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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
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9
QuestionableMouse · 16/01/2019 20:59

Some unkindness here. I'm an adult and wouldn't like to walk in the dark in some of the lanes around here. (Also rural)

PattiStanger · 16/01/2019 20:59

I wonder how many of the posters sayings what's the problem live rurallywhere there aren't pavements or street lights and walking in the dark and rain when you aren't expecting to can actually be quite dangerous.

Not so long ago near me a pedestrian was knocked down in similar circumstances, do you know hard it can be to see someone who's not wearing bright clothing without street lights?

BarbarianMum · 16/01/2019 21:01

The OP hasnt said no pavements though, has she? That's an assumption some posters are making.

recently · 16/01/2019 21:01

Of course YANBU. The driver knew her, he was just being a jobsworth. It costs nothing to be kind. I would be furious too.

ivykaty44 · 16/01/2019 21:01

Family knew that she didn’t have bus pass but still left her at bus stop without pass and no money a mile from home and in the dark. Why didn’t the family be forward thinking and come up with a safer plan?

recently · 16/01/2019 21:01

Doubly unreasonable that he expected her to carry her bags with a broken arm!

Stickmanslittleleaf · 16/01/2019 21:02

Does your dd have SEN? I suspect so as you have spoken to her friend's mother who you say said the same story as your dd. If so, the driver absolutely should have been more considerate and some of the harsher replies would have been different if you'd put it in you OP (not that you have to, just an observation). Either way, if she doesn't physically have her pass with her perhaps in future she should explain when she's boarding the bus so you are still there and can deal with the situation before you leave.

ladybee28 · 16/01/2019 21:03

Thinking back to some of the situations I got myself into as a disorganised teen (and I was a bit of a nightmare for losing things), I was always mortified by stuff like this.

I honestly can't imagine a situation in which I'd have blamed the bus driver and got my mum to call the school and complain – I'd have been more likely to not tell my mum what happened at all out of the embarrassment of not having had my bus pass and been caught out.

I don't know if teens these days are 'softer', as it were, but a lot of them (and to be fair a lot of adults) certainly seem much less able/willing to take on the idea of personal responsibility.

Pinkginxx · 16/01/2019 21:04

I was on a bus last week when half way round the route a random inspector got on and asked to see all our tickets/passes. Can imagine it's quite standard. Driver could have got in serious trouble

mrsm43s · 16/01/2019 21:04

Good Lord, my 12 &14 year olds walk 2 miles to school each way , in the dark in winter, and have since they were 11.

They also understand that they're responsible for looking after their things, and bearing the consequences resulting from them losing stuff.

Kolo · 16/01/2019 21:04

Do you live rurally? You mention the college is rural. I wouldn’t want to be walking along country lanes in the dark myself, it could be pretty dangerous.

Once, when I was at uni, I mistakenly had an invalid ticket on the train (I was travelling on a Friday night or something, which required an extra payment. I didn’t have any money on me, just my bank card) . The train driver told me to get off at the next stop. I refused, based on the fact I was a lone female and didn’t know the city he wanted me to get off at. He called the transit police. Held up an entire train full on a Friday night. The police told him to let me finish the journey.

recently · 16/01/2019 21:04

*I'm having one of those "What is the world coming to?" moments.

YABU*

Yes, me too but mine is "What is the world coming to when a bus driver who knows a passenger has a valid pass and a broken arm, prefers to throw her off the bus rather than give her a telling off and remind her to bring it next time?" No wonder people say that we no longer trust anyone in society these days - most people on this thread seem to think any little mistake should be made into a lesson.

SirVixofVixHall · 16/01/2019 21:05

I live rurally too, the bus driver must know the four students by sight, and turfing off a girl with a broken arm is pretty unkind and could have put her in danger. I agree with pp that empty dark lanes or narrow country roads can be quite unpleasant to walk down. I would have been anxious doing that at 17.

WofflingOn · 16/01/2019 21:05

cheesemongery DS’s college was 20 mins drive, but the bus took around an hour or so because it went all round the villages collecting students.

londonrach · 16/01/2019 21:06

Yabu. A mile is 15 minutes at most. Shes 17.... seriously i walked 3 miles to school and back at 13 (down country lanes) till i got a bike. If she wanted a bus ride she should have bought some change. Im abit shocked shes not walkingevery day anyway. Unless theres a back story.

CluedoAddict · 16/01/2019 21:07

She shouldn't have got on the bus without the correct pass. It was the drivers decision to make her get off. He could have got in trouble for allowing her on the bus.

Mayrhofen · 16/01/2019 21:07

YABU, I walk 1.1 miles TO the bus stop. She is 17, in potentially less than a year she could be negotiating living away from home at university 100s of miles away.

She needs to understand actions and consequence.

SirVixofVixHall · 16/01/2019 21:09

In contrast when i was 18, a bus driver took a detour with the consent of the smiley old ladies on the bus, to drop me off at my friend’s gate instead of leaving me to walk down lanes.

yoyo1234 · 16/01/2019 21:09

I think YABU. I can understand that you cannot pay for a one trip pass so why did you not check that she would be able to get on the bus? It is not a ridiculous time so I do not think it is particularly a safeguarding issue (unless special needs not mentioned in the opening post). She is 17!

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 16/01/2019 21:10

Yes, me too but mine is "What is the world coming to when a bus driver who knows a passenger has a valid pass and a broken arm, prefers to throw her off the bus rather than give her a telling off and remind her to bring it next time?" No wonder people say that we no longer trust anyone in society these days - most people on this thread seem to think any little mistake should be made into a lesson.

I agree. No need.

BrokenWing · 16/01/2019 21:11

Why didnt you drive her to college? Or put her on public transport instead? Or tell her to ask the driver when she got on the bus if it was ok before you left?

Sorry op but yabu. You know she needs a pass to travel on the bus, she didn't have a pass and you knowingly took the risk and left her in that situation hoping they either wouldn't check today or the bus driver would potentially put his job at risk by letting someone travel without a pass, the outcome is your (and her) making.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 16/01/2019 21:11

May the op said it was a mile to the bus stop, not to college

PivotPivotPivottt · 16/01/2019 21:12

It was a shitty thing for the driver to do but maybe (giving him the benefit of the doubt) he had a tip off about bus inspections happening that day? Unlikely at that time in the morning I suppose but still possible.

I think it was mean of the driver to do this whether she was 7, 17 or 37. I'm in my 20s and my step dad still insists on walking me home from their house if I'm visiting. 5 minute walk if that and always before 6pm. It doesn't make me any less of an adult but it puts my parents mind at rest that my children and I are home safe Blush

Dutchesss · 16/01/2019 21:14

I don't think it's the walking aspect OP is so concerned about - more that a young teenage girl is walking alone in the dark and is, whether you like to poo poo it or not, potentially vulnerable. The responses would have been very different if OP had posted that her daughter was missing, last seen being refused a bus ride to college.
I agree, it's basic human decency to let her on, he knew she had a pass, he knew she's going to the college, he knew she would be left alone in the dark in a rural area. Maybe he was 'right' in following the rules but morally it was a very wrong thing to do.

Sundance2741 · 16/01/2019 21:17

Driver was being unreasonable if he knew her and that she always gets this bus to college..And downright mean insisting when someone has a broken arm. He may well be told to check passes from time to time but really!

We're in London and my dd has sometimes forgotten her bus pass. Generally the drivers let her on - often recognise her as someone often travelling that route. These are just public buses by the way. (She IS a great blagger though I have to say!)

However at 17 I don't think it's a case of duty of care - just a bit of human kindness.

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