Return of the awful school gate mum

[Winterfellwonderland]

Not sure if anyone read my previous thread about the women who wants me to be her nanny for free?

Today's encounter:
Frantic phone calls every 5mins from 8am this morning and I ignored them all. Got mine off to nursery, dropped DH off at station and got to the big school on time, this women comes running down the path to the school, face like thunder, the kids run off together and she turns to me, "I've been calling you all morning"
Me: I left my phone at home sorry, are you ok?
"No! Does it bloody look like I'm ok?"
Me: awkward laugh errrr what's wrong?
"My hairs still wet and I couldn't find my coat, im really tired and couldn't bring myself to come out, even thought of calling child in sick"
Me: awwwhh poor you

Yes she genuinely believes it's my responsibility to accommodate her in this way. Don't mind my kids and my own responsibilities, her needs are obviously my priority😬😬😬 she's really arsey and rude to me because I didn't help her!

Sorry I just wanted to vent this x

Send @bibliomania s textbtoday else you will end up facing this awful woman’s onslaught more and more.

@Winterfellwonderland my hair is still wet from the hairdressers and I'm really tired. Could you finish my work for for me please

People like that don't understand 'reasons'. You just have to say No. Not happening. Sort your own kids or tell the schoolGP/health visitor you're struggling.

OP how did the conversation end?

Some great ideas here.
I would continue to ignore her calls and if she challenges you again just say that you don't answer the phone when you are busy.

She should have spent time drying her hair and finding her coat rather than ringing you every 5 minutes. I love seeing people like this get wound up and self implode.

After she'd gone through the diatribe about her wet hair etc, I'd have been tempted to say "Oh dear, but why were you phoning me?" And then look extremely puzzled when she said she wanted you to take the kids before saying "But there wasn't any reason why you couldn't take them, was there?"

You don’t have to tell her to fuck off, but you can be assertive and say ‘sorry I can’t help you with that, I’ve got enough on my plate with getting all family to their various places’. You need to nip this in the bud properly.

Nip in bud definitely!

It doesn’t matter how. You can fumble over your words. Send a text if you like. Be polite but firm, but if it comes out rude, so be it.

The important thing is to say No. it’s harassment to phone you constantly but also shows that she thinks it’s okay on some level. Don’t give her any reason to think it’s okay.

I have looked in the threads but cannot see anything about this woman's partner. Where is he/she in this scenario?

Thanks everyone for the support

Her partner is a builder but I haven't really met him properly and have no idea where he fits in with the school runs etc

Me: awwwhh poor you

I wouldn’t give her any sympathy.

I’d have actually asked why she was ringing me as I’d told her before I couldn’t help.

Nip It In The Bud! Absolutely...... I had a CF when DD was young .... if I hadnt witnessed it with my own eyes I would have found it hard to believe.

She would send random text at 10pm at night saying - I cant pick xxx up from school tomorrow, so if you can get her Ill pick her up at 5. No asking if I could help, or she would return the favour.

I just explained I can do playdates occasionally, but I dont do childcare. And every time I told her to use after school club for the school.
And still she persisted. For 2 years.

I never blocked her as we used to all have a right old laugh about it. But it didnt mind how many times I said no, she still tried it on. In the end I twigged that her texted were almost randomly generic. No - "hi how are you - did you have a good weekend". And so I realised half the time, she was just spamming everyone she knew with them until some poor sap agreed.

Poor child. Worse thing was she was a SAHM with other kids, and I work full time with 2 DC and run my own business. Some people are relentless in their pursuit of their own needs.....

Just say no. I am beginning to wonder if the school should be aware.

I swear some people think others exist for their own convenience ! In the years before she retired my DM had someone (much younger, late 50s Mum, mid 30s CF) join her team who discovered they lived a few streets away.

She started saying "oh you could give me a lift to work on Friday as I'm going out with friends after" and other such nonsense. Other highlights were "your husband could come could and help us do some DIY at the weekend" and "you could mind our kids on Saturday so we can go out". The kids were primary school, never met my parents and my parents hadn't looked after children that age for twenty years !!

Just keeping saying no !

I doubt many people have actually tell people to fuck off in real life, however I remember you wouldn’t be direct in your op which does mean the drama continues .

I think the text telling her you are unable to do it is fair direct and polite. Seems no issue. If she challenges you I am focusing on my own family.

No use trying me love. I am already running dc2 to nursery and dh to the station. We'd all be late if I started doing your school run for you as well. Why do you keep asking me like its my responsibility to get your children to school?

ItsJustASimpleLine

You should of replied asking why was she ringing for a chat if she was already running late/behind this morning.

Inspired!

I would definitely nip this in the bud now by sending her a text. Just to make it clear and unambiguous that you are not Available to take her children to or from school, at all.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry you're struggling. You do know I'm not a childminder?"

Meh. Suggest a local 'parent-craft' class - you need to do it with a dead straight face though. Offer to get someone to give her a call about it......

‘Excuse me but why is getting your children to school my responsibility?’ And walk on.

I’d just raise my eyebrow and say ‘you want me to do what now? Did you thump your head or something?’ Walk off mutteringabout lazy and cheeky users.

I am always shocked just how many people find it hard to say no to things that are not convenient and go on to worry about other people's feelings. There are lots of CF threads on here, some of them just sharing the scenario and laughing about it for our mutual amusement and who have stopped the CF in their tracks.

But there are lots of OPs who start these threads who want advice on how to stop a CF in their tracks when a simple no will do. I am genuinely bemused in these type of scenarios when there is a lot of hand wringing and how do I deal with this?

I did not think I was a particularly assertive person but it seems I am made of titanium compared to a lot of people (mainly women). I didn't realise until joining MN just how much of a problem low self esteem and lack of assertiveness was in general life, although I do not seem to meet people with such low self esteem in real life.

As somebody said, on either this thread, or the linked one, we have only got so many hours in a lifetime. Why would you even give headspace to somebody who is trying to steal your time so they can get more for themselves?