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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

645 replies

Tink2007 · 17/01/2019 17:38

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 17/01/2019 17:42

YANBU, I think there had to be a judgement call. Lots of girls will just skive off saying they have their period but in your daughter's case she had a valid reason and doesn't have form for this and had a note from her mum so should have been left in peace.

superram · 17/01/2019 17:46

Tennis players win Wimbledon on their period. It sets a bad example. She should do pe.

Original poster
Tink2007 · 17/01/2019 17:48

superram If you had read my post you will have seen that she DOES usually do PE whilst on her period. This is the first time she hasn’t as she came on yesterday and was heavy enough this morning to feel uncomfortable to do it today.

OP posts:
Chinks123 · 17/01/2019 17:49

On my heaviest days there is no way I could have done pe, and actually got sent home from school after a teacher forced me to do so resulting in blood trickling down my legs in front of everyone while I was playing rounders. I had cramps and had to change my pad every hour on my heavy days, so yes it can be “that bad.” Some women do get much heavier flows than others, so shouldn’t really judge just because some are fine to do sports.

Biancadelrioisback · 17/01/2019 17:49

I would be furious about her physically pulling your DD. I don't think there is any reason to do that to someone unless that person is in danger. Perhaps arrange a meeting with her so you can set this straight. If that doesn't work, take it further.

If I relied only on my own experience of periods, I would say of course she could have done PE, however, as a grown woman, I understand that different women experience different symptoms and have different flows. Perhaps she needs this explaining to her...

Ollivander84 · 17/01/2019 17:49

YANBU. I've had periods where I've needed two pads or been gushing every time I stand up, my mum always happily wrote me a note and would have gone ballistic
What if she had made her and then she fainted or flooded and leaked?

needanappp · 17/01/2019 17:49

I completely get it and if she doesn't usually miss the lesson I can't see the harm but if it was simply due to the heaviness could she not have changed her sanitary products directly before and after the lesson maybe? If you'd have put a note in asking for that I can't imagine they could refuse, that would be awful!

PossiblyPFB · 17/01/2019 17:50

I’m afraid I think YABU- in the nicest possible way could you help equip and empower her in a way that allows her to to take part? There are many solutions, including leak-proof pants that can be life-changing and give real confidence for someone suffering from a heavy period.

Personally I have always suffered from terribly heavy periods and never missed PE, in fact managed to train extensively as was a competitive athlete.

Your daughter is saying she’s uncomfortable - and that’s understandable, I’m not saying she’s not well within her rights to be wary of bleeding through as this is all newish to her still- but just equip and reassure her so she’s not sidelined. It’s a slippery slope for the other girls who might take advantage in my view.

Hope you get it sorted OP!

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 17/01/2019 17:50

My school never allowed opt out due to periods..
Dd's havent started yet, all pe teachers are male. Cant imagine them handing a note.

mayathebeealldaylong · 17/01/2019 17:52

My ds was off most of last week due to asthma and I wrote a letter and they told him he had to still put his kit on and do light PE. But I didn't send his kit and I didn't want him doing PE, because going back and forth to lesson and him still not being well I expect him to sit out.

OfDragonsDeep · 17/01/2019 17:52

YANBU, I can’t believe PE teachers are still doing this crap.

I remember my first PE lesson in high school, the teacher said ‘I don’t accept excuses for colds and I don’t accept excuses for period pains’ Confused ....ok then

Just lead to me having the whole day off instead. Luckily my mum was sympathetic.

Noshana · 17/01/2019 17:52

My two dds go to a girls’ school - periods aren’t a permitted excuse for not doing PE.

The school rule is - if you’re well enough to be in school, you’re well enough to do PE.

Frogsareawesome · 17/01/2019 17:53

Agree with Smellysocks.

Plus tennis players can choose not to have periods by taking the pill or other tablets to delay their period. A 12 year old doesn't really have that choice.

Original poster
Tink2007 · 17/01/2019 17:54

PossiblyPFB I take your points on board but as I previously said, she hasn’t taken time off from PE for her periods (or before she started them). This is the first instance.

If she doesn’t feel comfortable doing PE whilst her flow was that heavy, it would be wrong of me as her mother to force her to do something she felt uncomfortable doing, no? Obviously this is within reason but given that she always wants to do PE, my judgement was for her to have come to me and said she didn’t feel comfortable in doing it made me feel that this was one of those times that I couldn’t dictate her choice.

OP posts:
PossiblyPFB · 17/01/2019 17:58

Yes- To be fair on you this is the first time it’s happened for her so that’s a totally fair point!

As you know how the school has / will deal with it (and not saying teacher jerking her around is ok actually...) then perhaps you can prepare a little pack for her with some leakproof pants etc which she can use if she finds herself in this situation again? That might help! Smile

Luglio · 17/01/2019 17:58

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DayManChampionOfTheSun · 17/01/2019 18:00

I don't think yabu but this thread has reminded me of the 6 month periods my friends and I had at school to get out of swimming.

My teacher would say 'you were on last week and the week before, I'm not falling for this again' and we would smirk and say 'go on then, check!'

God we were proper arseholes

Original poster
Tink2007 · 17/01/2019 18:00

Luglio Well that would be an odd thing to do seeing as my daughter loves PE but thank you for your ever helpful input 👍🏻

OP posts:
Toastedstrudel · 17/01/2019 18:00

YABU. As PP said, well enough for school, well enough for PE. You cannot expect to pick and choose what lessons you feel comfortable with that day.
Saying this as someone who suffered horribly heavy periods at that age and had to learn to manage.
Absolutely not unreasonable for teachers to make her participate, same as if she’d sat and refused to do maths or geography etc

Original poster
Tink2007 · 17/01/2019 18:02

And don’t get me wrong, I know there will be girls who totally abuse the system to get out of PE week in, week out. Period one week, busted ankle the next week etc. I watched my friends do it so assume it’s still the same now too.

OP posts:
Acitywallandatrampoline · 17/01/2019 18:02

I personally don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I hate this attitude of ' well if professionals can do it '.... That is their job and presumably their choice. I had horrific pains and heavy flow as a teen. I did PE when I was fine, but if I felt awful, I didn't. Why is it seen as ok to force children into physical activity when they feel awful? I don't understand that attitude at all.

Original poster
Tink2007 · 17/01/2019 18:05

ToastedStrudel In fairness in maths and geography you aren’t chasing back and forth for a shuttlecock and in those lessons you have access to your bag to obtain your sanitary wear to change should you need to.

There is no access to the locker rooms once they are locked for the duration of the lesson and the shorts do not have pockets for her to put a sanitary towel in.

And again, as mentioned above, this is the first time she has asked to not do PE because of her period.

OP posts:
Chinks123 · 17/01/2019 18:07

It’s not the same as sitting and participating in other lessons either really. Pe usually involves running/jumping/ some form of exercise which made my flow worse.

School at all can be difficult on a period, I remember a girl being made to stand up and present something and she was pleading that she couldn’t. When the teacher forced her up we all saw her chair was covered in blood and she’d been too embarrassed to move as she was sat to a boy.

Spunkymonkey2019 · 17/01/2019 18:09

At school I never took a pe lesson off for my periods, however they weren’t that heavy then. Many friends did have heavy periods and would sit out, even without a note, they would just explain to our teacher and she would let people sit on the side. If my periods where anywhere as heavy as they were when I got to 20 I would have really struggled.

ilovesooty · 17/01/2019 18:10

Get that bitch the sack

Congratulations OP on your dignified response to that stupidity. And no, I don't think yabu.