AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

[Tink2007]

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

Pulling her is bang out of order. Persuading her to do a bit of gentle returning of shuttlecock I could live with, the pulling would get the teacher an immediate meeting with angry parent, quite rightly.

Personally I have always suffered from terribly heavy periods and never missed PE, in fact managed to train extensively as was a competitive athlete.

Wow, that's absolutely amazing. When I suffered from terribly heavy periods I would flood through the largest tampon, double towels and clothing every 30-40 minutes. And that was when I was stationary as the shaking of the 'shock' meant that movement made me dizzy. You must tell me how you managed to train with the 'liver lumps' sliding down your legs - unless of course you are going to admit that 'heavy periods' means different things to different people.

Let her miss if she really needs to, but if it's so heavy at her age that she can't manage an hour, I would ask the GP for help.

Tennis players win Wimbledon on their period.

How can you possibly know that?

As far as I'm concerned, if I instruct the school to excuse my DC from PE, for whatever reason (and tbh I don't think I need to explain - it's my judgement) then I would not expect my instructions to be ignored, and I would hit the bloody roof with them.

FFS why can't some people understand their own experience of periods is not universal

And it's a PE lesson, not Wimbledon finals!

My DD (13) started a few months ago. She is next due on next week but is already looking pale, her back is aching, her skin is suffering and this is a week before she even starts

If she asked me for a note to be excused from PE, too right I'd give it to her

Anyone who hasn't had heavy hourly changes with flooding is lucky. Pre hysterectomy (for this exact life debilitating reason, fainting, blood transfusions, etc) I wouldn't want to get out of a chair too quickly let alone put pe shorts on and run around.

Tink, I think your plan to speak to the school is perfectly reasonable and your daughter is lucky to have you sticking up for her

One assumes they announce it soup

Very well done serena on winning wimbledon

Thanks for that...and even better I WAS ON MY PERIOD!!! I ROCK!!!

I dont watch wimbledon so i might not have the wording exactly right

Popcornwizard Your lumps of liver comment is the same as what my Nanna used to say.

This is the first month she has had a period flow that heavy at the beginning.

YANBU if it was not a regular occurrence and was just due to the heaviness of the flow on this occasion I think that is a valid reason. We all need to stop pretending that everyones periods are the same and that some periods dont make it a struggle to do physical activity. Its total bollocks that being on your period never affects you in any way unless it's an illness that you gave associated with it. I have had the odd randomly horrific period every now and then in my life despite not having a medical problem. They are not always predictable and you shouldn't have to miss a day of learning because of them when you are capable of learning but not okay to do strenuous exercise. Surely in this day and age we can stop all this denial of the existence of periods?

popcorn I use the heaviest tampax and towel and change them every hour. If they are heavier than that, then GP needs to be involved.

So girls want to skive off PE. So what? If they made it more enjoyable, they wouldn't want to get out of it.

Yeah wait till those with heavy periods go through your peri menopause. Heavy doesn't begin to describe it. But still have to work, etc.

I think if your DD usually is happy to take part but today had a note, the teacher should have cut her some slack.

Flooding is embarrassing and so uncomfortable and the last thing she wants is to be jumping around. We're not all like the tampax girl in white shorts on a bike when we're on. Sometimes you just need to sit it out

My dd was asked to "give it a go" last week when she told her teacher she was feeling really wobbly during day 1 of her period. She did try and as her teacher put it "turned very grey" and passed out, hitting her head in the process. Caused quite a scene I'm told. She's only 11 and struggling with low blood pressure during periods.

School were so apologetic, phoned me twice since and have reviewed their pe policy. I have been v impressed with their response.

I hated PE and particularly outdoor swimming. My school report commented that I seemed to have a fair few periods a month ( forged letters )

Yeah wait till those with heavy periods go through your peri menopause. Heavy doesn't begin to describe it. But still have to work,

The 13 year old hopefully has a while before menapause

At that point she may be able to deal with it, her periods could have changed or she will be able to access a toilet and sanitary pads

I agree with the comments about making PE less tortuous in general, so that there will not be teenage girls claiming periods to get out of PE. Part of this should be the clothing that they wear.

Not acceptable and I'd complain. By all means look into some of the other options people have mentioned for managing very heavy flow, for the future, but be clear that this wasn't appropriate. It isn't for someone with no medical training to override your decision about whether she's well enough.

And if your daughter is not usually one to give excuses to get out of it, how school intend to manage those who do isn't something that's relevant in this case. It simply isn't something you need to worry about.

Excellent points there also from Anouk.

Anoukspirit is right. If PE is mandatory, then they need to make adjustments to enable girls who have heavy periods to take part all month round.

So, access to more private changing rooms, access to lockers and/or pockets to put sanitary protection in, being able to wear leggings or jogging bottoms to feel more protected.

It would take nothing other than a positive wish to enable girls to comfortably participate to establish an area in the sports hall where girls can leave named bags with sanitary protection in which they should be able to access without having to ask whenever they need.

Girls should also be permitted to reduce their effort level if it's causing them pain.

I really sympathise with your dd OP.
My period could be so heavy some months it made me vomit. I regularly fainted and generally found ages 12-14 hard. I remember not going to the end of year school dance because of stomach pains, and hated PE.
The teachers behaviour was wrong, and it’s a shame she can’t afford your dd some empathy.
It may be worth a trip to the GP to see if there is anything they can do to help your dd.

Wow I despair of this place sometimes.

YANBW. At all.

She had a note from her parent saying she wasn't doing PE. So she wasn't doing it. End of.

I'd be absolutely livid. You should take this further for sure.

I was made to do PE when I sheepishly asked to opt out because I had bled into my athletics shorts noticeably.

That was a good 21ish years ago. A few years back they diagnosed me with Endometriosis, which explains why I have such pain, immense buckets of blood coming out and that general feeling of extreme discomfort from it feeling like your insides are coming out your vagina.

You learn coping mechanisms as you get older but at 13 it's enough just getting used to it. I don't think the head PE teacher handled this right

I’m nearly 30. Have never had heavy periods but I’ll skip the gym if I’m on Day1/2, I just feel too grim. I can go to work and write at a desk but running about is just too much. Thankfully school was pretty decent back in the day but (because of this?) we didn’t take the piss.

Interestingly I did have an all day training session a few months on day 1 when the facilitator insisted we spend all afternoon standing up as it ‘helped encourage our thinking’. After about an hour of standing with cramps I turned around and told her I was grabbing a chair and why. But I’m a bolshy adult. There’s no way I’d have been bold enough for that as a meek teen.

YANBU. It's only PE and doesn't matter. Speak to the head and say you don't want to keep her off all day but that's what you will do if the PE teacher tries to insist again.

general feeling of extreme discomfort from it feeling like your insides are coming out your vagina

Yes its that awful 'heavy' feeling