Return of the awful school gate mum

[Winterfellwonderland]

Not sure if anyone read my previous thread about the women who wants me to be her nanny for free?

Today's encounter:
Frantic phone calls every 5mins from 8am this morning and I ignored them all. Got mine off to nursery, dropped DH off at station and got to the big school on time, this women comes running down the path to the school, face like thunder, the kids run off together and she turns to me, "I've been calling you all morning"
Me: I left my phone at home sorry, are you ok?
"No! Does it bloody look like I'm ok?"
Me: awkward laugh errrr what's wrong?
"My hairs still wet and I couldn't find my coat, im really tired and couldn't bring myself to come out, even thought of calling child in sick"
Me: awwwhh poor you

Yes she genuinely believes it's my responsibility to accommodate her in this way. Don't mind my kids and my own responsibilities, her needs are obviously my priority😬😬😬 she's really arsey and rude to me because I didn't help her!

Sorry I just wanted to vent this x

You just need to be firm and tell her you cant help her out with childcare as you are too way too busy with your own children etc.
Just tell her straight and say she needs to pay for a childminder.

So she just wants someone at he rbeck & call when she cba?

You probably did as well with your reply tbh.

If you'd said "so" or "how is that my problem" she'd more than likely have had a comeback!

I do love that middle-age has made me a bit bolshy and a bit less eager to please. I still struggle with telling anyone outright that I think they are being cheeky but I no longer feel the need to please people all the time.
I go with “I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me” and if I asked why I say “I’d rather not go into it. It’s personal”. That shuts most people up as it leaves little room for CF manoeuvres.

Yeah I find it odd you haven’t said “Oh will you fuck off?” and smirked at her shocked face.

What a dick, and a big CF, I would delete and block her number.

Just tell her "No, your children are your responsibility, not mine, so don't ask me again".

If she gets arsey and doesn't want to be your friend after that then surely she is no sad loss.

Yes to deleting and blocking her number. She won't stop otherwise.

Pick ups - can’t tonight, we are going straight out
Drop offs - Too busy

Easy!

I think she's just a pusher, pushes her luck as much as possible.

She's a bulldozer. She does not care what you say or do she keeps on coming at you and at you and at you, in the hopes she gets you to do what she wants.

I bet she woulden't do the same for you, I think others are getting fed up now, and she is looking for new mugs.

Absolutely block her. That many calls could be seen as harassment.

I would also speak to school. This situation would probably be added to her DC’s file as a safeguarding concern. I know that at our school lack of supervision on the journey to and from school for young children IS noted as a safeguarding concern.

They will also most likely be aware of this parent. If you look on your school’s complaints policy you should find a bit about ‘unreasonably persistent complainants’. If this parent falls into this category, your experience could be useful.

You also need to let them know that you are NOT an emergency contact for her DCs.

Even if she isn’t a ‘known parent’ at school, I’m sure they would rather you raised these concerns.

I think "No because I am not a childminder" should be enough tbh.

Tbh you need to be mentioning this to the head. I suspect there are other concerns.

The thing these CF’s don’t seem to get is that they may actually have a genuine emergency one day and you’ll be ignoring her calls because apparently wet hair and tiredness (that’s about half the school run parents, if not more?) requires urgent help.

She's batshit

Block her number?

If you can't face a striaght no, try turning your refusal into a favour to her. 'Oh no, I can't commit to that. We're so busy and running around, I couldn't make that promise. I'd hate to let you down. No.'

If she pushes it 'No, I just can't commit. Your best bet would be to get a childminder in, then you've got a proper set arrangement. If you look on the county council website they'll have a list. Sure you'll find one! Anyway, must run - loads to do today!' And flee!

Be firm, leave no room to be talked around and DO NOT SAY SORRY (eg, if she say 'Oh, I don't mind if you can't sometimes...' You reply, in yoir most decisive tone, 'No, I just won't feel comfortable like that. You need someone guaranteed.') But it's sort of skewed into you being helpful, without actually helping the cheeky madam out.

I'm not going to tell her to fuck off because that's rude and insensitive which I guess is what she is....
I just feel that ignoring her sends a better message... I.e.why didn't you answer my calls..... Err because I'm busy? I am uncomfortable with blatant rudeness I do feel she doesn't seem to cope very well with the logistics of having kids I do think she needs help from.a nanny or childminder.

Then try something sympathetic but closed ended like 'oh I know it's not easy when it's all go, it took me a while to get into a routine that works, I'm sure you'll get there soon!'

I wouldn’t actually say fuck off myself tbh, but I’d definitely be more assertive with her, she needs telling you have your own life and things to deal with. I’d find her way too irritating.

She is obviously a very CF but I do really understand why OP is uncomfortable with being rude. It does sound as though this woman is struggling with her mental health or otherwise and though she is obviously going about it in totally the wrong way, it may be that this behaviour should be taken as a cry for help, at least for her childrens' sake. Not saying OP should give in to constant demands but just that I understand why sometimes people want to perform little kindnesses for others who may be struggling.

i do feel she doesn’t seem to cope very well with the logistics of having kids

Very probably true. And another reason to approach school.

I'd have a quiet word with school. Just it seems she not coping and they can maybe just keep an eye out for the kids. Not thinking anything bad, but if the kids are getting in trouble for not getting homework done or being late they are maybe more aware that mum seems to be struggling a bit type thing.

But she clearly is barking. You do get people who seem to think life needs to revolve around them don't you.

Off to read original thread now before picking my lot up 😂

Op just delete and block her, maybe mention to the headteacher or teacher that X does seem to be struggling.

I think you’ve got your answer the op.

No I’m afraid I can’t help out. You look stressed, can I suggest you need the help of a childminder or nanny

OP I think you don't like confrontation (and rudeness) and so are uncomfortable telling this woman to her face how unreasonable her behaviour is. The trouble is she doesn't take a hint and if you want to stop her continuing to haunt you, you will either have to be more direct with her or ghost her, which is also rude.

Could you possibly do this over text? Tell her that as she seems to have trouble coping she should look into getting a childminder, but that you will not be able to help her further since you have your own responsibilities and can't take on any of hers. Make it a kind and caring text while still disengaging?