CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

Very odd reading update re second message. Def something fishy going on!

I don't think the two emails are fishy. This is what I would potentially do - quick email from phone to confirm receipt and then more detailed email later addressing points.

Doesn't mean the whole thing isn't fake but I don't think it's suspicious in and or itself.

i second what cherry just said. the head would of absolutely seen you by now if he knew the full story. ive had meetings with my HM for a lot less trivial things. thats part of their job for goodness sake.

This needs to be part of a novel one day, OP!!!

Re: the two emails - is it not the head doing what you asked? Ie, first of all confirming receipt; then replying properly once he’s had a chance to understand what is going on?

PAs usually have access to read emails but not usually reply on behalf of

I often did respond on behalf of, in all of my positions.

I don’t believe either.
The first email said it had been dealt with - past tense

The second says it’s all been dealt with. No need to do anything else (like a Face to face meeting or governors)

Bollocks. Pa has shit herself and thought if she gave you what you wanted you’d back off. Reply - given the seriousness of the situation you would like a meeting. Today. No bullshit and no deputies of nothingness

I think for the sake of your Daughters life at school maybe just accept his apology gracefully.
keep all emails, this thread and text messages safe just in case.
if it is the PA she is highly unlikely to overstep the mark in future knowing how professionally you have reacted.
dont let it leave a bad taste, go to school events smile sweetly and your daughter willhave learnt a valuable lessons in that sometimes adults in power also act atrociously. ( although looking at the news she should be aware of that!!)
When i escalated my issue, i did have a face to face with the head, but initially he was very much on the tracher and other parent side. that was a fee paying school.
follow your gut, but ultimately do what is best for your daughter - by letting it go you may find you have won.

If a parent contacted me with serious concerns over the conduct of my staff I would definitely want to speak to them personally. Any manager worth their salt would.

Are you happy with the reply @chicken?

I'd be inclined to thank him and let it drop now as there's not much more you could hope to achieve, PA has had her cards marked and I'm sure something will be said in the staff meeting too.

Personally I'd also prob buy DD her new skirt (def not CFDD new skort) and roll on half term.

Well handled may life become less dramatic for a while.

I would thank the Head for his response but in view of the way in which certain members of staff have colluded to cover up their actions you are not convinced he has been appraised of the full facts. You would appreciate a five minute meeting to confirm the outcome, and to discuss any repercussions for your DD. In view of the fact that his PA is directly involved and therefore conflicted, you would appreciate it if he contacted you directly by telephone.

Let her try and get out of that one,

I'm skeptical ...

I would let this go now. What's the point on following it up more? They have backed down, you don't have to pay for any skort. Maybe it hasn't been solved exactly as you would like, but the issue is over.

ChickenPieBumFace I would have to wonder if both those emails were actually written by the head. Is it beyond the realms of possibility that the PA wrote the first one herself?

Posted too soon, I was going to say that a decent Head would give you five minutes just to shut the whole thing down. If the email did in fact address all the points in your complaint, he may feel he has done that.

But if he hasn’t given you assurances that there will be no repercussions for your DD, that’s the angle I would be taking,

I'm skeptical Because he's no idea what's happened apart from what he's heard from the staff, he can't have dealt with the PA as til last night he didn't hear from you at all so could have got any old nonsense from the staff, who are in cahoots anyway, also nothing mentioned about behaviour of the PE teacher

Also I'd want some strong reassurance that this isn't going to reflect on DD education, after the debacle the staff have concocted they're clearly an unprofessional bunch who watch each other's backs before actually doing the right thing

I'd want this documented too so if anything does happen there's written record

“I think for the sake of your Daughters life at school maybe just accept his apology gracefully.
keep all emails, this thread and text messages safe just in case.
if it is the PA she is highly unlikely to overstep the mark in future knowing how professionally you have reacted“. I agree with @coffee. I would leave it now, people saying take this further want justice met on the pa but your priority is your daughter. If is is the Head he has dealt with it as much as he is going to; and if it is the PA she will be terrified of being found out and will be super nice going forward

I do think he should have called you though/ asked you in for a meeting

It is a tough one.

If there is any action happening against any of the staff you wouldn't be informed you would just get that sort of generic it is being dealt with response.

So hard to know where it is coming from.

Tbh the whole skirt / skort thing payment isn’t what would annoy me it’s the manipulative behaviour of staff over a relatively minor issue. If they can do that over clothing what else do they do? Obviously the admin staff and prob most of teaching staff know your dd is not full fee paying - do you feel they descriminate because of this? In the sense that lord payupfull’s dd needs to be given extra attention so they donate money for books etc whilst Mrs onlypayinghalf’s dd does not?

I would let this go now. What's the point on following it up more? They have backed down, you don't have to pay for any skort. Maybe it hasn't been solved exactly as you would like, but the issue is over.
If that was the only issue here I'm sure the OP would have paid the money and been done with it all.
There are multiple issues; lies from the PA who is abusing her position, bullying from the teachers who are not acting impartial. It is these issues that need addressing.

That new email makes things a bit more odd!

I cannot believe someone would impersonate the Head, that would be a really stupid thing to do over what would’ve been a slap on the wrist for the PA/secretary/PE teacher. If they were found out it would be really serious consequences! But then I don’t understand why the 6:30am email then another at 9:00am?

It’s very odd and if the Head really did write the first email then I would be re evaluating the school tbh. Especially as it proves he would be incapable of stopping the other staff from, however covertly, victimising your DD.

I’m not sure what I would do but I think I’d want to find out if Head really wrote both emails although I’m not sure how without looking a bit unhinged.

Could you give us a vague idea of whereabouts you are in the country as although unlikely I would like to make sure it’s not a school near me!!

Thanks everyone. I am going to accept the apology and email graciously. For the sake of DD and that I really don't think I am going to get much more and risk coming across like a dog with a bone. They have shown me who they are and how they are willing to behave. I've learnt early in her school career and will know how to handle matters in the future. I'm not satisfied but not unsatisfied. Thanks everyone.

What is the likelihood of you seeing the head in the near future? For any reason (carpark, pta meeting, event)? If it's high, I'd accept the emails you've got gracefully for now as per pp then just say to him when you see him 'Thanks so much for your email, these things really get out of hand don't they, I couldn't care less about the skort obviously but was a bit concerned that people were crossing professional boundaries.'

And he'll either say 'absolutely no problem and I'm so sorry the issue came up at all etc' or .....'....WTF?!'

crosspost!