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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Return of the awful school gate mum

258 replies

Winterfellwonderland · 18/01/2019 12:45

Not sure if anyone read my previous thread about the women who wants me to be her nanny for free?

Today's encounter:
Frantic phone calls every 5mins from 8am this morning and I ignored them all. Got mine off to nursery, dropped DH off at station and got to the big school on time, this women comes running down the path to the school, face like thunder, the kids run off together and she turns to me, "I've been calling you all morning"
Me: I left my phone at home sorry, are you ok?
"No! Does it bloody look like I'm ok?"
Me: awkward laugh errrr what's wrong?
"My hairs still wet and I couldn't find my coat, im really tired and couldn't bring myself to come out, even thought of calling child in sick"
Me: awwwhh poor you

Yes she genuinely believes it's my responsibility to accommodate her in this way. Don't mind my kids and my own responsibilities, her needs are obviously my priority😬😬😬 she's really arsey and rude to me because I didn't help her!

Sorry I just wanted to vent this x

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 18/01/2019 14:24

Continue to ignore OP, I recall your previous Thread, she's a cheeky mare indeed Grin

WhatchaMaCalllit · 18/01/2019 14:25

I've just read the other thread and now this one and if you think that ignoring her is going to make the problem go away, I think you're going to be surprised at the stamina that some of these CF have.

If you do think that ignoring is the way to go, then when she asks for your help, be very very enthusiastic in having to hand the name and number of a local registered child minding service and say "I've been meaning to say something to you so it is very fortunate that you've approached me again on this. I can't help you out but I've found the name of this child minding service that I think would be of terrific use to you, here you go. Now, I've got to go so it was lovely seeing you again, bye" and walk away having given her a flyer/piece of paper that has the details and leave her to it!

justilou1 · 18/01/2019 14:28

Maybe you should ask why she doesn't like her children....

bibliomania · 18/01/2019 14:33

Hi OP, I don't think you need to say it rudely. You could text to say "Hey x, following on from this morning, I think it's best for me to be clear that I won't be able to help out with your dcs. Just wanted to let you know so you don't have the frustration of trying to ring me*.

If she argues back, then feel free to ignore.

LetsSplashMummy · 18/01/2019 14:34

Ignoring isn't going to work, you'll need to be clearer. After 2 calls, text and say "too busy right now, I'll be able to chat at 10am," or something to stop the calls. Then when you see her, you have to ask why she was calling and make it obvious that it isn't reasonable "is that it? I thought something serious must have happened. I can't see why you'd call me instead of looking for your coat." You need to act surprised and emphasise your boundaries.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 18/01/2019 14:34

You should of replied asking why was she ringing for a chat if she was already running late/behind this morning.

MsPavlichenko · 18/01/2019 14:34

It is not rude to say No to a request politely. You don't need to give reasons either.

In fact I think you would be helping in this situation by being clear and direct. You can't do this ( don't apologise) and smile. If she continues a short text to remind her you can't do it and then ignore.

Aquilla · 18/01/2019 14:37

On the plus side I enjoyed both your threads, OP!

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2019 14:38

Exactly, you are going to have to say no I cannot take and pick up your kids in the morning, I am busy as it is, and delete and block her number, she is not your friend.

SuePerb · 18/01/2019 14:39

It's not rude to say no, I can't do any school runs for you. If you're not brave enough to do that to her face, send her a text to that effect, and then block her.

I'm a complete people pleaser and I'd say no!

Pigflewpast · 18/01/2019 14:41

Hi OP, I don't think you need to say it rudely. You could text to say "Hey x, following on from this morning, I think it's best for me to be clear that I won't be able to help out with your dcs. Just wanted to let you know so you don't have the frustration of trying to ring me.

If she argues back, then feel free to ignore.*

This from bibliomania is perfect. Polite but firm.

Pigflewpast · 18/01/2019 14:42

Mmm but my bolding isn’t perfect😳

Butterfly84 · 18/01/2019 14:54

I agree with @bibliomania. Send somthing like that.

This mum is being weird and unreasonable. She's probably treating you like this OP because she thinks you'll just roll over and do it.

AllMYSmellySocks · 18/01/2019 14:58

Hey x, following on from this morning, I think it's best for me to be clear that I won't be able to help out with your dcs. Just wanted to let you know so you don't have the frustration of trying to ring me.

I think this is perfect. Polite, succinct and to the point. Never ever get dragged in to justifying why you can't in specific terms. If she asks "I'm busy with my own family", "It's personal", "It doesn't work for me". Repeat ad infinitum never, ever start with specifics.

dustarr73 · 18/01/2019 15:03

Hey x, following on from this morning, I think it's best for me to be clear that I won't be able to help out with your dcs. Just wanted to let you know so you don't have the frustration of trying to ring me.

Was coming on to say that.I think you need to get in first and just be outstraight.

Text her tonight when kids are in bed,just tell her her kids are not your problem.Dont give excuses or say you will in emergency help her.

But i think you need to say it to the school,just give them a heads up.

LoisWilkerson1 · 18/01/2019 15:04

Did you know I have children too cf? Hmm Some people!

ChrisjenAvasarala · 18/01/2019 15:12

So instead of getting herself ready, she sat there repeatedly calling you. Then has to do a mad dash to get them to school. Well, maybe after a few more times of the same thing happening she will learn her lesson! Just be prepared for the same at home time and keep up the good work!

BerylStreep · 18/01/2019 15:18

Her outburst this morning has given you the perfect opportunity to assert yourself. The suggested message below is great.

CSIblonde · 18/01/2019 15:24

I remember the other thread. She obviously has to have a a convenient mug to do any 'stuff' she doesn't fancy doing. Avoid like the plague!

minipie · 18/01/2019 15:28

I’d be inclined to go passive aggressive

“Oh dear, you do seem to be struggling with the school run. If it’s that hard for you to get out of the house, do you think you should speak to your GP or social services?”

2kidsand1cat · 18/01/2019 15:29

Sorry to read you are a victim of a very toxic mum. If you just ignore her she will continue calling you and expecting your help. I don't even understand how you would have helped her with her hair, though but ... you need to tell her that your problems are not your responsibility. Good luck!

Sicario · 18/01/2019 15:41

Cheeky, entitled, thick-skinned cow.
The text suggested by @bibliomania is bang-on perfect.

nothinglikeadame · 18/01/2019 15:43

And, like most posters who have a toxic friend/colleague/fellow school mum, you do not have to offer an explanation for you not wanting to help them or be their friend.

Life is too short.

billybagpuss · 18/01/2019 15:44

I assume of course you regularly phone her when you 'can't find your shoes' 'have lost the kids hairbrush' etc. etc.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 18/01/2019 15:49

I think the best way to deal with people like this is not to make excuses and just state the truth. "Why didn't you answer my calls" "because I assumed you were wanting help again and I don't want to do it. "