CF parent demanding money

[ChickenPieBumFace]

I'll try and keep this brief. Last year just before Xmas DD11 was getting changed from PE and her skirt was gone. She got upset as we were due to meet her brother after school, so several friends offered their PE skorts. One actually bought some over. But then her BF said she would go home in her PE kit so that she could borrow a skirt and still be able to go out and meet her little brother. Skorts are folded and girl is thanked but have a skirt now. Skirt is later returned to BFF.
So DD skirt turns out to have been picked up accidentally by another pupil who says for weeks that she will bring it back in and now, 2 weeks into the new term is saying she doesn't actually have it etc. Last week I called into the school to ask reception if there was anything they could do, maybe have a word with the girl and ask her to bring it in, but stated I was unsure there was much the school could do in reality.

Anyway, I have just been woken by a text from the mum of the girl who offered her skorts, but was not taken up on it. This mum works at the school in the office. She has said that she wanted to give me the heads up. Her daughter cannot find her skorts and is holding my DD responsible. She has spoken with one of the teachers and that they have agreed between them that I will have to buy a new pair (£25) and replace them as it is my daughters fault. Now I have a problem with this on a few levels. Firstly if the school are dealing with it, why text me throwing around decisions that have been made without any consultation. Certainly don't have both sides of the story. And at midnight! Secondly I don't agree (having now read the texts between the girls) that my DD is responsible. And finally is this favouritism? I asked the school to deal with an identical problem and heard nothing back. The woman who works there has used her position to demand a new skort. Don't know if this makes a difference but this is a private school. My DD has a scholarship as I could never afford to send her otherwise. I do feel like I am not in a position to rock the boat (I still pay 50%) but want to report her unprofessional behaviour to the school. and ask that if they want to demand it of me, they should demand it if the girl who took my DDs skirt. My DD is adamant that she told the girl that she didn't need her skorts (she definitely was wearing a skirt because I was mad she had lost it on this day and we have pictures from her with her brother). She is also adamant that she has seen this girl in the skorts since as this has only been raised this week. AIBU to think this mum is a Cheeky fucker. Her text was very conclusive. We have decided at the school you are to buy new skorts. We will of course return (not refund) the new skorts if the old ones turn up. We expect you to sort this out etc. Sorry it got long (and a bit first world problems) but I am furious

Nope, not from the head. Doesn't actually say it's from the head. He still doesn't know.

I am shocked that hM would respond so abruptly. The language is past tense. Has been dealt with. As far as he is concerned it is finished. DD is getting upset about it now so I will have to think about it today and what, if anything I do next. I would imagine there is a good relationship with the governors too so I don't think they are guaranteed to react appropriately or take a different position. They will back the head and the head has backed his staff. My concern is as per PP that they find a reason to withdraw DD scholarship and place at the school. I am absolutely gutted with his whole scenario. At the meeting g yesterday it was casually mentioned that PA and I are friends. I immediately shut that down and said there is no and never has been a friendship. Our daughters have gone to the same school and we have helped out with lifts to events or parties. But I'm no way shape or form have we ever been friends. If that is what she is telling him too then he is probably thinking this is personal. She has had three days to get her story across. I have had no chance to. A bit like her daughter told her side of the skorts and my DD has no chance to counter it. It certainly leaves a bad taste in my mouth. As I drive to work to earn the money to pay the fees (I still pay 50%) it sticks a bit.

I don't believe the head has seen this. CF has replied, not him.

it's not the HM, I'd stake my life on it. I know PA's, they have access to all their bosses emails. She's jumped in before he can respond.

I’d reply to that saying that you are really disappointed with the response you’ve received from him as for you it warranted a more personal approach, and CC A GOVENOR like I said 3 pages ago

Of course it’s the head the replied.

Nobody is foolish enough to construct an email and say it’s from the head of its not, that’s a sackable offence at least! Nobody would jeopardise their job in that way.

The heads response is very poor! I would absolutely ask for the complaints procedure and at least escalate it to the board.

Ido think it’s one of those things that you are either going to have to suck up or remove DD from the school. I know that’s shit and unfair but unfortunately the head and rest of the staff will side with the other teachers/staff so you never really stood a chance.

A very poor school though.

I would make sure I somehow spoke to him face to face. Either he doesn’t have the whole story or someone replied on his behalf.

HOLD THE PRESS! I have had another email from head. He acknowledges each item of my complaint. There is an apology and assurances that the PA has been dealt with. He will speak to her personally. Then he reassures that there will be no repeat of the action in the future.

I'm sorry your DD is upset. Maybe just don't speak about it again to her if possible? I know that's not easy but perhaps you can reassure her that it will all be fine and will be sorted out you're sure. She must be scared if she hears things like someone might lose their job etc etc. She might feel responsible and that is not nice for her at that age/any age. The other girls might take sides also. You have to reassure her and emphasise that this is not about the skort issue but the way complaints are handled at the school. How many pupils OP?

Does he refer to his 6:30am email in this one? But am pleased progress is being made. I'd still be tempted to engineer a meeting with him soon to "thank" him

How odd - it's like "someone" is reading our thread!

hmm, I am still sceptical that it's really him. I would reply saying thanks for the email but given how you have been messed around by several members of staff you would still appreciate a face-to-face meeting with him.

Oh! I do wonder if that section Nd email means the earlier abrupt one was not from him then?

yes - I wonder if either CF PA or one of her posse are reading this thread.

If they are - you know you're just digging yourselves in deeper here, don't you? You'll be lucky not to be clobbered with gross misconduct, trying to cover this up. And you'd deserve it.

Does a Deputy Head have access to a Head's emails I wonder?

You absolutely must go to the board of governors about this
you asked to see the head multiple times and you were denied access multiple times - that does not sit right at all

Hello ChickenPieBumFace, I have been following this thread and think you have handled the situation very well. I don't think I have been able to react so rationally!

I would suggest replying to his latest email by saying "thank you for your emails from 9am and 6.30am today" and whatever else you want to say. That way, if the 6.30am is not from him, he can talk to his PA about that too!

I am wondering if the first email was from the head but in great haste hence the abruptness. Then a better constructed one later on?

In any case, I would respond “thank you very much for your email. I am so glad you are aware of the situation. I would like to book in for 5 minutes of your time just to ensure all points are covered off. Would later on today suit?”

You have to see him as you dont know how this has been spun.

I couldn't believe someone would send an email from the heads account but does sure look that way now after the 9am email! Definitely shoehorn the earlier email in to a conversation as it's beyond anything reasonable if the pa or pastoral care deputy sent that.

that second email has almost confirmed the first one at 6.30 wasn’t him. different response, different tone. either that or little miss cf pa is reading this thread.

WTAF???

I really think you need to ask for a telephone conversation with the head, and explain that this is because the emails sent at 06:30 and 09:00 are completely different- therefore you want to ensure that you are in fact communicating with him and not AN Other.

The whole thing is just a monumental fuck up. They aren’t exactly covering themselves in glory.

My guess is both are from the PA.

I would be engineering a face to face meeting with the head now by just turning up in the car park with both the 6.30 and 9 am emails printed out and just ask him to confirm he sent those.

Anyone else think it odd that HM has dealt with this solely by email, refused face to face and no phone call apology? Could you follow up the latest email by phoning school and asking to speak to HM to "thank him for his emails". If you are again met by a barrier preventing you direct access to the head I would still be suspicious about who is behind the emails.

No decent HM would refuse request for a meeting with a parent or refuse phone calls when a complaint about a staff member is involved.

Impersonating the head would definitely be a sackable offence.

I was going to say that the email at 6.30 was just quick response from the head to say he had received the email etc shake he didn't confirm a more detailed response would be sent in due course.

PAs usually have access to read emails but not usually reply on behalf of so the chances of making the second response is slim.