AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

[Tink2007]

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

I feel for both

PE teachers must get bloody annoyed this this excuse

And young girls do have very heavy and painful periods . As a heavy bleeder myself I remember the pain and dizziness as a teen

greenpop21

How dismissive. You have no idea how OPs daughter felt today. Life does go on, you're right, but a PE lesson doesn't have to.

I used to have to go and lie down in sick bay at school with horrendous period pain - lived out in the sticks so had no way to go home. There is no way I could have done PE. It's not that goddamn important anyway! I think if the parent sends a note to the teacher, that should be the end of the matter!

but a heavy period isn’t an illness or a medical condition

No, it's a part of life that 50% of the population experiences, and yet apparently we shouldn't even attempt to accommodate!

Empowering for a girl to miss out on sports due to a period? How ironic .

OP didn't ask for opinions on whether her daughter could've done PE.

Here’s how it went when my DD started periods at primary

Me: DD has started her periods
Staff: no problem, does she want to do PE? No problem if not.

Here’s how it went at secondary (DD has had some problems)

Me: DD has x prob, we’re waiting to see a GP when she’s had 12 months of periods
Staff: no problems, no need for notes - she just needs to mention if she doesn’t feel up to PE.

Yanbu

All those saying 'well I get heavy periods and I manage to go roller skating in white shorts!', well good for you.

The op's DD is a young girl with none of the confidence that age brings in these situations. My DD is 13 and really struggles to discuss periods full stop never mind have to deal with a teacher minimising her discomfort and fears.

And well enough for school does not always equate to well enough for PE.

It's my opinion and it's what OP asked for

Was it? I only saw the 'AIBU for being annoyed?' With regards to the teachers handling of the situation. Apologies if I've missed the bit where opinions on whether she should do PE or not were asked for.

This is the second thread about periods i have read that people have been unsympathetic and had the attitutde "well we have to do it....", "professionals do it". Its a terrible attitude.

We as adults have had years to get used to our periods, find out what works best/how to excerise comfortabley if we want to etc! Also some of us have contraception which make them lighter/less painful.
I dont know about anyone else but i have some horrible days in pain and havent been able to do anything.

Teenagers are all over the place, it takes ages for the periods to settle so how are they meant to predict how heavy they will be/how uncomfortable or in pain they are?!

Dont get me wrong im sure there are some that will take the piss but i think theu should be given the benefit of the doubt!

Lol but a heavy period isn’t an illness or a medical condition

Why does the NHS have a page for them then? It suggests "treatments" - why would it have treatments for something that isn't a medical condition/illness.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/heavy-periods/

I am sure that professional sportswomen take steps to make sure they are not having a period during major tournaments.

Periods differ hugely from one person to another - it might be simple for one to do PE and not another. Sure some girls might use their periods not to do PE without justification - I would suggest that in that case the school should ask themselves why the girls do not want to do PE and do something about that.

Your DD should not have been treated as she was.

Lol but a heavy period isn’t an illness or a medical condition

It's this kind of attitude that makes it a nightmare for girls/women on their periods.

For 2-3 days every month I had a sickening migraine, would actually vomit and was in great discomfort. My sister and one of my DC also has the migraine

But it wasn't an 'illness' and we should be in work.

Righto then.

I don't think the issue here is whether she should or shouldn't be able to do PE / exercise on her period.
I think the issue is that mum and daughter didn't feel it was appropriate but school ignore their wishes. A bit shocking I think!

popcorn I didn't realise you were the MN Police! I think most people with a brain cell or two could work out whether I think the OP was reasonable or not without your clarification.

You can tell the people on this thread who have never had a truly heavy period, or known anyone who has (unless they are completely lacking in empathy, which is also a possibility).

I used to have periods which were exceptionally painful, used to cause me to faint and/or vomit and/or diarrhea. Not every time, but occasionally terrible. I simply couldn't have done PE on that day, but in fact I couldn't go to school at all on that day and if at school when I started, I'd have to go home.

Dr absolutely useless, diagnosed with endometriosis later in life (not til 30's though), wish I'd known about good pain control options to take before being sick.

I do believe really heavy periods can be a reason to miss PE very occasionally, which was the case here. The OP's dd wasn't a repeat offender.

Utterly ridiculous comments on here. Of course you weren't BU.
At that age mine were sporadic and horrific, sometimes it would be like something out of a horror scene. My mum understood this and either wrote me a note for PE or I would stay at home.
As I will do the same for my own DD and god help any teacher that undermines me.

This happened locally, as bad as what happened to the OPs daughter
www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/totally-unacceptable-policy-condemned-after-2436234
My periods improved after having my DCs and now, thankfully, they are no more

Thank you all for your views.

As many have said, I didn’t ask for opinions on whether my daughter should or shouldn’t have done PE - she made that decision when she came to me to ask for a note and as previously said, she has never missed a PE lesson before.

Someone asked why she couldn’t put on some dark coloured joggers - they don’t have them and there aren’t permitted to bring their own from home in. Shorts or nothing I’m afraid.

I will contact the school to speak with the head of PE tomorrow. Thank you all for your input.

It’s sad to see there are unsupportive views of periods and some see periods as a “one size fit all” type of thing. I remember my period pain being so bad that I would feel sick, hot and then pass out 😫 I had my children and the period pains weren’t anywhere near as painful as they used to be.

OP you sound a lovely and reasonable person and parent - so on that basis I don't see you BU.

Really don't know though how a school is to manage fictitious / exaggerated periods. Back in the day at school we always used periods - real or imaginary as an excuse to get out of swimming, showers, PE outside in the cold, any form of PE etc

OP, im a teacher, but not PE, and I would be livid if I was you or your daughter.
When people say that other kids always get out of PE due to using periods as an excuse I would reply that other people’s children are not your concern.
I would email the Head and explain everything you have said in your original post. I’d add that unless they can assure you this will not happen again you won’t be sending your daughter into school should she be at the start of her period and she has PE.

The Head Of PE sounds like a typical bully and they need to be told this isn’t acceptable.

Yanbu
I have never had heavy periods but just reading MN is enough to tell me that it can be horrendous.

All schools should be doing what they can to make PEcas easy as possible for girls when they have period.

I disagree with those saying that PE is not important, because being fit is important.

I can understand that teachers have a difficult time if lots of girls start saying they can’t do PE, but the descriptions on this thread make clear why provisions to sit out must be made, even if that means some girls skive.

If the school has a policy on periods and missing PE that should be made very clear to parents, including how teacher should be notified.

As you DD doesn’t miss PE regularly she teacher should have allowed your DD to sit out and she or someone else should have contacted you afterwards if they had an issue.

If you really want to make an issue of it (and in your position I would) I would make a complaint about the Head of PE assaulting your DD - which pulling her up by the arm is.

All those posters that say that they have a heavy flow and still could do PE do not know what a really bad period is. A few of mine were as bad as my 11 week miscarriage. You wouldn't go running while having contractions, would you? Get some empathy for people who are worse off than you.