Daughter kicked off bus aibu

[user1471461798]

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

And wrt your assertion that most women who are raped know their rapist so therefore the chances of anything horrible happening to a young woman walking alone on a dark rainy morning with a broken arm in a cast and laden with bags is slim to none, please re-read the headline of the Guardian article:
'I’ve been followed, attacked, spat on': women on feeling scared to walk alone

The experiences detailed in this article were news to many:
www.independent.co.uk/life-style/catcalls-of-nyc-instagram-street-harassment-women-sexual-men-new-york-us-a8092636.html

There was and is a great need for awareness to be raised about this form of assault.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11637697/Catcalling-Women-sexually-harassed-on-the-street-from-puberty.html

It's not safe out there. All parties concerned were very lucky that no rape occurred. You can go on all you like about the majority of rapists being known to their victims but that still leaves many hundreds of rapes committed by strangers.

How does checking his lanyard make this impossible?

It doesn't. I never said it did. I said if this happened, yes it's a big if, during the course of the investigation at some point it would be noted that he didn't have a pass. If this were to be the case then I'm willing to bet the driver would be held accountable for allowing him on the bus.

That's 5 reported in the press. In case you haven't noticed gang related crime, and particularly knife crime is on the rise. And I am still not the one who assumed a stabbing. I said assault. But just for you let's say the boy gets on the bus and sexually assaults another student. Is this now more possible that the apparently ridiculous knife scenario? In this case would you hold the driver responsible?

Well yes, he should be held accountable. He should also be held accountable if the girl was raped because he chose to be a sanctimonious, preachy dick and put her in danger.

Your scenario is still irrelevant, because nobody unknown to the driver got onto the bus. Four students get on at this stop. This driver saw the pass a couple of days previously and as I explained at length to FrancisCrawford, he should have assumed that the girl was a passenger in good standing no matter when the 'month' began.

That's 5 reported in the press. In case you haven't noticed gang related crime, and particularly knife crime is on the rise.
If you are suggesting that there are 85,000 knife attacks in the UK annually, or even a quarter of that number, then please excuse me while I fall off my seat laughing.
(You're not even talking about knife attacks on buses, are you - it's knife attacks in general...)

But just for you let's say the boy gets on the bus and sexually assaults another student. Is this now more possible that the apparently ridiculous knife scenario? In this case would you hold the driver responsible?

Oh for the love of fucking puppies...

No.
A sexual assault on the bus is not now more possible than the extremely ridiculous knife scenario.
The whole point of continuous references to the conditions - 'dark', 'rainy' 'rural', 'alone' - is to show that this girl was set down in conditions where the possibility of rape (or being hit by a car) were more possible than if she had been allowed to stay on the bus.

Some people here really are being awfully mean-spirited.

Things do get lost and if you live in a rural area where DD's only way to get to school was via this coach, how else is the situation supposed to get rectified if she is unable to get to school to get the temporary bus pass?

Saying OP is 'very unreasonable' is ridiculously over the top. The situation was likely quite embarrassing for DD being thrown off the bus in front of her peers, and having to turn up to school wet and with wet bags.

Seeing to it that she was let on the bus was the right thing to do and from that point, you shouldn't have any reason to think she would not get to school okay. Even if he has no direct responsibility to ensure she gets to school safely, just recognising her and being familiar with her as one of very few students to get on the bus should be enough for you to trust that he be a decent person and recognise that even without the pass, she is an authorised user of the transport.

Would love to see one of you posters claiming that OP is 'very unreasonable' walk over a mile to work in the dark and rain, with a broken arm after unexpectedly being chucked off your mode of transport and not feel a little sorry for yourself! Get a heart, and some bloody empathy!

Your scenario is still irrelevant, because nobody unknown to the driver got onto the bus.

Nobody got raped either. By your own argument this scenario is irrelevant.

If you are suggesting that there are 85,000 knife attacks

Didn't say that either.

Crime Type November 2017 Apr-Nov 2017 Apr-Nov 2016 Change
Criminal Damage 2 13 19 -6
Other Notifiable Offences 0 3 2 1
Robbery 5 31 11 20
Sexual Offences 0 9 8 1
Theft and Handling 24 118 87 31
Violence against the Person 7 79 75 4

Here's some statistics for Redbridge. Sorry out it doesn't come out very clearly.

You'll more that violence against the person is more common than sexual assault.

Source tfl.gov.uk/corporate/publications-and-reports/bus-crime-statistics

The other boroughs have similar statistics. Of course this is irrelevant. Only dark and stormy night rape is relevant (even though it didn't happen).

It still wasn't me that bought up knife crime.

Gy

The rape argument is completely relevant because the experience of thousands of women walking alone in the dark makes it so.

Violence against the person is another serious problem this young woman could have run into. She would have been a sitting duck, with an arm in a cast.

Thanks for that stat.

There was no assault so it's irrelevant.

There was no rape but, experience.

Understood.

Is it not possible that mum doesn't drop of and pick up this girl everyday? That actually she walks this route say after college, in the dark, in the rain. For all we know at this point she's walked this route many times before. Morning and evening. Although this doesn't fit your narrative either so let me guess. Irrelevant!

I'm in two minds about this. Obviously it's not nice weather, the driver knows her, he could have just let it pass this time. BUT. If he let it go, what would stop other students doing the same? What if someone contacted his boss and he got in trouble for essentially giving out free rides? She's 17, op. She needs to take at least some responsibility for this. It's also not the drivers responsibility to make sure she gets somewhere safely once she's off the bus. Absolutely not his problem.

mathanxiety

You are going to silly lengths to support something that didn't happen and is irrelevant to the thread.

Ninabean kids may have frequently travelled without passes because OP said he hardly ever checks them. Probably because there are the same four kids each day! If he was at risk of losing his job if one of then forgot their pass then surely he would check for them every day? His slackness in not checking gave the dd a false sense of security that her losing her pass wouldn’t be such a big deal.

Honestly all this talk of bein an adult at 17. OP said she has literally just turned 17. She’d also broken her arm just 2 days before so it’s understandable she might be a bit forgetful. The driver had talked to her about her broken arm the day before. There was no need for him to do what he did and I can’t understand why anybody here is more concerned about his career than a vulnerable girl being left in the dark alone, a mile from home.

I’m not even going there with The Dagger on the Bus fantasies. Totally bonkers.

She'd also broken her arm just two days before so it's understandable she might be a bit forgetful.

Why? Does your memory fall out when you break a limb?

GlitterStick with a broken limb in the first few days you might experience pain, you don't sleep very well because it's uncomfortable and, shock horror, you can't wear your normal coat / jacket so it's totally understandable that somebody might make a tiny mistake. Why does it make you happy to be so unforgiving of other people making mistakes?

Ninabean
What if someone contacted his boss and he got in trouble for essentially giving out free rides?

It’s a monthly pre-paid bus pass on a college bus. No free rides.

Same kids everyday. Easy to trace them through college. No need for harsh action.

There was no assault so it's irrelevant.
There was no rape but, experience.
Gy

And therefore common sense should really kick in to inform one's understanding of what is important and relevant, but sadly there is a distinct lack of this on your part.

Is it not possible that mum doesn't drop of and pick up this girl everyday? That actually she walks this route say after college, in the dark, in the rain. For all we know at this point she's walked this route many times before. Morning and evening. Although this doesn't fit your narrative either so let me guess. Irrelevant!

If the girl walks the distance every day in the dark and presumably often in the rain, given the climate of the British Isles, I rather suspect the OP wouldn't have made a point of mentioning it.

Does your memory fall out when you break a limb?
GlitterStick

As TheLittleDogLaughed states - she might not have worn the same jacket thanks to the cast, and she may have lost sleep, or experienced some delayed shock. In addition, she may have taken prescription painkillers, which can affect attention to detail.

Boney not sure why you can't grasp that we are talking about reasons the driver was unreasonable, and that this includes the possibility of serious harm befalling the young woman walking in the dark in the rain with an arm in a cast, laden with bags. The fact that nothing happened is down to luck.

The obvious serious harm that might have happened is rape or being hit by a car whose driver's view of pedestrians was hampered by the weather conditions. Also relevant is the trauma that could have resulted from being trailed and/or catcalled by someone in a vehicle.

These potential issues would be obvious to anyone with a speck of common sense anyway.

That is also the argument against the bus driver's conduct - that he showed no common sense, among other deficits (i.e. in judgement, intellegence, and common decency).

mathanxiety

what you won't grasp is that you making stuff/scenarios up doesn't make it any more or less relevant than anyone else making stuff/scenarios up to support there side of the argument.

They are either all relevant or non of them are.

Your non existent rapist is no more relevant than the non existent knife wielding boy. You either accept that there is a remote probability of both/either happening or stick to the "facts" as laid out by the OP.

By all means argue for common sense
He knew her
there are only four on the bus
Its a prepaid ticket
She uses the bus everyday etc.

Or against
policy
he has to check (randomly or otherwise)
The ticket maybe invalid due to date of purchase

Or we all get to make up a list of things that didn't but might happen. (which seems to be getting longer)

Flamin eck, mathanxiety, with boneyback on this one. That list of might haves is getting longer and longer!
What made up scenario in your imagination next? Abducted by aliens by the roadside?!

Flamin eck, mathanxiety, with boneyback on this one. That list of might haves is getting longer and longer!

Yes we all know how there's only one possible "might" in this scenario. It didn't happen but it's the only single possible might have that could have happened.

What made up scenario in your imagination next?

You mean like the made up scenario in yours?

I didn't make up any scenario

Apologies @glitterstick thought you were someone else.

If the OP is lurking anywhere still reading this, it would be great to have an update from the college / bus company?

These potential issues would be obvious to anyone with a speck of common sense anyway.

If we are going to use a common sense argument then what about common sense from the girl.
To me it is common sense for her to tell the driver when she gets on the bus that she doesn't have the pass and ask if it will be a problem.

What about this scenario? The day before this happened the bus driver got told that there have been cases of people traveling without passes and so drivers need to be more vigilant and there will be inspectors getting on buses. I am assuming there are a few buses going to the college. The driver being a nice man, doesn't often check because he trusts the students. He remembers after he has driven away from the stop and then checks.

I am stunned! They should have let her stay on the bus and given her a chance to get a replacement. A broken arm and left alone in the dark - a young girl alone?!? Disgusting. I'm angry reading this

Jesus Christmas there are some mean people on this thread.

I think the bus driver could have allowed her onto the bus, he knew who she was.

What a shit bag. Did he know she had a broken arm?

I'm gobsmacked he chucked her off to be honest op.

Ignore the comments about her almost being an adult. I'm not planning on washing my hands of my children and telling them they're on their own as soon as they hit 18. You sound like a lovely mum!