinner next week!"

danceyourselfsilly · 24/01/2019 21:55

you're welcome glad to be of help ChickenPieBumFace - I have actually been job searching this week so had lots of time to myself and this thread has been a distraction
don't be too downhearted about the Head - I am sure he is a top bloke - it is probably school/governors policy that he is kept away from parents and that is why they have Deputy this and Deputy that
We need a new thread now - any ideas? x

Smallhorse · 24/01/2019 22:25

Good Ish result, op.

And to whoever said shrumpers shouldn’t have an r in - it just sounds funnier with the r.
I vote we keep the rGrin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2019 11:53

Bingle

That is GENIUS!

DEMONIC GENIUS!!!!!

Grin Grin Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2019 11:56
PhilomenaButterfly · 25/01/2019 12:33

Schadenfreude my autistic brain wouldn't have been able to let that go. How frustrating!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2019 13:55

Philomena

I didn't!

I stalked that lanky four-eyed bastard like a Hellhound until I got a meeting.

He still wouldn't apologise or anything, but I did have the satisfaction of seeing his face drop on a daily basis until he gave in and let me speak
my piece and told him what a useless piece of piss he was (er - not my actual words, but the gist was there.).

I was asking DH if he could remember the reason, and he could.

DD had been through three years of school (reception and classes1 and 2) and was well behind her brother in reading compared to him at the same age - now I hasten to point out that I didn't expect her to be ploughing through Chaucer, but I did think that she should have been able to manage more than "Run, Spot, Run."

I'd done a bit of work at home with her myself and got a letter back from the teacher saying that she didn't want pressure on the kids and they'd come to it in their own time, yadyadayada -and that if one child was reading a lot at home it discouraged the others etc. This particular teacher (whom some said the head was shagging - I don't know if he was or not, be she seemed to get away with a lot) also stayed with the class moving up with them from reception to year two, which was unusual to say the least.

Anyway, come end of year two, we all got letters from her saying our children should be reading at a much higher level and effectively saying we should tell them to get their fingers out and put a bit of effort in at school as they were lazy little shysters etc.

I went off it! I went to see the teacher - she wouldn't meet me - always "too busy". Went to see the head - ditto. Other parents had had the same sh*t thrown at them. Head continued to blame children (separately) and refused to discuss it - then when we realised that we were all in the same boat and asked for a meeting wouldn't listen to a "mob". We wrote to the governers and board of education and raised no hell of a stink. I also made a personal point of waylaying him whenever I could to ask what action had been taken about the teacher and finally got a meeting, but was just told it was inappropriate to talk about it.

So I got DD a tutor to help her come up to scratch. In just a few weeks, she was at age-appropriate level. There were repercussions. I had recommended the tutor to others.

Head teacher summoned ME in for a meeting when I collected DD one day and told me that I had no right to do this, and that it made his school look as though they were failing the pupils and also that it wasn't fair on the other children who weren't getting tutored.

I'm afraid I went down his neck - told him his school WAS failing the pupils and that I was sorry if my getting a tutor for my child wasn't fair on other pupils but MINE was the one I had a responsibility to - unlike him, who had a responsibility to them all but was cocking it up.

I also told him that he could expect other pupils to be getting tutored, too as I had been passing this lady's name around.

He was furious! He caused a lot of trouble for her poor woman - she was a retired teacher from the school and he told her she was unprofessional etc and had her in tears (she rang me). The bastard!

However the year 3 teacher was very grateful because she couldn't start her syllabus until the kids could read at an appropriate level.

That H/T was an absolute GIT!

Binglebong · 25/01/2019 14:52

Thank you SchadenfreudePersonified, from you that means an awful lot. Give my best to Vlad. Grin

Binglebong · 25/01/2019 14:56

Also you sound awesome. Kill the head!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2019 17:40

I did a Vlad-related response but it has disappeared - I think MI5 are on to us. . . .

ChickenPieBumFace · 25/01/2019 17:54

One last update. Today the skort was found. In the changing rooms, exactly where DD had said she had left it. CF turned to a group of girls, seemingly furious and said that my DD (by name) must have dumped them there! Clearly she felt a bit of a twat, given that she started all of this without a thorough search for the skorts first! But clearly CFDD can't be in the wrong so it must be my DD. It is just as likely that they were there the whole time or that her own DD had planted them. So telling a group of her friends that it was DD is just ridiculous. She clearly doesn't learn from her mistakes. FFS. I bet she feels a complete dick right now.
As if this wasn't enough, given the stink I kicked up they have miraculously located what they think is DDs skirt. Although it is unnamed. If only a thorough search had been done when I requested it the week before, both items would have been located and none of this would have happened. If it was my DD and I had risked my job and done all this when she hadn't even looked I would be furious. And embarrassed.

OP posts:
PolkaDoting · 25/01/2019 17:58

Hang on, she’s accusing your DD of planting them?!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2019 18:00

You will know who you are dealing with in future Chicken

I think the CFDD planted it there - I can't see that it remained undisturbed for so long with several flocks of schoolgirls having PE. It must have trunk up filthy, under a bench seat somewhere and the little sh*t CFDD has rapidly folded it and put it where it can be found.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2019 18:01

*turned up. not trunk up - yes, yes - thank you autocorrect - I know you're doing your best

PhilomenaButterfly · 25/01/2019 18:03

Schadenfreude I think I'm a little bit in love with you.

RandomMess · 25/01/2019 18:05

And so the attempt at bullying your DD continues...

I would actually speak to the Head if Pastoral again, separately to all of this. I would say that you are concerned that CFDD is attempting to bully your DD again as she did at Primary school and you feel they need to be aware of this bearing in mind skort gate and the blaming that has now occurred when it was found.

You can categorically say that you don't want your DD to be forced to shake hands with CFDD until you have been included.

MaidofEyes · 25/01/2019 18:06

Wow...I can't believe both items have been found after all that...and I think that CF's ability to still turn it in to someone else's fault shows her in an even worse light and actually makes her previous actions even more questionable.

I wonder if the head knows the skorts have reappeared.

Next also does scrumpers/scops - scarves attached to jumpers and tops BTW.

MaidofEyes · 25/01/2019 18:10

I mean make her actions look more questionable in the eyes of others, not just you! She's publicly made herself look ridiculous and unpleasant.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2019 18:14

Butterfky

I've got it!

I flaunt it!

Grin
HeebieJeebies456 · 25/01/2019 18:16

CF turned to a group of girls, seemingly furious and said that my DD (by name) must have dumped them there!
So she's continuing to bully your dd and slander her Hmm

Are you going to let her get away with it op?
If left unchallenged it will look like what CF is saying is true....and it's your dd who will feel the repercussions of that.

Seriously - go into school and talk to the HT yourself.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2019 18:16

Butter fly - ffs, I'm as reasonable as the next person. autocorrect, but this is just too much

*as long as the next person is Ghenghiz Khan

PhilomenaButterfly · 25/01/2019 18:16

And ChickenPie that's great!

Schadenfreude 😂

RiverTam · 25/01/2019 18:18

I'd be pushing for that meeting with the HM, OP - CF doesn't appear to have had her wrist slapped about this at all if she's chucking public accusations about.

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