Return of the awful school gate mum

[Winterfellwonderland]

Not sure if anyone read my previous thread about the women who wants me to be her nanny for free?

Today's encounter:
Frantic phone calls every 5mins from 8am this morning and I ignored them all. Got mine off to nursery, dropped DH off at station and got to the big school on time, this women comes running down the path to the school, face like thunder, the kids run off together and she turns to me, "I've been calling you all morning"
Me: I left my phone at home sorry, are you ok?
"No! Does it bloody look like I'm ok?"
Me: awkward laugh errrr what's wrong?
"My hairs still wet and I couldn't find my coat, im really tired and couldn't bring myself to come out, even thought of calling child in sick"
Me: awwwhh poor you

Yes she genuinely believes it's my responsibility to accommodate her in this way. Don't mind my kids and my own responsibilities, her needs are obviously my priority😬😬😬 she's really arsey and rude to me because I didn't help her!

Sorry I just wanted to vent this x

Winterfellwonderland

Please just keep it simple with her. Keep it short. Use the cracked record - repeat the same phrase - technique.

She is unreasonable. You cannot reason with her. She wants to draw you into a protracted argument wherein she will bully you and manipulate you. She knows you are an empathic person that is why she is feeding off you. She will exhaust you. By keeping involved with her you will wear yourself out.

Tell her, in the manner described above, "I am not sharing the school run". Do not explain why. Smile. Repeat "I am not sharing the school run". You can add "Do not ask me to pick up your child/ren" say no more Repeat, "I am not sharing etc....
After about 5 or 6 repeats, smile and walk away.
Do not discuss it with her. She is trying to torment you. She is totally unreasonable and very manipulative and a Narcissist. With such people conversation and explanations are not possible. Only non contact works. Please do this for your own sanity. Believe me. I do know.

I am curious to find out what you say / how she'll respond. Like others have said, she's toxic and you need as little contact as possible.

Is it just me, or has everyone been hoping that this Monday morning has been unusually stressful for OP's CF neighbour? I kind of want this woman sorted.

@RollaCola84

You are quite right, your suggestion rather than mine is the assertive one.

However, the way I phrased it is also a legitimate "No one likes to be seen (or overheard) to kick Bambi" approach. Appearance of conversation can be everything at school gate, as few people will know anyone well, nor the issues, unless you plan to spell it out to observers.

In high conflict situations, that quiet pause and "hurt shock" can be extremely effective as it leaves the person hanging /on the back foot amongst their peers, having been overheard as aggressive to your very soft but heard response as long as you swiftly walk away/disengage. It also doesn't create an opportunity for an equally assertive and manipulative response back. I deploy it rarely but it's in my varied toolkit of responses.

Of course it has to go alongside assertive "No's" "too busy to check phone" and ignoring CF othermum's texts.

Good on you for ignoring her. I agree with others I'd block her number on your phone...sounds like harassment continously phoning. I would also speak with the school to advise them of the situation and her thinking of just phoning the kids in sick. She either needs actual help as she's struggling or is a cheeky person who tries her luck until it runs out. Either way she needs support and the kids need safeguarding. The school should pick this up or contact social services as concern for welfare of her and kids

Did you see her today OP? What happened?

wow - avoid at all costs