Return of the awful school gate mum

[Winterfellwonderland]

Not sure if anyone read my previous thread about the women who wants me to be her nanny for free?

Today's encounter:
Frantic phone calls every 5mins from 8am this morning and I ignored them all. Got mine off to nursery, dropped DH off at station and got to the big school on time, this women comes running down the path to the school, face like thunder, the kids run off together and she turns to me, "I've been calling you all morning"
Me: I left my phone at home sorry, are you ok?
"No! Does it bloody look like I'm ok?"
Me: awkward laugh errrr what's wrong?
"My hairs still wet and I couldn't find my coat, im really tired and couldn't bring myself to come out, even thought of calling child in sick"
Me: awwwhh poor you

Yes she genuinely believes it's my responsibility to accommodate her in this way. Don't mind my kids and my own responsibilities, her needs are obviously my priority😬😬😬 she's really arsey and rude to me because I didn't help her!

Sorry I just wanted to vent this x

I'm surprised that the combination of her fury and hot air hadn't dried her hair for her.

I think ignoring the messages/calls is fine. Then if she asks why you haven't read them/answered the phone you get to say " Oh I never look at messages/answer calls at that time, too busy getting the DCs and myself ready to go out the door."

If she then asks again you can all jokey like say "No chance - hard enough getting my lot out the door at that time of the morning"

You don't have to be rude or have a confrontation.

Just say, 'I'm really sorry, but it isn't possible to help with the school run. Please stop asking as it's out of the question. Must dash. Bye.'

Then block.

Good god
Just be blunt, say no and offer no explanation

Don't beat around the bush!! Just say no! I'd laugh in someone's face if they did this to me...

To get rid of the CFers, you have to become one 😇

I would just continue to ignore and/or block.

She's completely self-absorbed and only sees the world from her own perspective. Anything you say will lead to her getting more and more unreasonably aggressive in my experience. Not your job to give her life lessons.

@tedandlola

brizzledrizzle

No Rousette it doesn’t mean you are to be rude if you have PND. What I am saying is if this mum has tried to suggest an arrangement for helping one another out and the OP has not been clear in her response it is very possible she has found the response so far to indicate she is willing to do a reciprocal arrangement and maybe in her knees right now.
When I couldn’t cope anymore I retreated in tears back home to my pit of a house and emotions and life was dreadfully bleak.
What I am suggesting here is instead of seeing her as a CF in the first instance is to maybe ask a simple compassionate question of “is everything alright” am definitely if not “I am unable to help but have you heard of such and such organisations who maybe able to help or sign list some help for you”

For my part since I have come out the other end of a 7 year living hell, I look to help anyone who seems to be having a hard time and where possible if something isn’t going to put me out that much then I will look to provide physical help and if it will I will try to advise them on what alternatives they could look into to get help.

It is a harsh world out there sometimes. I am not liking to excuse anyone’s rudeness, instead I look to see if someone is living a hell of an existence and if so look to help them out before they get to the brink of something worse.

Return of the awful school gate mum"

I'm not quite sure why you started a new thread on this, @Winterfellwonderland, when you appeared to abandoned the other thread, the same day that you started it (although you did post three times after the opening post).

After that first day, it appeared that you ignored everybody else's posts and suggestions, however people have continued to post on that thread (asking you what happened) right up to today.

So don't really understand why you're starting another one.

Is this the one with no kettle? The cheeky ducker next door?

I feel like the advice "just ignore her, ignore her calls" is bad advice. If you don't point out how fucked up her behaviour is she'll never know and keep behaving like this.

I'm not saying to aggressive, I'd just act confused and say something passive aggressive like "you need to get a childminder, I don't know why you're asking me to do things for you??? I have my own children?? I'm busy??" I'd just act really confused/baffled at the fact she thinks you should be doing stuff for her.

I'm sorry OP. I went through this kind of stuff too. For those who can't understand us not telling the person off, I envy you. I (and probably other who are pushovers on here) was raised to 'do as I was told' and to always be helpful (doormat). My father was aggressive and I grew up to be afraid of aggression. I was never taught coping skills, so I would protect myself by either complying or avoiding as best I could. It's very hard to unlearn this reaction when you have been conditioned for so long (and it was 70s/80s, so no internet assistance).

I did eventually learn, but am still more on the timid side. For me I would tell her that I no longer answer my phone in the mornings as it is too hectic (or even that I just turn the ringer off). I would find that easier to say, and she would know that no matter how many times she rings you are not going to answer.

Best of luck!

Just tell her, "Don't you have friends to help you with the school run?" "I am really tide up with my own DC and DH. DH got very angry when he had found out I was asked to help with school run as I hardly have any time for him.

I think you need to let her know, that you have no intention of helping her out, so she can stop wasting both her time and yours being so ridiculous!

This/\

Try saying can you give me £50 CF because I want to treat myself.
If she says no just say that you've had a really hard week and you think you deserve a treat.
Then tell her to put it in an envelope through your letterbox by lunchtime if she doesn't have the cash on her right now.

Some people are just CFs. My neighbour once asked if we could share our car for school run and work. They had one car but and us. My answer was that my DH would be very much against this idea. Never asked again.

@Queenofthedrivensnow

No, its the one with no hairdryer, no coat and no insight

Shes deluded if she thinks she has found a nanny in you...

The ignoring her is not working though.She is just going to get more aggressive.You need to text her and then say it to her you cant help her.

@delboysskinandblister bet it's the same person just a different neighbour posting :-)

Captainjack - I was also conditioned to be compliant by an aggressive dad, to walk on egg shells or face a beating. It made me go the other way as soon as I was free of him. I started to stand up for myself. I was born in 1965 so my childhood was pre-internet too. Just because your formative years were spent in a meek way doesn't mean you can't change later on. If people do find it so hard to say no to what are really strangers who are making totally unreasonable demands, assertiveness training would be on the top of my To Do list.

OP - if you really cannot tell the CF that you can't assist her (with no explanation) just block the number. Pointing her towards help etc is not your business and it is prolonging the connection.

I would have to tell her to fuck off.

If CF does have depression or similar issues, then she needs professional help. It’s not up to OP to take on the responsibility for CF’s mental health.

@Queenofthedrivensnow

Oh I don't doubt that...I bet she has a whole host of things missing...