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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
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9
MartaHallard · 16/01/2019 20:43

So why would she be carrying money?

Why shouldn't she? Having enough cash for emergencies, or even something like buying a coffee or giving to a collection for charity, is normal, isn't it?

I agree she should have spoken to the driver when she got on and showed her college ID, if she has any.

Some unpleasant remarks about the driver here. He doesn't make the rules. No-one knows what disciplinary proceedings he might have been subject to if he'd been found to be carrying a passenger without a pass.

GhostSauce · 16/01/2019 20:43

It's good training for the real world though, where if an adult doesn't have their ticket/pass then of course they can't get the bus. She's 17, not 10. Next year she'll be a fully fledged adult.

Does no one walk to school anymore? In the 90s I walked 2.5 miles each way in the dark/snow/rain.

Are teens so mollycoddled now that they can't walk to school in the dark?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 16/01/2019 20:44

I think the driver could have given her the benefit of the doubt, given that it is really quite unlikely that anyone would to take a free school bus, and that she clearly looks very much like a student. She would have been better speaking to the driver when she got on and explaining her situation.

Duty of care? Not so much. She's almost an adult.

Andylion · 16/01/2019 20:44

Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day

Does you DD usually wear the pass on a lanyard so that is visible?
Maybe the driver doesn't usually have to ask?

I work at a university and it drives me crazy that students show up without their ID/library cards (which they can also use to pay for certain services) and wonder why they can't access those services. If they have said they lost it and they have other ID, we have ways to help them. In this case, if the driver saw her every morning, it does seem strange that he wouldn't allow her to stay on.

OP has explained that it's a rural location and it was a college bus, not a normal bus. So why would she be carrying money?

Why does the fact that it's a rural location and college bus mean that she wouldn't need money?

OKhitmewithit · 16/01/2019 20:45

I think some of these comments are harsh, but it's a good lesson for your DD and thankfully nothing happened. Talk to her about what might have gone wrong and hope she learns from this. The world will not always work for her, best she makes it work for herself.

donquixotedelamancha · 16/01/2019 20:45

2.7 miles we used to walk to school, from age 11

Obligatory:

Eeee... that's nothin'. When I were a young whipper-snapper (and all this was swamp) we walked 20 miles to school at age 5 and were grateful for t'chance of an'heducation.

BarbarianMum · 16/01/2019 20:46

Why would she carry money? Well in case of emergency if for no other reason. Mine carry £10 emergency money ever since they were old enough to travel independently. In reality they also carry money for snacks, drinks etc

WofflingOn · 16/01/2019 20:47

DS used to take a college bus like this, you couldn’t pay cash, it was pass or nothing. Safeguarding means that the driver wasn’t a jobsworth, he could have a serious reprimand on his record if he allowed an undocumented person to stay on. It might well be different drivers every week.
You failed, OP. You should either have given her a lift or money for a taxi.

SavoyCabbage · 16/01/2019 20:47

I think he was being a dick to not let her use the bus as he knew she had a pass.

My year seven dd (12) walks over a mile to school and again back, three times a week in the dark.

Cheeeeislifenow · 16/01/2019 20:48

It's one of those situations where technically yes, the bus driver was within his rights to kick her off the bus because she didn't have her pass and them's the rules. However, I wonder what most of us would do if we drove the same bus every day to the same college to drop off the same 4 pupils (I.e. we know them) and one of them turned up one day having lost her pass and asking if we could allow her to ride the bus as she does every single day, so that she can get a temporary pass from the office. I can say with certainty that I would not be turning the teenage girl away to walk alone, in the semi-darkness, with a broken arm. And yes, I realise a broken arm doesn't stop you walking but it could potentially make you a more attractive prospect for a mugger or worse.

This ^^

GhostSauce · 16/01/2019 20:49

@donquixotedelamancha

I'll one up you. When I had a sprained ankle I had to get myself to school and back on crutches for a couple weeks. Dad started work at 7, mum didn't drive.

Why can't a 17 year old walk a mile in the cold and dark? Next year she'll be out on the piss in the dark and cold pub crawling.

Aarghhelpplease · 16/01/2019 20:49

I am really really surprised at some of these replies. Everybody loses things as a previous poster has pointed out as the same driver regularly takes them to school and would recognise her he could play it by the book as he so obviously did or he could show a little bit of compassion and common sense and get her to show him the pass next time.
My reply though is based on the implication that he recognised her.

whatsthepointthen · 16/01/2019 20:49

*Does no one walk to school anymore? In the 90s I walked 2.5 miles each way in the dark/snow/rain.

Are teens so mollycoddled now that they can't walk to school in the dark?*

It seems not and I think that is the problem, I watch teeangers from the local secondary school crowd the bus every day to go ONE bus stop. which is about 5 minutes walk. Heaven forbid a child having to walk ONE WHOLE MILE 🙄

itswinetime · 16/01/2019 20:51

She needs the lanyard to travel on the bus she didn't haven't and so wasn't entitled to travel. The ins and outs are irrelevant. The whole thing could have been avoided if she spoke to the driver when she boarded then he could have explained and she could of gotten off and you could have made a plan b between you. Hiding it probably didn't help the situation

MartaHallard · 16/01/2019 20:53

but to make her walk home in the cold and dark is pretty cruel.

I walked home in the cold and dark this evening. And it was raining. Oh the cruelty!

Or not, because I'm a grown up, I dress appropriately for the weather, and I know that a bit of cold and dark and wet won't hurt me.

Some spectacular snowflakery going on here!

LanaorAna2 · 16/01/2019 20:53

a 17 yr old had a 15 minute walk? Call the cops.

Mossyhill · 16/01/2019 20:54

Yanbu the bus driver sounds like a jobsworth!

SkylightAndChandelier · 16/01/2019 20:54

A mile at 7am at 17? Even if raining, it's unpleasant, but hardly arduous, or at some crazy hour.

OK, broken arm is tricky - but how was she going to manage all day with bags if she can't carry them to college?

YABU. She should have explained up front, the driver perhaps could have been kind if he recognised her, but wasn't under any obligation to be (and might be under an obligation not to be)

GhostSauce · 16/01/2019 20:54

Teenage lasses in my city were always out in the snow and dark in tiny skirts and strappy sandles in the middle of winter. Grin

Are the younger generations are getting a bit soft?

Toddlerteaplease · 16/01/2019 20:55

I leave for work at 6.30 and walk a mile to work on my own. And have done since I was 19!

EnglishPuffins · 16/01/2019 20:55

I was thinking the same as @Tartsamazeballs...In the next post the OP will tell us that the daughter has severe SEN and the broken arm is actually her only remaining limb.

ivykaty44 · 16/01/2019 20:55

Why do you want the bus driver to make exceptions for your daughter? Why is she special and the bus company rules shouldn’t apply to her?

Aridane · 16/01/2019 20:56

YABU

CoastalLife · 16/01/2019 20:57

Muggers or worse (bears?) do not hang around empty country lanes, nor do they only prey on the injured

I was thinking more about rapists than bears. When I posted my comment, there was no mention of OP's home or the bus stop being on country lanes. Only that the college itself is rural. And I realise that criminals don't solely prey on the injured (really don't think this was at all implied in my comment) but if you're looking for someone who might be less able to fight you off, a broken arm would be a tick in that column.

cheesemongery · 16/01/2019 20:59

I don't think YABU OP,

just to be clear though - you're DD had to walk the mile home back to your/her house? That's not so bad. I think you should have dropped her off to the college yourself though, or spoken to the driver yourself - especially as the college is 90 minutes away (why is it so far away? are you especially rural?).

To all those saying we have to walk blah blah a day or my dc will be doing it come secondary - this is 6.45am not 8-8.30am/4.30pm in the when I imagine lots of kids will be doing the same walk.

We walk 3 miles a day to and from primary school, I don't think it's the walking aspect OP is so concerned about - more that a young teenage girl is walking alone in the dark and is, whether you like to poo poo it or not, potentially vulnerable. The responses would have been very different if OP had posted that her daughter was missing, last seen being refused a bus ride to college.

I'd be peeved if it were my teenage daughter. Thankfully no harm done though, just lessons to be learned.