AIBU regarding PE teacher, DD and her period?

[Tink2007]

My DD is nearly 13. She’s been having periods for 8/9 months. She came on yesterday. She said it was quite heavy and she didn’t feel comfortable doing PE today as she was worried about leaks and it being so heavy just left her feeling uncomfortable.

She’s never missed a PE lesson, she has done PE whilst on her period but it has always coincided with the end so has always been lighter. I said it was fine and I would jot a note in her student diary (as required) especially seeing as it was the first time she has come to me and said “‘Mum, I don’t feel comfortable with this today.”

So imagine my surprise when she came home from school and told me how PE went today. Her actual PE teacher was fine with her not doing PE but said the final decision was with the head of PE.

Now given she didn’t have her PE kit, she had a note and expressed her discomfort with doing PE I wa surprised that the head of PE tried all manner of ways to make her do PE, telling her a period couldn’t be “that bad”, she wouldn’t accept it as a reason again. Then said if she had a spare PE kit she would have made her do it, asked the other PE teacher to make her do it in her school uniform (which the other teacher refused to do) and pulled her by the arm to a standing position to bat a shuttlecock back and forth towards the end of the lesson. She simply couldn’t accept she wasn’t doing it this lesson.

AIBU reasonable for being annoyed? In an age where we are supposed to be empowering young women to have their voices heard, be confident in what they feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and voicing that but yet this teacher seems happy to ignore it and physically pull my DD to her feet.

I should add I do know the teacher in question - she was my PE teacher 22 years ago and it does sound just like her to be honest.

We usually have regular periods, we should be prepared to carry the relevant san pro, spare undies and analgesia etc to cope for our worst case scenario and avoid these often cited cases of humiliating leakage.

One day you may start having really heavy periods and 'humiliating leakage' - I typically wouldn't want to wish it on anyone, but in your case I'll make an exception and hope you do suffer and then you night realize what a pompous prick you sounded with your comment.

My 'worst case scenario' was having to lay on the bathroom floor for 8 hours as the lino is easy to clean, there was a good supply of towels and I was too dizzy too stand.

To whoever it was that recommended that i needed the GP - you're right, I did. Unfortunately the first two that I saw over the space of a couple of years told me to take ibuprofen max dose. I read about tranexamic acid on here, bought some from Boots, popped in to see the GP about it (old & fat, me not her) saw a locum, got referred, found lumps, cancer scare (not thank fuck), lumps removed, mirena inserted and yay, life back - no longer aneamic. Please pester your GP more than I did.

What women do as adults with heavy periods is irrelevant. This is a young girl who has had 8 or 9 periods in total. She is still learning how to deal with them and how to cope with heavy ones.

As mum's we should prepare our daughters to cope unless they have medically unusual amount of flow or pain. "Uncomfortable " will not cut it when she is old enough to go to work.

She's unlikely to have a job that requires her to play badminton in shorts without pockets and with no access to toilet facilities though tazzle. I'd go so far as to say that such occupations are pretty niche. It's not really the sort of thing you drift into.

Sorry but we cant be equal on one hand and then expect special dispensation on the other

Yep, and all shoes should be size 5.

What? That's not going to fit many men? Well, you can't be equal on one hand and expect special dispensation on the other..

I also fully expect my partner to take on gestating the next child, since equal apparently means identical.

What a stupid argument - of course you can treat people differently if they have different needs! It's ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

That head of PE is a bullying twit and I would complain. Very telling that the other PE teacher would not join in and hassle your DD to participate.

Some girls and women have horrendous periods and it is not always possible to manage your normal daily activities alongside them. Some days at work I only get through by chugging painkillers, doubling up sanpro and changing every hour, and if I can on those days I work from home, having made a right mess of a chair once in a meeting.

There’s a reason I point blank refused to do PE after age 14, and teachers like that are it.

I think it’s awful what the teacher did to your dd. I can just imagine how she felt.
Even if she was capable of taking part she didn’t want to and I can imagine her emotional stress.
Your her parent and you expressed your wishes which were ignored. This is a great way to put her off p.e. Poor kid awful teacher!

Sounds like awful behaviour from the head of pe esp when the teacher wasn’t happy either BUT I think it’s an important life lesson and we do need to get on with life even if we have our period. It wouldn’t have been accepted in my daughters school and they need to be dressed up in pe kit for roles within the class even if injured etc but doubt you would get out of it for period lol

The delusional belief by some on here that GPS give a shit about heavy periods.

At best they’ll offer the Merina (unsuitable fir a 13 yr old) or tell you to politely piss off.

I didn’t have leakage until I went through peri. I managed to leak through a super plus tampon and a night time pad all over my office chair. I had had fairly manageable periods for 30 odd years previously. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

"Uncomfortable " will not cut it when she is old enough to go to work.

And, most likely, she will be on hormonal contraception b then which makes a huge difference. Also' she will have had significantly more periods than 9

BUT I think it’s an important life lesson and we do need to get on with life even if we have our period

You wouldn't say that about any other illness / condition

In fairness Hamilton I was offered Mefanemic Acid as a 14 year old by my GP in 2003, some do care. She also gave me fybogel to try and help counter period diarrhoea (oh fun memories).

Yes - some GPS are very good. You just might not encounter them on your first visit.

@flamingofridays

Lol but a heavy period isn’t an illness or a medical condition

There are quite a lot of things that aren't an illness or a medical condition that would still render an individual unable to participate in a PE lesson though...

At work, it's normally pretty obvious which girls are suffering badly with period pains. When I've needed to deal with them, I've encouraged them just to walk with me a little way and rock to and fro to see if that eases it - BUT - I say it gently, that even though it probably sounds like the worst thing in the world to do right now and I didn't believe it at the time when I was at school, but it really does help. I've been honest and said that it can make it heavier, but that I've found this seems to make them finish sooner, whilst sitting feeling awful just keeps you feeling worse for longer.

Every girl I've said it to has tried. I've not dragged them into heavy physical activity, I've not told them it's in their head or that they're lazy - it's obvious they aren't (especially when you can reasonably describe a girl with extremely dark skin as having all the colour drain from her face). They've also been guided to ask about seeing the GP if they describe flooding/having to change every hour/being in severe pain.

I generally have no trouble with periods - my boobs hurt for a few days (quite a lot), I have the most enormous poo the day before and then it's Mooncup in and get on with the day (with two paracetamol for the lower back pain or the worst of the day 1 cramps).

However, even now, sometimes I get completely blindsided by one and spend an entire night awake, rocking to and fro on my hands and knees like I'm in labour - complete with the OH poking around my pelvis/sacral spine - and I still remember entire mornings missing from lessons because I was curled up into a ball on the floor of a cubicle in the Girls' Toilets and one day the Head of Year drove me home at lunchtime because I was in so much pain.

So, whilst I think taking part is better in principle, I also think it's not unreasonable to sit out in your daughter's circumstances.

Lol but a heavy period isn’t an illness or a medical condition

Actually underlying medical conditions account for at least half of all cases of heavy periods. Lol

If they are heavier than that, then GP needs to be involved

Try getting help for heavy periods.

but a heavy period isn’t an illness or a medical condition

Over 50% of heavy periods are caused by an underlying condition.

Sorry but we cant be equal on one hand and then expect special dispensation on the other

As mum's we should prepare our daughters to cope unless they have medically unusual amount of flow or pain. "Uncomfortable " will not cut it when she is old enough to go to work. Yes we all have days we don't want to do stuff when we feel yuk but need to suck up and get
on with it...or has that ethos of get on with it changed

Where is the equality thing, men don't have periods. Yet. Although some believe they do.

There are these fabulous things called 'sick day's' that adults get from work. Also annual leave and unpaid days and days in lieu. All of which can be used to not work on the days you feel like shit because of periods. Even young girls can take sick days from school. OP next time just give her the day off.

YANBU. I would speak to the school and ask for an explanation for how your daughter was treated today. How dare they say it can't be that bad. I would also make sure that if it happens again, that they understand she won't be doing PE.

I remember PE teachers telling the girls that exercise helps etc and just being really unsympathetic. I didn't have bad periods as a teen but I have issues with them now and there's no way I could do any sport or exercise, some days I can't even get out of bed. There were a few girls who obviously had issues when they were at school and I look back and feel so bad for them as I know that they could have been in as much pain as I am now.

If my daughter doesn't feel up to PE due to periods then she won't be doing it. The teachers can call me if they have an issue.

As for the posters who said if they're well enough to do other lessons, they are well enough to do PE, what an absolute load of rubbish. It's completely different and if you really can't see that, i despair.

OP - I hope your daughter is feeling better soon.

I think she could still have done PE. Perhaps you could modify her kit on those heavier days to dark leggings just in case and provide her with pain killers. Life goes on! if every girl did what you did, in my DD's girls' school, they could potentially have at least half the class not taking part.

but a heavy period isn’t an illness or a medical condition

I can't bear this attitude. My periods are horrendous, always have been, started at 11 and would have to be sent home if I came on at school. Shaking, fainting, throwing up and the most incredible pain at the same time. Why is it that some women fail to comprehend that while they might be ok, it absolutely is not manageable sometimes for some women.

I work full time in a professional setting and have a massively supportive boss who understands that occasionally I am not able to get out of bed let alone go to work on day one. Why can't we all just be a bit more understanding. More so when you're as young as the OPs DD and it's all still new, uncomfortable and embarrassing.

We wouldn't expect anyone that Ill to carry on as though they were fine for anything else so why is it different for periods?

I think she could still have done PE

And I think she couldn't, so that cancels your opinion right out, doesn't it?

It's my opinion and it's what OP asked for.

I think she could still have done PE.

So you know better than OP's daughter about how she was feeling?

but a heavy period isn’t an illness or a medical condition

Mine was.