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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

apparently I nag

122 replies

NelC86 · 17/01/2019 22:22

My other half is amazing, very laid back and a very hands on father to our 4 month old daughter, he’s always been ‘i’ll Do it later’ but it’s got to the point where I’m really getting frustrated, I will ask numerous times to help as our daughter is very needy, it’s little things like take out the rubbish or put the washing in the basket(I’ll wash it and ask for help putting away), put your dirty clothes in the basket, generally tidy up after himself along with help with the basic running of the house diy, stuff I can’t do but been asking for since June btw he’s a tradesman and I only want minimal things doing . We end up arguing as he says I’m nagging but I end up asking 5-6 times before he will do something. I will add he wasn’t like this before the baby, any advice?

OP posts:
Silkie2 · 17/01/2019 22:24

What are his 'amazing' features?

Reaa · 17/01/2019 22:25

I would not nag, if you did what I asked, the first time of asking.

Original poster
NelC86 · 17/01/2019 22:26

He’s very caring towards our daughter and me on most occasions, very understanding but too laid back

OP posts:
Original poster
NelC86 · 17/01/2019 22:29

That’s my thinking, he can be forgetful but he tends to use it as an excuse, I ask and say can you do such a thing and he’ll say yeah later I will ask later and it’s always later until he strops. I do as much as I can but the problem is we live in the middle of no where and it’s easier for him on his way to and from work

OP posts:
buckeejit · 17/01/2019 22:31

He's actually a fucking lazy fucker. Tell him if he doesn't do the things needed this weekend that you'll get someone in & pay for it. Then follow through. Don't wash his laundry etc until he does what's needed. What if you didn't do what was needed for the family?

I hate it when men complain about nagging. Do you think you both give 50/50 to your family?

I recommend the book 'how not to hate your husband after having kids'

Lifeisnotsimple · 17/01/2019 22:32

This is a hard one, someone told me once men dont see the washing, mess etc. So what do u do. Me and other half argue so much over chores. I explain each and everytime why im asking but end up doing it myself, the only positive is he is getting better over the yrs.

Silkie2 · 17/01/2019 22:33

Is he sitting about while you do house/baby work?

HeathRobinson · 17/01/2019 22:35

I'm not seeing the 'amazing'...

tiggerkid · 17/01/2019 22:47

He’s very caring towards our daughter and me on most occasions

And he expresses that by postponing everything you find stressful and then calling you a nag?

PregnantSea · 17/01/2019 22:54

My DH is a bit like this, but it seems to depend on his mood...

Anyway my DH wants more babies already and I find that simply telling him that I will not have more children with him until his behaviour improves helps... For about 2 days. And then it goes back to the way it was and I'm picking up after him like he's a 5 year old again.

Sorry I can't offer any more helpful advice but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in having this problem!

OnlyaMan · 17/01/2019 23:38

So many wives (and probably men/husbands/whatever) want their partners to do what they are told to do, right now, without exception. Delay is not acceptable. Disagreement is inconceivable.
I think "Nag" is not an unreasonable comment.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 18/01/2019 00:07

He might be lazy but you are nagging him. Repeatedly telling someone to do something until it is done is the definition of nagging.

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 18/01/2019 00:39

You wouldn't nag if he actually did stuff without asking. I hate the term nagging - just stop being a lazy bastard then.

OP, I found having kids highlighted what I hadn't noticed before because I just did it without thinking but when you have a baby to care for as well, it gets too much.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/01/2019 00:59

Amazing? Really? You shouldn't have to nag a grown man. I have NEVER had to nag my husband to do what needs to be done. Not once.

You are married to a man child.

MrsTerryPratcett · 18/01/2019 01:04

'Nag' is a nasty and sexist word meant to shut women up and stop them asking for what they need. It's banned in my house, along with other misogynist words.

You need him to put his own dirty clothes in a basket so YOU can wash them. Clear up after HIMSELF. With a 4 month baby. You're not nagging, you're requesting the absolute bare minimum.

SoyDora · 18/01/2019 01:36

someone told me once men dont see the washing, mess etc

Which is absolute bollocks. They see it, they’d just rather not do anything about it. DH manages to see the washing and the mess and do something about it, because he’s not a lazy git.
Nagging is a word used to shut women up when they’re asking their partners to pull their weight.

OnlyaMan · 18/01/2019 01:41

Nag' is a nasty and sexist word meant to shut women up and stop them asking for what they need. It's banned in my house, along with other misogynist words.
Your house sounds a lot of fun. What else is "banned" in it?

Disquieted1 · 18/01/2019 01:50

If you see something that needs doing and it's important to you, then do it. If you need help then ask.
Why ask him to take out the rubbish when you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
The same applies to him. If he wants, say, a shirt ironing, he is perfectly capable of doing it himself if it's important to him.
It really doesn't have to be so complicated.

13thWarriorWitch · 18/01/2019 01:52

Nag? Ffs. You shouldn't even have to ASK. He is purportedly an adult with eyes and a brain in his head and thus perfectly capable of seeing and working out what needs doing all by himself.

Maybe you should point this out to him.

MrsTerryPratcett · 18/01/2019 01:55

Your house sounds a lot of fun. What else is "banned" in it?

You.

TanteRose · 18/01/2019 01:58

oooh Mrs TP, I guess you didn't sit on your hands like I did...Wink

MrsTerryPratcett · 18/01/2019 01:58

Why ask him to take out the rubbish when you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself?

Did you miss the bit about HIS dirty clothes and HIS mess? Or did you edit that out because it would have made you look a bit like an apologist for a useless git?

MrsTerryPratcett · 18/01/2019 02:00

Tante I've had a bad day.

Grin
TanteRose · 18/01/2019 02:00

OP you need to sit down with your DP and spell out what needs to be done. He is being very unfair to you.
If he is reasonable, he will try to understand why this is frustrating for you, and if he loves you, he will try and make it less frustrating for you.